


hiraeth.

by jeonwonussi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Childhood Friends, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Mild Smut, Misunderstandings, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-09-15 16:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16936623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonwonussi/pseuds/jeonwonussi
Summary: Wonwoo found himself marrying the man he's sure hated him—the same man he's been in love with for the past twenty years.





	1. genesis.

**Author's Note:**

> hiraeth  
> \- (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

Wonwoo tugged at the collar of his dress shirt as he stood in front of the full-length mirror. It wasn’t closing in too much on his neck but he felt like choking. Looking at his reflection, one could easily tell that he was so close to breaking down. The room was quiet but he could hear the buzz in the air, could feel the footsteps against the carpeted floor outside.

He took deep breaths to calm himself but whenever he closed his eyes, he saw the coldest pair of eyes that greeted him that morning. He got shivers all over. Ever since that encounter, he questioned again whether he was making the right decision.

Whether it was right to marry the Kims’ heir.

Wonwoo knew he had to go through this. He already knew he was set to marry the man even before he was born. He had twenty-seven years to prepare for this day but the circumstances had changed.

Before he could even think to be a runaway groom, there was a knock on his door. It opened after two seconds of no response from him.

His cousin, Seokmin, stepped inside with a smile that was too bright for Wonwoo’s liking. “Are you ready for the biggest day of your life?”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes and sat on a nearby couch. “Get out.”

“Well, aren’t you the happiest groom in the world.” Seokmin quipped sarcastically. He walked towards Wonwoo and stopped just right in front of him. “Wedding jitters? Cold feet?”

“Probably both.”

“I thought you’d be pretty happy about this. What’s wrong? Did your feelings suddenly change?”

Wonwoo sighed and began massaging his forehead with his right hand. “No, it’s not that. I’m just worried. Not really for me, but for him.”

“He did agree to this, too, you know.” His cousin sat down next to him on the couch. “He was already on his way to the hall before I got here. He looked calm, unlike you.”

“I know. But it’s him, Seokmin. He always looks calm. I don’t think he’s entirely up for this. It hasn’t been a year since Hyeri..”

It was Seokmin’s turn to sigh. “You worry too much. Hyeri has nothing to do with this right now. This is your day. You should just think about yourself and how you could prevent yourself from stuttering your vows.”

“But Seokmin—”

“No more buts! Quit your whining, it’s not going to do you any good.” Seokmin stood up and grabbed Wonwoo’s arm to pull him away from the couch. “Now, get your ass moving. I almost forgot but the car’s already waiting outside.”

“Can’t we just skip this—” Wonwoo cut his words when his usually nice cousin glared at him. “I mean, yeah, let’s go. Don’t want to keep them waiting.”

_I didn’t have much of a choice from the start, anyway. Might as well resign myself to this fate._

 

***

 

It was his wedding day but Wonwoo felt like he was going to attend his execution instead. The wedding hall suffocated him even though it was too spacious for fifteen people inside. It was all too bright with the white and silver motif that was supposed to go with the current winter season. The ceremony was originally planned to be a big event with more or less a hundred guests but things got changed two weeks prior. He started walking down the aisle before his brain could even think to turn around and run away.

He could see his parents at the left side of the hall, trying to look happy for him but Wonwoo sensed their distress. This wasn’t really a traditional wedding so there was no “parents giving him away and sending to the altar.” For that he was thankful. His aunt and uncle were also there beside his parents, and behind them were two of his closest friends, Junhui and Jeonghan. They looked like they were the ones getting married with that excitement radiating from their faces. Wonwoo tried not to glare at them.

He did not have time to look at the guests at his future husband’s side because he was already two steps away from his place at the front. Seokmin was also his best man and he gave Wonwoo an encouraging smile. He tried to return it but his lips were frozen in place.

Now that he stood at his rightful place, he couldn’t ignore anymore the presence of the person that he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with. Wonwoo tried not to look at him when he entered the hall, afraid that he would see those eyes again.

It was funny how Wonwoo knew him his entire life but they felt like strangers standing beside each other in front of the judge. It started to be that way two weeks ago. He dared to steal a glance at his groom, lifting his head up a little because the other was taller than him. He almost choked on air when he saw that the guy was also looking at him so he quickly glanced away.

“Are you nervous?” His groom whispered.

His voice was supposed to be soothing but it was doing the opposite to Wonwoo’s nerves. He always had that effect on him. His heart started racing faster and his hands were getting clammy. All he managed to respond was a nod.

Wonwoo almost jumped from his feet when his groom suddenly squeezed his right arm. It was meant to be reassuring but his touch always felt like a burn on Wonwoo’s skin. “It’s going to be all right.”

He wanted to believe him but he couldn’t forget the look that he received when they crossed paths that morning as they started to prepare for the ceremony. That was the first time that he looked at Wonwoo like that, as if he loathed him and blamed him for everything that happened. It was quickly gone, but the impact was too great to just set aside.

Wonwoo braved himself to look at the taller man again and ask him if this was really what he wanted, but he was completely taken aback by the smile that he barely saw for almost three decades that he had known him.

“Trust me.” Mingyu’s smile was as kind and comforting as that day twenty years ago—the same day that Wonwoo realized he was in love with him. He spent the next coming years dreaming about this day even though he knew it would never be possible. And yet, there they were, standing in front of the judge as they were about to start the rest of their lives together.

“I trust you.” Wonwoo whispered back. _I’ve always trusted you, Kim Mingyu. Always._

__

***

 

The ceremony was anticlimactic and everything went smoothly. No one objected to the wedding, as Wonwoo had prayed, and he didn’t even get tongue-tied reciting his vows. It was a quiet event until everyone clapped their hands when they had their first kiss as a married couple. It was only a quick peck on the lips and Mingyu was already pulling away even before Wonwoo could register what was happening. He had to admit that he was disappointed.

But he had no time to mope because even though they kept the main ceremony a simple event, the reception was a grand one. Their families made sure that everyone in the country would know the merging of the Jeons and the Kims, inviting anyone that was relevant in the society and they could rely on to spread the word. Wonwoo would rather sit this one out but he couldn’t just ignore his responsibility.

He was seated at the back of their wedding car with Mingyu sitting beside him. He tried not to mind that there was a noticeable space between them. His husband—Wonwoo needed time to get used to that term—had his attention outside the window. He wanted to break the silence inside the car but he wasn’t really sure what to say. He couldn’t really rely on Mingyu to talk first because he had always been a man of few words.

Something caught Wonwoo’s eyes when the sunlight quickly streamed inside the vehicle. Mingyu’s left hand was resting atop his knee and his wedding ring was gleaming against the light. Wonwoo felt the urge to reach out and hold the other’s hand. It wouldn’t be strange considering that they are already married but it would still be too weird.

“Is something wrong?”

Wonwoo’s mind was filled with thoughts of going on beach dates, intertwining their fingers as they walked in the sand that he didn’t notice Mingyu already looking at him.

“Nothing.” He answered quickly. “I’m just.. hungry.”

“You’re always hungry.” Mingyu pointed out.

Was he teasing him? It was hard to tell because there was no smile or even a mischievous hint on his husband’s face. “Well, I have fast metabolism.”

“I don’t think we have food inside here. Do you want to stop by somewhere first for a quick bite?”

“No, don’t mind me. We’re near the venue, anyway. I’d rather have a full meal.”

“You do know we’re still going to spend at least an hour with all the pleasantries before we could start eating.”

Wonwoo mentally winced because of Mingyu’s reminder. He could already feel himself getting tired with just the thought of greeting all the guests at the party, more than half of those people he couldn’t care less about.

“I think I can manage. I’m not really hungry, my mind’s just playing tricks on me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Wonwoo smiled to reassure the other.

Mingyu stared at him for a few seconds before nodding and went back to watch the world outside his window again. Wonwoo breathed a silent sigh of relief. A few seconds longer than that and Mingyu would probably figure out what was going on inside his mind. It would be too embarrassing.

No one uttered a word for the next twenty minutes or so and after what felt like a year, the car was entering the gates of the manor. He could already see the crowd waiting for their arrival. He could also sense his headache coming.

“Is there any way that we could skip to dinner first?” He asked hopefully.

It was quick, but Mingyu let out a chuckle. “You said you can manage.”

Wonwoo had no chance to reply because the driver was already opening the door for him. He had no choice but to step out of the car and face this grueling battle. But he knew he wasn’t alone. Soon he felt an arm wrapped around his waist. This was the closest they had been ever since the day started and it gave Wonwoo a chance to smell Mingyu’s intoxicating scent. It was uniquely his, heady and exhilarating, something that Wonwoo could get drunk on.

He wasn’t able to succumb to his desires though because the guests were already congratulating them, shaking their hands and giving them their best wishes. A few minutes ago he was dreading this, but right now with Mingyu’s warmth by his side, he felt like he could take on anything.

 

***

 

“So, how is the first few hours of being Kim Mingyu’s husband?” Jeonghan asked him teasingly.

The pleasantries were done and the food had been served so Wonwoo was now free to entertain his own guests. He parted ways with Mingyu who was also talking with his associates. Wonwoo knew they were just going to talk about business so he went to find his friends.

“You don’t look too happy.” Junhui pointed out.

“I’m just tired. Seriously, there’s too many people in this event. I don’t even know most of them.” He complained.

“What you need is a drink.” Jeonghan took a glass of champagne from the passing waiter and offered it to Wonwoo who refused.

“I don’t want to get drunk.”

“So you can remember your first night later?”

Wonwoo groaned at Junhui’s suggestive remark. “I still have to talk to other important guests later and do some other traditional wedding stuff. So no, I don’t even think that there’s something like that later. We got married for business, not for love.”

“It is love for you.” Jeonghan replied.

“Don’t say that! Someone might hear you.”

“But you two are already married—”

“He doesn’t know about this.. this.. whatever this is. And I’d like to keep it that way for awhile.”

Junhui rolled his eyes at him. “For awhile? You’ve been keeping that secret for two decades already. I doubt that he doesn’t have any idea. I also firmly believe that he feels the same way.”

Wonwoo was about to respond something sarcastic to his friend when he saw his husband coming back inside the room. His heart wrenched inside him, the familiar instinct to run away and hide his feelings was creeping in.

There he was in all his six-foot glory, his hair still brushed up in style for the occasion. His black tuxedo hugged his frame perfectly, looking as immaculate as the first time he saw him in a tux during their teens. Only Mingyu had grown taller since then, his hair now dyed back to black and the muscles on his arms more defined. Wonwoo would have fallen for him all over again if his heart wasn’t too busy hurting.

Beside Mingyu was Kang Hyeri, the girl he was supposed to marry six months ago. She still looked so pretty like a doll with her small face, red lips and sparkling eyes. Her long hair was tied in a bun and her silver dress made her look like some kind of ice princess. Even with that baby bump on her tummy, she was perfect. And beside Mingyu, she looked like the bride.

His friends also noticed what caught his attention and they exchanged looks of concern for him. “She’s just a guest today, Wonwoo. It doesn’t mean anything.” Jeonghan tried ease his mind.

“She’s already married to someone else and they’re having a baby. You don’t have to worry.” Junhui added.

Mingyu and Hyeri stopped to greet a mutual acquaintance and that was Wonwoo’s chance to run away. He knew that Mingyu brought Hyeri there so that the girl could give him her best wishes. He couldn’t face them right now, not when his insecurities were starting to settle in. “They dated for five years, engaged for another year before things got complicated. It’s not something that I could just forget.”

Wonwoo was already speeding out of the room before his friends could even stop him. He tried to dodge the people that he knew and pretended that he didn’t hear Mingyu’s voice calling out to him.

 

***

 

Wonwoo found a place to hide just right outside the kitchen’s back door. He was sitting on the steps with a bottle of vodka on his right hand while the other was cradling his chin. The alcohol wasn’t served inside the party but he found it in one of the pantries when he was looking for somewhere to hide. He was sure that no one would find him there because it was situated at the other side of the manor. It was such a huge place.

He estimated that he was already gone for an hour and his vision was already spinning after downing half of the bottle. He always had low tolerance for these drinks but he needed to feel a different kind of pain from the one that was killing him inside.

As one of the grooms, people were probably looking all over for him. Perhaps they already gave up and his parents made some excuse that he wasn’t feeling well. Wonwoo had always been a dramatic one, so this kind of thing wasn’t all new to them.

Still, he should have behaved more properly for his own wedding.

“If only Jaejin was here..” He whispered to the wind and then chuckled, his breath coming out as fog due to the cold weather. Jaejin wouldn’t have let him sulk on his own. He was always there to drink with Wonwoo whenever the pressure was too much or when his heart was broken.

“You miss Jaejin?”

Wonwoo got startled and almost dropped the bottle on his hand. His hand snapped up to look at the creeper who found him and he sucked in his breath when he saw Mingyu standing beside the kitchen door.

“How did you find me?”

“I heard one of the waiters complaining that one of the vodka bottles they were saving for tonight went missing. It wasn’t hard to guess who took it so I asked them where it was stolen.”

It was probably because of the drink but Wonwoo could feel his cheeks burning. Mingyu already knew that vodka was always his drink of choice; they were together on some drinking sessions in the past, after all.

“You should go back. They’re probably wondering why both the main hosts are gone.”

“It’s a wedding. I think they already have their own idea why the two grooms went missing.” Mingyu’s nonchalant reply caused Wonwoo to choke on his spit. What the hell was he suggesting? Was his husband.. flirting with him?

He suddenly stood up to try and compose himself but he forgot that he was a weak drunk so there was a sharp pain on his head and his feet were unsteady. He thought he was going to fall on his face but Mingyu’s large hands were quick to hold his arms in place.

“Hey, are you alright? I think you already had too much to drink.” Wonwoo tried to focus his vision on Mingyu’s face in front of him. He probably looked stupid squinting his eyes to get a good look of that handsome face that he always loved.

“Why are you being so kind to me now?” Wonwoo suddenly asked.

The taller man looked taken aback by his question. He didn’t look like he was going to answer soon so the drunk one asked another. “Where’s Hyeri? Why aren’t you with her?”

Mingyu’s thick brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean? She went home already. She wanted to greet you earlier but you were suddenly gone. What was that about, anyway?”

Wonwoo couldn’t remember anymore why he wanted to escape earlier. All that he could think of right now was kissing the hell out of the man that was holding him. He was still frustrated that he didn’t get a proper kiss at the ceremony earlier. He wanted nothing more but to stay like this with him, just the two of them in their own world. “I.. I can’t remember anymore..”

“You’re drunk as hell.”

“Hey, can I?”

“Can you.. what?”

Wonwoo’s hands were already reaching out for Mingyu’s face, settling on the latter’s cheeks. His hands were probably freezing cold from staying outside for too long because his husband had shivered visibly. He started to advance, closing the distance between them slowly. Maybe he was really drunk beyond help because he could see that Mingyu’s face was also moving towards his. For every inch that was crossed, his heart kept on speeding up. They were too close for comfort now.

And then everything turned black.

 

***

 

The next morning, Wonwoo woke up with a terrible headache. He knew that this was one of the consequences of unsupervised drinking. Another was that he couldn’t remember a thing after he stole a bottle of vodka last night. _Last night?_

“I got married yesterday.” He spoke to no one in the room.

He couldn’t recognize where he was. This surely wasn’t his apartment so this must probably be his new home with his husband.

And speaking of his husband, Mingyu was nowhere to be seen. The other side of the bed didn’t look like someone slept on it. Did he get here alone last night?

His mind was still full of questions when he noticed a note at the bedside table. He reached for it and began unfolding the paper, recognizing Mingyu’s messy handwriting.

_There’s food in the kitchen. I’ll be away for a few days._

_\- Mingyu_

The letter felt too impersonal for two people who just got married. And his husband was going to be away for a few days right after their wedding?

An unsettling feeling started to make its way into his gut. He did something wrong last night and for the life of him, he couldn’t remember a thing.


	2. sweven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sweven  
> \- (n.) a vision seen in sleep; a dream.

The note weighed heavily on Wonwoo’s hand as he read it over and over again. He wanted to remember what happened before he blacked out last night. His memory only stretched out to when he sat at the steps and opened his vodka. Surely, Mingyu wasn’t too upset that he ran out of the reception, right?

The letter wasn’t the only thing Mingyu left for him though. There was also a glass of water and aspirin at the table. As aloof as his husband was, maybe he still cared for Wonwoo. He took the pill and then walked to the bathroom to take a shower. He only noticed now but the suit that he wore yesterday was nowhere to be found and he was in his pajamas instead.

He blushed at the thought of Mingyu changing his clothes and taking care of him when he was drunk. That won’t really be the first time though. Back in high school, Mingyu was also the one who took care of him when he got drunk for the first time.

He went to explore the new house after his shower. The room where he slept was probably the master’s bedroom. There was also another room beside his that was smaller. He went downstairs and passed by the living room to go see the kitchen. The place wasn’t too big; just right for two people living. The house was fully furnished and the fridge was even stocked with food. Their new home was his parents’ wedding gift so it was no wonder that everything was already taken care of.

Wonwoo didn’t really have an appetite so he went back to the living room. It felt so empty and cold; it won’t be a home without Mingyu there. Was this really what he signed up for? Was it really foolish for him to think that things would change once they got married? It wasn’t always like this between them. There was a time when Mingyu didn’t hate him—not that much, anyway.

 

***

 

Wonwoo was about five years old when he got bored of his piano lessons and escaped his tutor. He sneaked in his father’s study room because that was where all the cool books were kept. He was already good at reading and he was starting to move onto his father’s collection of novels after browsing through the encyclopedias. That day, however, the kid got curious of the book that was left lying on his father’s desk. Mr. Jeon never left anything before going out of the room.

He climbed on the desk chair and got comfortable before opening the book—which ended up to be a photo album. It was full of old photographs some of which were still in monochrome or sepia. The recent multicolored ones were at the last pages and he was delighted to see his face in some of the photos.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he saw one photo of him together with another kid. They were sitting side by side at a park bench with full smiles exposing their tiny teeth. The boy was around his age, with shaggy hair that appeared brownish against the sunlight. Wonwoo couldn’t remember when the picture was taken or even who the other kid was. It was probably a couple of years ago because he was smaller there.

“There you are.”

Wonwoo was surprised when his mother went inside the room. She had that gentle smile on her face which meant that Wonwoo wasn’t in trouble for missing his piano lessons.

“What are you doing there? You didn’t touch your father’s pens again, did you?” She asked.

“I didn’t! I was just looking at the pictures.” He defended himself. His mother just laughed. “Hey, mom. Who’s this boy?”

“Hmm? Which one?” She walked towards him and looked at where Wonwoo was pointing. “Oh, you don’t remember him?”

“No.” He turned to her and she had a smile on her face. His mom smiled like that whenever she had a surprise for her son.

“Well, you two only met once and you were just three. Don’t worry, you’ll see him again soon.”

“Can’t you just tell me now?” Wonwoo whined.

He got his mother laughing again. “I’ll let him be the one to introduce himself to you again. You have the rest of your life to get to know him. When that time comes, be good to him, okay?”

Wonwoo didn’t understand what his mom was trying to say but he just nodded.

It wasn’t until a year later when he met the boy in the picture again. Apparently, the unknown boy’s family lived outside the country for a few years and they just came back. There was a party at their place and Wonwoo’s parents brought him with them.

The boy in the old picture had the biggest smile on his face when he saw Wonwoo. The latter wasn’t able to react when the nameless boy just hugged him.

“Wonwoo, it’s you!”

“Who are you?” Wonwoo pulled out of the hug to frown at the other kid. He wasn’t comfortable with other people hugging or touching him, especially those that he did not know well.

The kid was unfazed by Wonwoo’s annoyance and just continued smiling. “I’m Kim Jaejin, your fiancée!”

“What?” _Fiancée? What is that?_ He had no idea what Kim Jaejin was saying.

“We’re going to get married someday!”

“Married? Like mom and dad? Why?” Wonwoo was getting more and more confused talking to this kid.

“Jaejin, you shouldn’t surprise Wonwoo like that.” A woman appeared behind Jaejin with a disapproving look on her face. “His parents haven’t told him yet.”

“We apologize for that. We didn’t think it was the right time yet. They’re still kids, after all.” Wonwoo’s father was suddenly beside him.

“It’s alright. Our Jaejin here just couldn’t keep a secret.” The woman who was most likely Jaejin’s mother replied. “He’s just too excited to meet Wonwoo again.”

“What is he talking about, Dad? What’s a fiancée?” Wonwoo couldn’t help but ask.

“I’ll tell you later. For now, why don’t you go play with Jaejin?”

He looked back at the other boy who looked so thrilled to see him. Wonwoo was a good kid; he didn’t throw tantrums even if he was being asked to do things that he didn’t really like. So he just nodded and took a step towards Jaejin, but the latter suddenly grabbed his hand and pulled him for a run.

Kim Jaejin was seven by that time, making him a year older than Wonwoo. He still had the same shaggy hair in the picture with eyes that looked like milk chocolate, something Wonwoo noticed when they played out in the sun. He was also missing a few baby teeth. Still, he had the brightest of smiles. Wonwoo wasn’t sure if he was really like that or if he was just really happy to be reunited with him. Wonwoo didn’t get that. They only met once—and Wonwoo didn’t even remember meeting him that time—so he couldn’t understand why Jaejin was treating him like the most precious person in the world.

Later that night, his parents explained who Jaejin was in his life. Basically, when they were already at the right age, Wonwoo and Jaejin would get married and live together just like his parents. It was something that his grandmother promised to Jaejin’s grandfather way back before they were born. The marriage part he understood, but the reason why, he didn’t. Wonwoo watched a couple of movies before and he knew that two people only got married because they loved each other.

_Loved each other_. It wasn’t like how Wonwoo loved reading books, or cats, or his video games. It was probably the kind of love that his parents had, or the one where you would want to kiss the other person. They always did that in the movies. Wonwoo just got to know the other kid, how could he love him? If it was something that their grandparents planned, how could they assume that Wonwoo and Jaejin loved each other enough to get married?

But Wonwoo was already sleepy that night. He was tired from letting himself get dragged by Jaejin all day so he kept his questions to himself. He would just ask his parents again the next day.

The next day though, he wasn’t able to ask his parents immediately because Jaejin was already at his house to join them for breakfast. To be honest, he liked to play more by himself than with other children so he wasn’t excited to have Jaejin there. But it seemed important to his parents that Wonwoo treated Jaejin kindly so he just went along.

Wonwoo spent the rest of summer vacation getting to know Jaejin, playing on each other’s houses and sharing stories about whatever they could think of. His fiancée was quite nice as Wonwoo got to know him more. In fact, Wonwoo started to like spending time with him. But there were times when it would cross his mind that this was the person that he would marry in the future. Right now, he saw Jaejin only as his close friend. He still didn’t fully understand what their relationship was supposed to be, but maybe he wouldn’t mind being with Jaejin forever.

Classes resumed and the two were on different schools so they only got to see each other on weekends. Jaejin was a clingy kid who liked to hug and hold hands with Wonwoo and that irritated the latter at first. But somehow, he started missing him. Jaejin was better company than Wonwoo’s classmates at school who were jerks that only befriended him because his family was well-off.

A year passed and it was summer vacation again. Wonwoo didn’t want to admit it but he was excited to go on little adventures with Jaejin like they did last summer. The Kims were on an overseas vacation for a few weeks so he looked forward to hearing the other kid’s stories.

Wonwoo and his parents were invited to a dinner at their place. It was sort of a formal dinner so his mother dressed him up for the occasion. He didn’t like having his hair styled neatly with gel but he had to endure it to see Jaejin sooner. When they arrived at the Kims’, Wonwoo expected his friend to come running outside and tackle him with a hug but it was only the family butler that welcomed them. Even when they were already seated for dinner, Jaejin was nowhere to be found.

“Where’s Jaejin?” Wonwoo wasn’t able to stop himself from asking anymore.

 “He’s still dressing up in his room. Please excuse him, he got a little busy today.” Jaejin’s father was the one to answer the boy’s question with a kind smile.

“Oh, okay.”

A few minutes later, Wonwoo heard footsteps and Jaejin’s voice coming from the hall. He sounded like he was talking to someone.

“Come on, you can’t eat dinner in your room. You should join us.”

“I’m not supposed to be here. Let me go.”

Jaejin was pulling a boy by his arm when they appeared in the dining room. It was the first time that Wonwoo saw the other kid. He never saw him before when he came to visit Jaejin.

“What is the meaning of this, Jaejin?” Jaejin’s mother’s stern voice resounded in the room. She stood up from her seat and even though her features appeared calm, she looked quite angry to Wonwoo.

“Mom! Can Mingyu join us for dinner? I don’t want him to eat alone in his room. There’s plenty of room in here.” Her son replied.

“Jaejin, we have guests here.”

“Yeah, but mom..”

Wonwoo turned his attention to the boy called Mingyu. Jaejin always talked about his relatives and friends at school but he never mentioned the name Mingyu once. He looked like he was about the same age as Wonwoo and Jaejin, with black, unruly hair and tan skin. He was wearing an old pair of jeans and a black shirt which stood out from the rest of them who were in formal wear. He was looking down at the floor so Wonwoo couldn’t get a good look of his face. He seemed embarrassed due to the situation.

“Just let Mingyu join us.” Jaejin’s father interjected before his wife could throw a hissy fit. “Sit down, boys, so we could start eating already.”

Jaejin grinned at this father gratefully. “Thanks, Dad! Come on, Gyu.”

The two boys took their seats opposite Wonwoo. Jaejin gave him a look saying _I’ll explain later_ and then started with his meal. Wonwoo turned to the new boy next and he was able to see his face clearly now. He was quite surprised to see that Mingyu looked a bit like Jaejin, except that he had thicker eyebrows and his eyes were black.

Wonwoo was too busy studying the other boy that he wasn’t able to look away when their eyes suddenly met. He saw something in Mingyu’s eyes that stirred a weird feeling in him. The tanned boy was quick to glance away, however, yet Wonwoo continued to stare at him.

Mingyu had the saddest pair of eyes that Wonwoo had ever seen.

Once dinner was done, the adults moved to the next room to chat and talk about whatever adults liked to talk about. Wonwoo was left alone with the two other boys, or should he say with one of the boys because Mingyu scampered away as soon as the adults were gone.

“Mingyu, wait!” Jaejin tried to call him but was ignored.

Wonwoo didn’t wait a second to start asking. “Who is he, Jae?” He couldn’t concentrate on his food during the meal because he was just so curious about Mingyu.

“Mingyu’s my cousin. He just moved here last week.”

“Cousin? I haven’t seen him before even at parties.”

“I only just met him last week, too.” Jaejin suddenly looked gloomy and it was a very rare thing. He was usually perky. “Hey, Wonwoo, can you help me?”

“With what?”

“Making Mingyu smile.”

“What?”

Jaejin sighed. “His mom, my aunt, just died. I never met my aunt before but I’m sure he doesn’t want Mingyu to be this sad.”

So that was the reason why. Wonwoo loved his mother so much that he wouldn’t want to imagine how it must feel to lose her. “What about his dad?”

“I don’t know. My parents wouldn’t tell me. They said I wouldn’t understand.”

They hadn’t even exchanged words or had a proper introduction but Wonwoo’s heart ached for Mingyu. Nobody should be that lonely. He promised Jaejin he would be a good friend to his cousin. But that was easier said than done because for the next couple of weeks, Wonwoo barely ever saw him. He and Jaejin would always ask him to come out of his room and play with them but Mingyu never even bothered to speak.

They decided to leave him alone after some time before he got really mad at them. But Wonwoo didn’t give up just yet.

It was a hot day in July and Wonwoo had a fight with Jaejin. The latter just received the latest game console from his parents but he wouldn’t let Wonwoo borrow it. His friend was nice but he could be selfish sometimes.

He was pouting as he stormed out of Jaejin’s room, calling him childish insults under his breath. His mother wasn’t there yet to pick him up so he would just ask one of the Kims’ drivers to get him home. He passed by the garden outside  and noticed that there were new kinds of flowers along the pathway. It was when he stopped to admire the colorful scenery when he spotted the sun-kissed boy in the middle of it.

Mingyu was crouched on the ground with his hands deep in the soil. There was a shovel beside him with a couple of gardening tools Wonwoo couldn’t recognize. He was already a few steps behind Mingyu before he even realized. The latter was too engrossed with digging that he didn’t even notice Wonwoo approaching.

“Did you plant all those flowers?”

Wonwoo was almost sorry that he surprised him because the other swiftly rose to his feet, as if he was caught red-handed.

A giggle escaped Wonwoo. _That was cute_. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

The tanned boy avoided looking at him and focused his eyes on the ground instead. “It’s alright.” A quiet reply.

“So you won’t play with Jaejin and me because you like to plant instead?” Wonwoo wondered aloud.

“It’s not that.”

“Then why?”

Mingyu finally lifted his gaze and looked straight into his eyes. That was something Wonwoo wasn’t prepared for and it made him nervous for no particular reason. It was quite strange. “I’m not allowed to. I’m different from you guys.”

"Different? How so?”

The other sighed. “You ask too many questions.”

“Hey, I just wanted—”

“Just leave me alone, please?” Mingyu looked tired and even though there were still a million questions at the tip of Wonwoo’s tongue, he didn’t voice them out. He let the other boy escape again, but next time, he wouldn’t let him get away.

A couple more weeks passed and Jaejin’s cousin still avoided him like he had cooties. On the other hand, Jaejin had some progress, because he told Wonwoo that Mingyu started playing with him recently. It was only when Wonwoo was around that the mysterious boy cooped himself up in his room.

The maids at Jaejin’s home were fond of gossip, so much so that Wonwoo heard about something that he knew he shouldn’t have when he passed by the kitchen. He couldn’t believe it though so he quickly ran towards the greenhouse. He found out from Jaejin that it was Mingyu’s favorite place during the afternoon.

He didn’t bother knocking so the boy inside the greenhouse was startled again when he barged inside. Mingyu had a frown on his face. “What are you doing here?”

Wonwoo knew that the other boy would just escape again so he didn’t move away from the door to block the path. “Is it true?”

“What is?”

He was afraid to say it, but he wanted to ask. He wanted to know the truth and understand. “Did your.. did your father.. kill your mom?”

Mingyu’s eyes widened in shock. Something changed. Wonwoo only saw sadness and uncertainty before; now, it was anger. “Who told you that?”

“I just heard.. from the maids..” His voice turned smaller as Mingyu approached him in strides.

They were about the same height during that time but Wonwoo felt like shrinking as Mingyu towered over him. He had a furious expression on his face but instead of being scared, Wonwoo was sad for him.

“That’s not true! They’re lying.” Mingyu insisted sharply. “My dad loved my mom, he would never do that. They are all just trying to ruin him. They—those people are the ones who killed my mom. They wanted to—“

Wonwoo wasn’t able to stop himself from wiping the tears that streamed down Mingyu’s cheeks. The latter was taken aback as well by Wonwoo’s touch or the fact that he was already crying.

“Don’t cry, I believe you.” Wonwoo whispered. “Your dad isn’t a bad person. I believe you, Mingyu.”

Mingyu’s lips trembled as he let the tears fall freely down his face. It hurt Wonwoo to see him like that so he immediately wrapped his arms around the other and hugged him. Mingyu held him tightly and sobbed uncontrollably on his shoulder. They stayed like that for awhile; the sunset’s rays streaming inside the greenhouse while the flowers started to rest for the evening.

Things changed after that. Mingyu still spoke a few words to him but he didn’t avoid Wonwoo anymore. They started hanging out together with Jaejin but soon, Wonwoo was craving Mingyu’s company more than his cousin’s.

School eventually resumed. Mingyu attended the same school as his cousin which made Wonwoo the odd one out. But it wasn’t a problem though. Jaejin started to join the soccer club and being one of the popular kids, he was always invited to hang out by his classmates. Wonwoo was happy that Jaejin had a lot of friends who adored him but he was also kinda sad that they weren’t always together that much during anymore.

The silver lining to this was that he got to spend more time with Mingyu with just the two of them. Jaejin was fun to be around but he was always moving everywhere, running and just being all over the place. With Mingyu, however, there was a serenity that he strangely liked. Even though they mostly just played video games together, they also had those quiet times when Mingyu tended to his plants in the greenhouse while Wonwoo read books at the side.

They didn’t speak much during those moments but it was something they both treasured. They never talked about that time when Mingyu cried, never even told Jaejin about it. It was something they kept to themselves, a secret that the two of them shared.

“You know, you play favorites with your flowers.” Wonwoo already finished the book he was reading so he sat down beside Mingyu who was also just sitting there, staring at his work.

The young gardener turned to him. “Favorites?”

“Yeah. You always pay more attention to those yellow ones.” He gestured to the said flowers at the right side.

“Daffodils.”

“Yeah, the daffodils. What’s so special about them?”

Mingyu didn’t give an answer instantly. He just looked thoughtful while gazing at the daffodils. “Nothing really.”

“Then why?”

His friend just shrugged. It was frustrating to talk to Mingyu sometimes. He didn’t really give out too much. Wonwoo just sighed. “Well, I guess they’re pretty.”

“No, it’s beautiful.” The last word was something that Wonwoo heard often, but the way Mingyu said it made Wonwoo look at him.

It was the first time that he saw Mingyu smiling like that—pure and soft, warm like the sun. There was no trace of sadness in his eyes. His canines made him too adorable and it was all too lovely that Wonwoo was suddenly robbed of his breath.

His heart started racing faster making him dizzy but all that he could see before him was Mingyu and his beautiful smile.

All those talks with his parents and the movies he watched started to make sense. What he should have for Jaejin, he only had for Mingyu.

As soon as Wonwoo realized that, things suddenly became different. He didn’t know why but Mingyu began avoiding him again. He never went to the greenhouse anymore and he was almost never home whenever Wonwoo visited. Jaejin was also at a loss because his cousin was still the same around him.

They were another year older than when they first met, but it seemed like they were back to the start again.

Wonwoo couldn’t live with this. Like always, he needed to know the reason why. He told his parents that he was going to stay late at Jaejin’s house that weekend because he needed help for his homework. It wasn’t a complete lie, but they were already done with it a few hours ago. He was just waiting for Mingyu to come home.

It was almost evening when Wonwoo caught Mingyu sneaking in the back door. Jaejin told him that was where his cousin would always pass to get inside the house so he wouldn’t get caught by his aunt. One look at Wonwoo and he already knew that Mingyu was just going to ignore him so he was quick to block the other’s way.

“Move aside.” Mingyu told him in a warning tone.

“Why are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?”

“I said move.”

“Tell me why you’re mad at me first.”

Mingyu stared at him coldly before pushing him aside. He was seriously tired of Mingyu always dodging his questions and ignoring him for unknown reasons. He started to get angry as well. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you always like this?!”

The other boy stopped walking and turned around to face him. “I told you before, I’m different from you guys.”

His vague answer irritated Wonwoo more. “What does that even mean? I don’t understand.”

“You’re going to marry Jaejin, right? Why don’t you just run along and chase him again? Leave me alone.”

Was Mingyu mad because of that? But he had already told him this before. Why get angry now? “Mingyu—” His hand stretched out to hold Mingyu’s hand to stop him from escaping again but the latter recoiled from him.

“Don’t touch me.” The biting tone made Wonwoo take a step back. “I’m not his replacement.”

Mingyu was already gone but Wonwoo remained rooted on his spot. That was the first time that he felt someone’s hate towards him. It was unsettling and there was a lump on his throat that he tried to ignore. If it was any other person, he wouldn’t even care. But it was Mingyu.

He went home crying that night.

 

***

 

Wonwoo suddenly woke up with a heavy heart. He fell asleep on the sofa while browsing through the channels on the television. The living room was dark with only the TV providing some light. It was already evening and he just spent the rest of the day dreaming about distant memories from the past. He remembered that Mingyu won’t be coming home for at least a few days and he felt more down.

His husband’s words from that time echoed in his mind. Twenty years had passed but he still couldn’t forget the pain he felt that day. It was probably his first heartbreak as a child.

All of a sudden, things started to get clearer. It was only bits and pieces, but memories from his wedding night were coming back to him. He was shouting, he was angry and similar words from the past were thrown.

“ _Don’t touch me_.”

This time, though, Mingyu wasn’t the one who said it.

“ _You’re just a replacement_.”

Those words came from his own mouth.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got longer than expected. I rewrote this chapter multiple times until I was finally satisfied with it. Hopefully, it isn't too confusing.
> 
> I'll be attending holiday parties so the next chapter might be posted a week later. Thanks everyone. :)
> 
> \- pai


	3. toska.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> toska  
> \- (n.) a dull ache of the soul, a sick pining, a spiritual anguish.

The sound of a door opening and then closing brought Wonwoo back from unconsciousness. He couldn’t fully open his eyes but he was mostly sure that he was lying down uncomfortably at the back seat of a car. _Am I being kidnapped?_ It was a stupid thought but it could explain why his head was swimming and his body could barely move. A few seconds later, the door at his feet opened as well and a large figure hovered above him.

“All these years you’re still a lightweight and yet you never stop drinking.”

_Wait. That voice._. There was no way Wonwoo couldn’t recognize that deep voice. He could feel himself being pulled out of the car by arms that suddenly wrapped around his back and the back of his knees. The cold air that his cheeks told him that he was already outside the car and was being carried by this man. It was really cold so he snuggled his face into the warmth of  the man’s chest.

“Hey, are you awake?” Mingyu shook him lightly.

Wonwoo groaned. The shaking made his head throb. “No.”

The other man sighed. He didn’t realize that they were already inside someplace. He only opened his eyes when he felt that he was laid down on the couch. He winced due to the harsh light but still peeked at Mingyu who was standing above him.

“Where are we?” He croaked. His throat was so dry and his mouth tasted awful. His breath was probably bad but he couldn’t care less about that.

Not when Mingyu was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face but still made Wonwoo’s heart race. “D-did I do something?”

Mingyu shook his head. “You just passed out on me.”

“Passed out?”

“After drinking too much. Right after you ran out of the reception.”

“Reception? As in wedding reception?” He slowly sat up despite the dizziness to wake himself up a little.

He heard a scoff from Mingyu. “Seriously, how drunk are you?”

“I don’t know. All I know is there are two of you in front of me.”

“Our wedding.” He can sense the frustration in Mingyu’s tone. “We got married today, Wonwoo.”

“Oh, we got—wait what?!” His own shrill voice made him wince. “Wait, wait, wait. We got married? You married me? Oh my god.” He buried his face on his hands and tried to recollect his stupid memory.

“Is it that hard to believe?” He felt the other side of the couch sink indicating that Mingyu sat down beside him.

“It’s not that—it’s just..” _Please stop flustering I’m having trouble processing this_. The events of that day started coming back to him slowly. _Mingyu’s cold eyes, the wedding hall, the silent car ride, Hyeri_.. He still felt like he was floating but things were clearer now. “So we got hitched, huh.”

“Yeah.”

Laughter started bubbling up his throat and Wonwoo tried to stop it but then he couldn’t help it. It was all too ridiculous. Mingyu looked at him like he was crazy and what his husband was thinking was probably right. “What’s funny?”

“This. T-this situation we are in and—” He couldn’t complete his sentences due to his mirth. “I’m sorry, it just doesn’t make any sense.” He knew he was being weird but he couldn’t think straight because of the alcohol still in his system.

“It doesn’t.”

Wonwoo’s laughter simmered down upon hearing his husband agree to his statement. He already knew that Mingyu didn’t want to be tied down to him but it still hurt him nonetheless. “I’ll try not to cause you any trouble, don’t worry.”

He wasn’t looking at Mingyu but he sensed the latter turning to him. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, it’s alright. You were roped into this stupid situation because of me so I understand if you don’t want to be involved—”

His rambling was cut off when Mingyu placed his large hand behind his head and made Wonwoo face him. “I told you it’s not like that.”

And there was his heart again hammering so hard against Wonwoo’s chest that he felt like it was going to burst. The way Mingyu gazed at him with those eyes was so foreign yet so familiar. _It’s been so long since._. “What are you trying to say?”

But before Mingyu could answer his question, his phone started ringing. They were both startled by the sound and the warmth of Mingyu’s hand was gone from his cheek. Mingyu fished his phone out of his pocket and Wonwoo couldn’t help but peek at who the caller was.

When he saw the name on the phone screen, his heart sank low. _Don’t answer that. Please don’t_. But he couldn’t voice it out so Mingyu was already on his feet and mumbled an _excuse me_ before walking out of the front door.

Wonwoo couldn’t hear what Mingyu was saying and he didn’t want to so he left the couch and made his way upstairs where the rooms probably were. He wanted to go back to sleep and pretend that he was okay, that he wasn’t hurting. He didn’t even know whose house they were in but he’d worry about that in the morning.

He was still dizzy so it was a struggle to climb up the stairs but he managed to get inside the closest room that he saw. He flopped down the mattress as soon as he saw it and buried his face into the pillows. He willed for sleep to take over him before Mingyu found him there but his body wasn’t having any of it.

“You’re going to sleep already?” Wonwoo mentally groaned when he heard that stupid voice by the door. “You should at least change your clothes first.”

“What do you care?” His voice was muffled by the pillows so Mingyu probably didn’t hear his answer.

“Come on, get up.”

Wonwoo was starting to get irritated. He wanted to keep that irrational anger inside him—he knew that it was just the alcohol messing up his head—but he couldn’t take it in any longer. He lifted up his face from the pillows and sat up in bed. “Who called you?”

Mingyu looked surprised by his question. It took him a few seconds to respond. “It’s just work.”

“So you work with Hyeri now?”

His husband frowned at him. “Did you eavesdrop?”

He scoffed. “Of course not. I just saw her name on your phone before you answered it.”

Mingyu seemed to contemplate on his words before speaking again. “She’s just having a hard time right now.”

“So she called you on your wedding night. That doesn’t sound suspicious at all.” Wonwoo wanted nothing more than to tape his mouth shut but it seemed like it had a brain of its own.

“What’s wrong with you? Hyeri is a friend, _our_  friend.”

“ _Friend_? A _friend_? Mingyu, you dated her for six years! I don’t think she’s just a friend.” Holy shit, he sounded like a scorned husband right on the first day.

“Are you being jealous right now?”

Mingyu’s question shook Wonwoo a little. He didn’t want to be found out like this. “Why the fuck would I be jealous? All I’m saying is that she’s a married woman who’s calling her ex-fiancee on the night of his wedding. It doesn’t sound right.”

“Hyeri’s not that kind of woman.” His husband appeared annoyed now and that made Wonwoo angrier. If anyone should be furious right now, it was Wonwoo.

“Then what did she call you for?”

“I told you she’s having a hard time right now with her pregnancy—”

He was suddenly on his feet, fuming. “What does that have to do with you? Doesn’t she have a husband? Are you her doctor now?”

Mingyu avoided his glare. “I can’t tell you. It’s not my story to tell.”

“Oh, you can’t tell me?” He sneered. “Of course not. I’m your husband but I don’t have that kind of right to deserve the truth, do I?”

“Wonwoo, you’re clearly misunderstanding things. You’re still drunk. I think you should—”

“Are you the father?”

Mingyu’s eyes widened at his brazen question. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Is it the reason why you can’t leave her alone? It’s because you’re the father of her child?” He knew he was just throwing the question to stir up Mingyu’s anger more. He couldn’t help it. Mingyu couldn’t be the father of the baby—he already knew that story. He was just so sick of Mingyu being so calm and collected most of the time while he was always so worked up over him.

“Do you think I would be married to you if I was the father? I’m not someone who runs away from his responsibilities, Wonwoo.” There was something else that Mingyu was hinting at and it wasn’t lost to Wonwoo.

“Yeah, responsibilities. You’re quite big on that, huh?” He drawled sarcastically. “That’s why you married me. It’s your responsibility.”

Mingyu didn’t reply immediately. He just stared at Wonwoo with that usual poker face that frustrated Wonwoo so much. “It wasn’t my responsibility. It was Jaejin’s.”

So Wonwoo wasn’t even a responsibility. He was so much worse. He was just a pity case. That was something that bruised his ego more than anything else right now. “And you just happened to be the only one who can shoulder that obligation.”

His husband didn’t say anything after that. They were enveloped in a suffocating silence that made the air harder to breathe. Their marriage was nothing more than a contract that they couldn’t escape. How much easier would their lives be if Mingyu married Hyeri and Jaejin was the one with Wonwoo right now?

But things weren’t really that different. Wonwoo still didn’t have the hold on Mingyu’s heart. Basing on how he was still protecting her, Mingyu wasn’t over Hyeri.

“You should get some sleep.”

Mingyu was still there by the door, still trying to pretend that he truly cared for Wonwoo. He was so sick of himself easily giving in to these false hopes and feigned concern.

“Stop acting like you care.” He snapped.

Mingyu was unfazed. He walked towards Wonwoo. “That’s still the alcohol speaking. Get yourself on the bed.”

“Stop telling me what to do.” He didn’t want to be on the losing end.

“Stop being so difficult.” Mingyu held his arm and Wonwoo hated how his body reacted to it. He didn’t want to give in to his love for him. He was tired. He wanted to hurt him back.

Wonwoo yanked his arm away and glared at him. “Don’t touch me.” He wanted to make Mingyu feel even just a bit of his pain right now.

And so he dropped the words that he knew would strike Mingyu the most, words that he never really meant.

“You’re just a replacement.”

He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he wanted from Mingyu, but it sure wasn’t this. The look that he gave Wonwoo that morning was back, perhaps even colder than before. He instantly wanted to take back what he said but Mingyu was already backing away. “Have it your way then.”

His husband was quickly gone from the room. Wonwoo dropped down the bed and took deep breaths. He couldn’t start crying now. He was the one who brought this upon himself. His head started aching again so he lied down and closed his eyes. _I just had to mess things up again, huh?_

 

***

 

Wonwoo spent the next three days alone in the house. It was already holiday break so he didn’t have to go back to the university for his classes. Also, the board knew he just got married so he wasn’t really required to go back. He just revised his lesson plan a bit and went out a few times to grab some food but never for too long. He couldn’t risk being seen by anyone who knew him because they would surely ask him why he wasn’t on his honeymoon. Though they really didn’t have a honeymoon plan anyway.

Mingyu never tried contacting him so he didn’t know what his husband was up to. He was quite sure though that his spouse was avoiding him. He was probably still mad at Wonwoo because of how he acted that night. Wonwoo vowed not to touch vodka for awhile; it made him too emotional. He didn’t mean most of the things he said and he wanted to explain everything to Mingyu. But he couldn’t really do that when he didn’t even know where the guy was.

Twice he thought of calling Mingyu first but his courage left him as soon as he was about to press call. He wasn’t even sure if Mingyu would answer. He searched for things in the house that could keep him occupied and he was glad that some of his books and video games were brought to his new home.

Sometimes, he couldn’t help but think that Mingyu was with Hyeri. She called him on the night of their wedding so what would stop her from spending time with his husband? He knew Hyeri wasn’t that kind of vile woman he was trying to create in his mind but he needed someone to blame. It just made him more depressed so he would quickly banish those thoughts from his head.

It was around noon during Christmas Eve when the doorbell rang. Wonwoo just woke up and was brushing his teeth so he almost choked on his toothbrush. He swiftly rinsed his mouth and almost ran to the front door. He was hoping to see Mingyu’s face when he opened the door but then he realized, why would Mingyu still ring the bell on their own house?

True enough, it wasn’t Mingyu. Joshua’s gentle smile and doe eyes greeted Wonwoo at his front door. “Hello, Mr. Jeon.”

“Oh, Joshua. What brings you here?” Wonwoo smiled back at him, hoping that there wasn’t foam left in his mouth from brushing.

The smaller man lifted the suitcases on his hands. “Just bringing these here.”

“Are those Mingyu’s? Come on in.” Wonwoo moved to the side to give way for Joshua. The latter brought the suitcases in and placed them down beside the couch.

“Should I bring these upstairs or should I just leave them here?”

“You can just leave it there. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Joshua continued smiling at him. “These are just Mr. Kim’s clothes from the trip and some documents. There was an emergency meeting at the company today so he rushed there first instead of coming home. I’m sure he’s sorry for that.”

“It’s alright, I understand.” Though he’s sure Mingyu probably wasn’t. He didn’t even know that Mingyu was on a business trip.

“You should scold him a little, Mr. Jeon. You two are supposed to be on a honeymoon but he’s out there being the workaholic that he is.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Shua, could you quit with the formalities already? We’ve been friends for seven years before you even became Mingyu’s secretary.”

The doe-eyed man let out a laugh. “Oh, come on. I was having fun playing the role of a very capable secretary. And I want to address Mr. Kim’s husband properly.”

“Do you really call Mingyu ‘Mr. Kim’ though?”

“Only when other employees or higher officials are around. He’s still Gyu Gyu to me though.” He chuckled. “Anyway, how are you? Did you two have a fight?”

Wonwoo was stunned. Knowing Mingyu, he surely didn’t blabber about what happened to them to his secretary even though they were close. Joshua was just too perceptive for his own good. “Something like that.” He answered grimly.

Joshua sighed. “Thought so. He was quieter than usual during the trip. I was quite surprised that he insisted to be the one to talk to the stakeholders regarding the deal, even though I already offered to rearrange his schedule for him since you two just got married and all. He probably didn’t even tell you where he went, huh?”

“Nope. When did he ever tell me anything, anyway.” He tried to pass it off as a joke but Joshua wasn’t laughing with him.

“I know you’ve known Mingyu far longer than I do but I know he doesn’t resent you for what happened. He doesn’t hate you for this.”

Wonwoo knew that. He knew that this sudden marriage wasn’t the reason why his relationship with Mingyu became strained. It was something that happened many years ago, something that only the two of them knew. Ever since that day, Wonwoo was sure that Mingyu hated him more than anything else in the world.

“Yeah, I know.” He tried to give Joshua a reassuring smile just so they would drop the topic already. He didn’t really want to dwell on the past right now.

“I have to go now. I still have to buy some stuff for the Christmas feast at home. Christmas Eve is the worst time to visit the supermarket but Seokmin’s going to kill me if I forget the wine again.” Joshua said as he glanced at his wristwatch.

“My cousin loves you too much to murder you just because—wait, hold on. It’s Christmas Eve already?”

“What have you been doing here for the past of couple days for you to forget the date?” Joshua teased him. “Don’t tell me you haven’t prepared anything for Christmas? Mingyu’s going to arrive soon.”

“I was busy moping, okay? And why should I be the one to prepare the food? I’m his husband not his cook.” He replied indignantly.

“Yeah, but you just had a fight and it doesn’t matter who started it, just be the bigger person and be the one to patch things up between you two.” The secretary gently advised but Wonwoo just made a face. Joshua was going older brother mode on him again and he didn’t like being told off like a child.

“Fine, but I’m a shitty cook, you know.”

“Better not tell Mingyu you’re going to cook then. He might not come back home ever again.”

“Please leave.”

Joshua just snickered at his annoyance and then in a serious tone, he said. “Hey, Wonwoo. Hang in there, okay?”

Wonwoo just solemnly smiled.

 

***

 

It had already started snowing by the time Wonwoo heard the front door opening and a muffled stomping of shoes against the woolen doormat. He just started boiling the pasta so he panicked a little. But it wasn’t really time for dinner yet so he just continued with his task.

He started feeling nervous when he sensed footsteps coming towards the kitchen. He hadn’t really prepared himself on how he was going to face Mingyu after his drunken stupor. Would Mingyu still be mad at him?

He felt that he wasn’t alone in the room anymore so he turned around and true enough, Mingyu was standing there beside the dining table. His hair was damp, probably due to the snow outside, wearing a brown coat that Wonwoo had seen him wearing a few times before. He hadn’t said anything yet but Wonwoo knew that he was tired.

“Hey, welcome home.” Wonwoo was the one to break the silence.

Mingyu just nodded at his greeting. “Are you cooking something?”

“Uhh, yeah. For dinner. Since it’s Christmas and all.” Well, Christmas was tomorrow but Mingyu came home today so he decided to have a special dinner now.

“Do you need help?”

“No, it’s fine. You could just change clothes and rest for a bit. This won’t take long.” Things were a bit awkward so he prayed that Mingyu would give him enough time to gather his wits.

Mingyu’s eyes lingered on his face for a moment before giving a nod and wordlessly disappearing from the kitchen. Wonwoo let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and brought his attention back to the pasta. He wondered if he would ever get used to Mingyu’s presence around him. Well, it wasn’t really Mingyu that was the problem—it was his effect on Wonwoo.

Wonwoo didn’t really prepare much since it would only be the two of them. Spaghetti, garlic bread and a bottle of wine—those were the only things he could scrape from the cupboards. He just placed them neatly on the dining table and tinkered on his phone while he waited for Mingyu to finish showering.

He just finished replying to a text sent by his mom when Mingyu entered the kitchen again. He was wearing more comfortable clothes now, just a pair of loose cotton pants and a black sweatshirt. His hair had already been dried so it now looked fluffy, his bangs concealing his eyebrows. It wasn’t the first time Wonwoo saw him dress like this but the idea that he would be seeing more of this everyday almost gave him a nosebleed. It was all too domestic and he wasn’t sure if he even deserved this.

“Are you alright? Your face is red.”

Wonwoo immediately ceased ogling at his husband and mentally slapped himself. “Oh, yes. I’m fine. It’s just a little hot in here.”

“Do you want me to adjust the thermostat?” Mingyu offered.

“No, it’s alright! It’s probably because of the heat from the stove. Why don’t we just start with dinner?” He proceeded to take a seat and Mingyu followed him.

They began eating in silence, only the sounds of their metal forks clinking against the ceramic plates and the sound of cars passing by the neighborhood in the background. Wonwoo wanted to talk about something with his husband but he decided to eat first so that he could gather some extra courage.

He was already halfway through his meal when Mingyu spoke. “It’s good.”

Wonwoo lifted his eyes from his plate. “Huh?”

“Your spaghetti. It’s quite good.”

“Oh, thanks.” He sincerely hoped that he wasn’t blushing though he could feel the heat on his cheeks.

“I never knew you could cook.”

“Well, I just started learning a few months ago. As a hobby. I still have so much to learn though.” Wonwoo was glad that Mingyu was the one who broke the silence first. The atmosphere was quite good so he thought he could start with this apology. He set his utensils down on his plate and looked straight at Mingyu.

“I want to apologize.”

Mingyu stopped eating as well and placed  down his fork. He took it as a signal to continue. “I behaved rather badly during the wedding. I know I shouldn’t have escaped and left you there. I was just not feeling that well that day, with the pressure and all.” A total lie because there was no way he would tell him that he ran out of jealousy. “As for the drinking, yeah, another form of escape. I wanted to be alone.”

“You should have told me. I was beside you the whole day.”

_No, you weren’t. You were with Hyeri_. They would probably start fighting again if he brought that up so he just continued. “I know I caused you a lot of trouble when we went home. I couldn’t really control my emotions when I’m drunk. I was being irrational and stupid and I let my mouth just say some pretty rude stuff. I’m sorry. And thank you for taking care of me even though I was an ass.”

“It’s alright.” Mingyu replied softly. “As your husband, it’s my duty to take care of you.”

_Duty_. Not out of love. He was already gravely aware of that. Perhaps that was why he thought of the following things that he was about to say. “With that said, I promise not to be of any inconvenience to you in the future. I know, we got married because of a long standing deal and not out of love so there’s no reason for us to get involved in each other’s business.”

This wasn’t what Wonwoo wanted. He was going to do that for Mingyu. He didn’t want to ruin his life more than he had already done. He wasn’t looking at Mingyu as he talked, afraid that he would be swayed to do the opposite. “I already moved my things to the smaller room. We don’t really have to stay in one room together. I understand that. We can just be casual housemates. You don’t have to tell me where you’re going or what you do, and I won’t either.”

Mingyu never uttered a word while Wonwoo laid out his proposition. The latter still didn’t glance at his spouse but he could sense his eyes boring into him. The easygoing atmosphere they had earlier suddenly felt too heavy.

“Is that really what you want?” Mingyu’s deep voice wasn’t loud but it resonated inside the room.

Wonwoo wanted to scream no but instead he quietly said yes.

“Look me in the eyes and say that again.”

Why was he making this so hard? Wonwoo was already torturing himself with these conditions. He unwillingly lifted his gaze and looked straight at his husband. “Yes, this is what I want.” He was surprised at how he could say those words with conviction.

“And you just decided this all on your own. Without asking me about it.”

“That’s why I’m telling you right now.” His hands were already shaking at his sides. He really didn’t want to cry in front of him.

“Why? Why are you setting this up?”

“So it could be easier for you.”

“Easier for me? Or for you?” Mingyu raised his voice a bit but it was enough to make Wonwoo flinch. “Tell me, what do you really want?”

“Stop asking me that. I’m doing this for you.” It was his turn to be mad now. “I know you never wanted any of this, Mingyu. You were just forced to marry me because of this stupid arrangement. I’m making it easier for you to get out of this contract soon.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that.You’re just being selfish for your own good.”

“It’s all my fault, okay? And I’m trying to make this better! Why can’t you see that?”

“Why are you blaming yourself?” His husband was quite vexed now. He could clearly see the frustration in his eyes.

“Because I was the one who pulled you into this.”

“No, you are not. If anyone should be blamed for this, it’s Jaejin.”

Mingyu spoke his cousin’s name with so much disdain that it urged Wonwoo to protect his old friend. “This isn’t Jaejin’s fault. He has nothing to do with this.”

His husband scoffed. “Are you being serious right now? None of this would have happened if Jaejin didn’t run away and abandon you.”

“It’s not like that. Jaejin would never.” Wonwoo firmly stated.

“Then where is he right now? Are you really going to defend someone who left you? Someone who just disappeared and let everything turn into chaos?”

“You don’t understand!” Wonwoo abruptly stood up from his seat. “I’m sure Jaejin had his reasons. He’s not someone—”

Mingyu quickly cut him off. “Is this what it’s all about?”

“What?”

“Is that why you made up all of those conditions? Not to make it easier for me, but for you to quickly return to Jaejin once he comes back?” Mingyu was back to his calm demeanor but somehow it scared Wonwoo more.

He was speechless. He couldn’t believe Mingyu would interpret his words that way. “Mingyu, it’s not like that.”

“It’s perfectly clear to me now. You could have just told me.” His husband stood up from his chair and walked towards him in just two steps.

Wonwoo sucked in his breath when Mingyu stopped right by his side, only a few inches between them. He didn’t dare to look at his face, afraid that he was going to see the hatred in his eyes.

A violent shiver ran down his spine when his husband’s breath ghosted over his ear and whispered, “I will abide by your conditions but do remember this. I don’t know how you think Jaejin will come back to you but when the time ever comes, I won’t let you go easily. I’ll make sure you regret all those things that you said to me.”

Wonwoo gripped the side of the table to keep himself from crumbling down. Mingyu was long gone but the intensity of his words still shook Wonwoo to the core. It was more of a threat than a promise. Everything just went downhill and Jaejin might have been the start for all of this but he knew better. He couldn’t help defending his old friend, he wasn’t the one to blame.

Because Wonwoo was the reason why Jaejin disappeared in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting closer ended me.
> 
> happy holidays :)


	4. forelsket.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> forelsket.  
> (n.) the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love

It was another boring day at home. Wonwoo lounged on their couch with the television’s remote control on one hand, scrolling through the channels. Nothing much was going on for the past few days and Jaejin was still out of town. His fiancée was currently on the countryside and the telco reception there was poor so they couldn’t really call each other.

He was invited by his friends to go to the arcade earlier but he was too lazy to get out of the house. It was one of the last few weeks of winter so going out wasn’t really one of his options. He was contemplating whether he should just reread some of his favorite books when his phone rang.

Half of his mind was set on ignoring the call but then he caught sight of the caller on the screen and he immediately sprang back to life. With shaking hands he answered the phone and the caller’s voice put a grin on his face.

“Jae, you’re back!” Wonwoo happily greeted.

Jaejin chuckled on the other line. “Hello to you, too, Wonwoo.”

“I thought you won’t be back until this weekend?”

There was a brief pause before Jaejin replied. “We had to be back early for something. Anyway, we’re still on the road back to the city. Can I drop myself at your place first?”

Wonwoo sensed something off with Jaejin’s tone. “Sure. But is everything alright?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Wonwoo heard some shuffling and another indistinct voice in the background. “I’ll explain later. I think I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”

They bid each other goodbye. Wonwoo went to his room to change his clothes because he had been wearing that since the other day. The weather was still freezing but he took a quick shower and dried his hair to avoid getting sick. Jaejin knew he was too lazy to shower during winter season but it wouldn’t hurt to make himself look alive.

Jaejin’s thirty minutes became an hour but it didn’t matter to Wonwoo because he was able to see his best friend again. It had been a month since they saw each other and for Wonwoo who had been seeing him almost every day for the last ten years, it felt like a long time.

Like most boys their age, they both grew taller when they reached middle school with gangly limbs, slightly deeper voices and other awkward puberty stages. Wonwoo was just about to enter his first year of high school while Jaejin would be on his second, being a year older than him.

They sat down on the couch that Wonwoo had been occupying since that morning. Wonwoo’s mother brought them hot chocolate and fussed over Jaejin before she finally left them on their own. He couldn’t help thinking that his mother loved Jaejin more than him sometimes.

“Well, this is a sight. You took a shower.” Jaejin took notice of his damp hair and began teasing him about it.

“I’m a man of surprises. Don’t want you thinking that I wore the same clothes for the past two days.”

The other male eyed him suspiciously. “Did you?”

“No, of course not.” Then, he added. “It was four days.”

That made Jaejin crack up. “I knew it!”

“It’s too cold, alright? Enough judging of my bad hygiene.” Wonwoo dismissed the topic with a wave. On a serious tone, he said, “What brings you here?”

“Is it wrong to visit my fiancée who I’ve missed so much?” Jaejin tried to gather him into a hug. Wonwoo, who was quite used to this antic, easily evaded him.

“Jae, what’s wrong?” He insisted.

“You’ve always been sharp when there’s trouble.” His best friend sighed exasperatedly. “Mingyu finds that irritating, too, you know.”

The mere mention of Mingyu’s name caused his heart to skip a beat. It had been awhile since he spoke of his first love. “Oh, Mingyu, huh? Did you meet him? Did he.. talk about me?” He felt foolish asking. Three years had already passed since Wonwoo last saw him. After graduating from elementary school, Mingyu moved out of Jaejin’s house to live with his grandmother.

The last actual conversation—more like argument—they had was when Wonwoo cornered Mingyu into telling him what he did wrong for the sun-kissed boy to avoid him. That didn’t end well and they almost became strangers if not for Jaejin’s fruitless attempts to get them to talk again. They both adored Mingyu’s cousin so they tried to be civil when Jaejin was around. It went on like that for a few years until Mingyu left the Kim residence.

That was Wonwoo’s biggest regret in life—easily giving up and not fixing things with Mingyu. He was so afraid that Mingyu would continue rejecting him and eventually hate him so he didn’t make any further effort. But how could he have patched things up between them when he didn’t even know why Mingyu avoided him? He was still a kid back then, a cowardly child.

Wonwoo didn’t hear anything from him for the past three years apart from Jaejin’s stories on the rare chances that Mingyu picked up his cousin’s calls. He tried not to think nor miss him, didn’t look at the greenhouse whenever he passed by the garden. Sure they almost had something going on before, but they were way too young and it was too short-lived for Wonwoo to keep holding on his puppy love.

Wonwoo did hold on though, as pathetic as it was to admit.

“Not really.” Jaejin answered his curiosity. “I just mentioned you and he sort of agreed.” Wonwoo tried not to look bothered by it but Jaejin still sent him a sympathetic glance.

Sometimes it seemed like Jaejin knew about Wonwoo’s feelings for his cousin. He never questioned Wonwoo about it though. And even though they were best friends, Wonwoo didn’t want to bring it up. It would be weird considering Jaejin was still his fiancée and Jaejin was supposed to be the one Wonwoo’s in love with. Fate could be too cruel at times.

“I visited the countryside.” Jaejin started.

“Yeah, and you never told me where exactly. Why is this place such a mystery?”

“Well, to be honest, I was afraid that you would follow me.” His best friend smiled sheepishly.

“ _What?_ ” Wonwoo huffed in disbelief. “Excuse me, Kim Jaejin. I certainly am not obsessed with you to follow you wherever you—”

“I went to where Mingyu lived and stayed with him there.”

Wonwoo blinked once, twice before mouthing, “Oh.” It took him a few seconds to recover from his surprise and then he blurted out, “Hey! I-I wouldn’t! I won’t follow you just because of Mingyu.”

“Really, now?” Jaejin raised an eyebrow at him.

_Not with you knowing_. Wonwoo averted his gaze. “So, what happened there?”

“I tried to convince him to come back here. His grandmother died a month ago. He’s all alone there now.” Wonwoo instantly froze. His best friend’s eyes were somewhere else. “Aside from his father, we’re the only ones left of his family.”

Wonwoo wasn’t told the reason why Mingyu moved back to the countryside. He was there on Mingyu’s last day in the city and the boy looked so excited despite Jaejin crying on the side. To say that it made Wonwoo devastated was an understatement but he tried his best not to let it show (he already soaked his pillows with tears the night before, anyway).

Mingyu made brief eye contact with him that day. Wonwoo couldn’t figure out what Mingyu’s beautiful onyx eyes were saying but it made his heart at ease. His first love passed by him on his way out and he might have imagined hearing those two words that he kept close to his heart all these years.

_Maybe someday_.

It wrenched his heart when he thought of Mingyu’s happiness being taken away again from him due to his grandma’s death. “How is he? Did he want come back?”

“He’s doing fine. Or he pretended to be when I was there. He’s close to their neighbors and they’re almost like an aunt and uncle to him but they often go home late from their jobs. He didn’t want to go back here. I spent a month trying to convince him but he wouldn’t budge.”

“Is he going to be fine alone?” Wonwoo wanted nothing more but to take the next bus to Mingyu’s place. It broke his heart to think that Mingyu had no one beside him there.

His best friend sighed dejectedly. “Grandfather is coming home next week and he wants Mingyu to be there with us. So my parents would surely find a way to get him back here. I want Mingyu to be with us again but I didn’t want to force him. That’s why I asked my parents to let me persuade him. I never thought I would fail.”

Wonwoo stretched his arm and patted Jaejin’s back consolingly. “I know you tried your best, Jae.”

Jaejin shifted closer to him, placing his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder. The latter closed his eyes as a depressing silence engulfed them. He couldn’t understand why all these things had to happen to Mingyu. Wonwoo never got angry at him for shutting him out from his life; he knew it was because of the unfortunate circumstances that the boy had.

He had no idea why Mingyu didn’t want to go back to the city. Wonwoo wasn’t too arrogant to think that it was because of him. Even before, he always felt that Mingyu was holding back his happiness when he lived with the Kims. It was as if something or someone was preventing him from enjoying his life. He truly hoped that wasn’t the case.

Wonwoo was nervous on the first day of high school since he would start all over again with new friends and new classes. It was a bit comforting that he was on the same school as Jaejin but the latter was still a year ahead of him. He saw a few familiar faces from his previous school on his class and he chatted with them a bit before going out for morning assembly.

He was walking down the hallway when he saw someone whose head was towering over the other students. Usually, Wonwoo paid no mind but there was something with that tousled hair that was achingly familiar. He quickened his pace to catch up with the tall boy, maneuvering his way through the other students. Soon enough the boy was in front of him and the thumping of his heart was no mistake.

With a mind of its own, his hand reached out to grab the other boy’s arm. The latter twitched in surprise and spun on his heel abruptly. It was too fast that Wonwoo wasn’t able to brace himself when he was met with those beautiful eyes again.

“Mingyu.” The name slipped out of his lips as if it had been waiting to utter it again for so long.

Wonwoo had to tilt his head up to properly look at him. Mingyu grew a few inches taller than Wonwoo during the three years they spent apart. The chubby cheeks that he used to have was almost gone, shaping up his strong jawline. His eyes were filled with shock as they reflected Wonwoo’s face with an equally surprised expression.

“You’re Mingyu, right?” There was no doubt that this was his first love but it didn’t look like Mingyu was going to say something soon so Wonwoo wanted to hear his voice.

However, Mingyu just nodded in response and before Wonwoo could blurt out how much he missed him, he heard his classmates calling him from their line. He didn’t want to get scolded because of being late to the assembly but he also didn’t want to let go of Mingyu. Wonwoo glanced at his classmates who were waiting for him and then brought back his attention to Mingyu who had already wiped away his shock. The look he was giving Wonwoo was unreadable, unnerving to say the least, making Wonwoo let go of his arm that he had been holding all this time.

He subtly shook his head to get his bearings back and peered at Mingyu apologetically. “I need to go but I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”

The tall boy didn’t give him an answer and just stared at Wonwoo. The latter took it as a cue to leave but when he was already two steps away, he heard Mingyu say, “It’s nice to see you again, Wonwoo.” It definitely caught him off guard and when he turned around to say something back, Mingyu was already walking away.

After morning assembly, he rushed to the boys’ restroom and sent a text message to Jaejin asking furiously why he didn’t tell Wonwoo that Mingyu was back and was on their school. His best friend replied just as he was about to leave the cubicle, apologizing because Mingyu just arrived last night and he wanted to surprise Wonwoo with the news.

Wonwoo could barely concentrate during his class periods due to his mind swimming with thoughts of the sun-kissed boy. It seemed like Mingyu got tanner after spending a couple of years in the countryside and it gave him this aura that made Wonwoo blush. He hoped that his teachers wouldn’t notice how preoccupied he was at the moment but first day was just all about introductions anyway so Wonwoo didn’t bother. He wanted to find Mingyu during lunch break but he wasn’t sure what class he was in. Wonwoo knew that they were on the same year and the other classes were just near his but Mingyu was nowhere to be seen.

He didn’t have to search for long though. Mingyu was the one waiting for him just right outside his classroom when the first school day ended. He blinked multiple times to make sure he wasn’t just seeing things but when he came face to face with his first love, he knew he wasn’t dreaming.

“Jaejin said he had club meeting so he couldn’t go home with you. That’s all.” And in a blink of an eye, Mingyu was quickly striding away.

Wonwoo was still quite dumbfounded with the turn of events but he managed to chase Mingyu before he could escape. “Hey, Kim Mingyu! Wait up!”

Mingyu didn’t bother stopping but he slowed down his pace and Wonwoo was able to catch up with him. “Curse you and your long legs.” He muttered under his breath.

“You also have long legs.”

He didn’t think Mingyu would hear him or that he would say that kind of retort. He wanted to glare at him but this was no time for unnecessary banter. “I didn’t think you would be back.”

“Do you not want me to be?”

“Of course not!” He replied too forcefully which made Mingyu raise his eyebrows at him. _Uncool, Wonwoo. Way too uncool_. He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “I mean, I thought you didn’t want to be back here. Jaejin went back depressed because he wasn’t able to convince you.”

Mingyu became silent as they were walking out of the building. He didn’t know where they were going but they happened to pass by the courtyard. Wonwoo halted his steps and went to sit on a nearby bench. He thought that Mingyu was going to ignore him and just leave but the boy also took a seat beside him. There was an apparent space between them though.

“I’m sorry about your grandmother.” Wonwoo began offering his condolences.

“It’s alright. She lived a long life.” The other male looked up to the sky and Wonwoo thought that maybe Mingyu was seeing his grandma’s face in there.

“I’m sorry about last time, too.” Mingyu said a few moments later.

“Last time?” His brows furrowed in confusion.

“I was an asshole to you when we were kids. I avoided you when you didn’t even do anything wrong. I’m sorry.” Mingyu’s eyes were now trained on the ground and even though he was taller and quite bigger than Wonwoo, he looked so small like that with his remorse.

Wonwoo sported a small smile. “Hey, it’s alright. We were stupid kids back then.” He never would have imagined that Mingyu would be the one to bring the topic up. He had a hard time planning earlier how he would talk to Mingyu about it. “Do you mind telling me why you did though?”

Wonwoo saw how Mingyu clenched his fists at his question. He wanted to wrap his hand around it and smooth it out but that would be too forward. “I can’t tell you right now.” Mingyu turned his face towards him. “Is that alright?”

How could Wonwoo say no when Mingyu was looking at him like he wanted nothing more but Wonwoo’s forgiveness? “It’s alright. But someday, okay?”

_Someday_. He wanted to ask what Mingyu meant when he said that to Mingyu three years ago. “Hey, Mingyu. About last time..” _When is someday? Is someday now?_

“Last time?”

_Let’s just take it easy for now_. He didn’t want to ruin this restart that was granted to him. Someday could wait. He shook his head in dismissal. “Never mind. Want to grab some ice cream? Let’s wait for Jaejin.”

Things seemed to be back to normal after that. They fell into their routine again of hanging out at each other’s places during the weekends, going home together after school or stopping by the arcade or the mall first. Mingyu joined the soccer club that Jaejin was in and Wonwoo would watch them practice sometimes. The cousins also invited him to join but he was too lazy for physical activities. He was pretty contented with both the music and literature clubs.

Wonwoo tried to keep his feelings for Mingyu in check. He thought before that what he felt for Mingyu was just a crush, an intense infatuation that he just confused with love. It was quite impossible not to be attracted to him with his boyish charm and tall physique. He was the epitome of Wonwoo’s teenage dream and he often had a hard time fighting with himself on how to stop being so obvious with the staring.

It would be easier to deal with if it was just Mingyu’s physical qualities that made Wonwoo so smitten. But the boy could possibly do _anything_  he tried to do—be it cooking, keeping his grades up, sports, art, even sewing and stitching. Past all these skills, Mingyu remained to be the quiet boy he always had been, often content with being on Jaejin’s shadow. Mingyu didn’t associate with many people and he only just hung out with Jaejin and Wonwoo. Jaejin had the charisma that drew people to him, causing Mingyu to be overlooked despite being the taller one of the two. He was always aware of his surroundings, quick to sense if there was something wrong. Mingyu would often mediate when Jaejin and Wonwoo had their usual petty fights. Wonwoo adored Jaejin, he really did, but there were times when he wanted to shove his fiancée out of the way and pull Mingyu in front to show to the world how amazing and wonderful he really was.

There would be those moments, too, when the two of them would be alone while Jaejin was out with his other friends. They were back to the greenhouse again and even though it was too hot to be there during summer, Wonwoo still spent his time reading there while Mingyu was cultivating more plants than he could handle. Another thing that didn’t change was Mingyu’s love for daffodils.

They were out in the garden and Wonwoo just observed while Mingyu watered the flowers, placing extra attention on his favorite yellows that almost made Wonwoo jealous. “Why don’t you just go marry them?” He mocked playfully.

Mingyu chuckled softly. “Won’t that make you lonely?”

The taller boy didn’t seem to think much of his response but it panicked Wonwoo. Mingyu was probably just teasing him but wouldn’t that mean he knew Wonwoo’s feelings? He had half a mind to vehemently deny whatever Mingyu was accusing him of when Mingyu’s expression turned wistful.

“It was my mother’s favorite.”

Wonwoo didn’t say anything and waited for him to continue. “My mother loved flowers so much. This was her garden. My father was a florist and they met during a fair in town. She was already engaged to someone else, someone she didn’t love. It was my father who won her heart though. They eloped to my father’s side of the family in the countryside. And then they had me.”

It was the first time that Wonwoo heard of this story. No one told him but he already sensed that talking about Mingyu’s mother was a taboo in the Kim household. There were no pictures of her inside the house or even in the photo albums they kept in the library. All Jaejin told him was that she was the younger sister of Jaejin’s mom that got abducted.

“They didn’t get married because they were afraid that registering their names might lead my mother’s family to where she was. But what they had was more beautiful than marriage. We had a happy life. And then, here I am.” Mingyu’s smile was sad as he recalled his memories. It didn’t look like he was going to say anything more so Wonwoo stepped closer to him and wrapped his hand around his.

“I think she’s wonderful.” Wonwoo said softly with a small smile on his face. He took a shot and threw all caution to the wind when he initiated the hand holding but he wasn’t that surprised when Mingyu slipped his fingers in between his, twining them and gripping his hand tight.

The next day, there was a bouquet of daffodils on Wonwoo’s bedside table.

Wonwoo was an expert when it came to video or online games and he prided himself for it. He always won whenever he played with Mingyu or Jaejin and the two sometimes kept the controller away from him so he couldn’t add more to their losses. However, it was a hot day in August when Jaejin got his rare win.

“So, have you confessed to Mingyu yet?” Jaejin asked Wonwoo out of the blue.

Wonwoo’s eyes widened in shock and his fingers got frozen. His player on screen swerved out of control and was soon out of the race track. He purposely gave himself a handicap earlier by killing his character twice so that Jaejin could have a chance in winning. Now, he was out of lives. He was out of words as well.

It was an easy win for Jaejin. “After 50 fucking years!” His stupid best friend whooped in victory before turning to him with a mischievous grin. “So? Any progress?”

“W-what the hell are you talking about?” He spluttered.

Jaejin looked at him funny. “You didn’t think I wasn’t going to notice, did you? I thought you know that I know.”

“Know what?” No, there was no way he was going to admit it.

Jaejin rolled his eyes. “Jeon Wonwoo. Anyone who would catch you looking at Mingyu would know that you are head over heels for him.”

Wonwoo’s eyes twitched in panic. “I.. W-what do you mean? I’m—Does he? Do you?” He was an incoherent mess and he knew he looked so ridiculous at the moment because Jaejin started laughing at him.

“Hey, it’s alright. You don’t have to look like you were caught in a crime.” The other boy tried to calm him after he was done laughing. “And to answer your unfinished question, no. I don’t think Mingyu knows. He’s way too oblivious when it comes to these things. I don’t think he has any idea how you pined over him all these years.”

“I didn’t pine over him.” He denied with a pout. He always had a feeling that Jaejin knew, but he didn’t think he would ever bring it up. “Jae?”

“Hmm?”

“Is it cool? Between us, I mean.” Wonwoo didn’t say it out loud but he knew that his fiancée would get what he was talking about.

Jaejin sighed deeply. “We’re quite in a situation, aren’t we? I love you, Wonwoo. And I know you love me more than that.” He lightly punched the other’s arm, making Jaejin chuckle. “But it’s not _that_  kind of love. You’re my best bro. _Just_  my best bro.”

He scrunched up his nose. “You make it sound like you’re rejecting me. If there’s anyone that’s getting rejected that should be you.”

“Yeah, I know. Spare my heart from the pain, will you?” Jaejin used his puppy eyes on him but Wonwoo was already immune to that.

“What now, Jae? I don’t think we have a say in this engagement, even though we’re the ones that are supposed to get married. It’s all up to the adults.” There were only a few years left. Before he could even do anything about it, he might already be too late.

“I’ll find a way.” Jaejin squeezed his hand reassuringly. Wonwoo believed him.

A few months later, a big news started to spread around school. Wonwoo already knew what it was before it even reached the grapevine so  he wasn’t really bothered by it. He was, in fact, happy for his best friend. What he didn’t expect was Mingyu waiting for him after his music club activities looking like someone had destroyed his garden.

“Hey, Mingyu.” Wonwoo trod on carefully. He didn’t know why Mingyu looked so furious, after all. “Is everything alright?”

The taller guy grabbed his hand unceremoniously and dragged Wonwoo with him. He was lost on what was going on so he tried to yank his hand away but Mingyu’s hold on him was too tight. They finally stopped in front of an empty chemistry lab and Mingyu quickly scanned the place before pulling Wonwoo inside.

It was the first time that Wonwoo got scared of Mingyu and it must have shown on his face because Mingyu got rid of his frown and looked at Wonwoo softly instead. “What happened, Gyu?” He murmured quietly.

“Are you alright?”

He wasn’t quite sure what Mingyu was referring to. “I am..? Why are you asking?”

“Did Jaejin tell you? I swear I’m gonna beat him up when we get home. I can’t believe he could just do this to you.”

From those words alone, Wonwoo got what Mingyu was talking about. “Are you talking about Jaejin dating Seungmin?”

The taller boy wore that frown again on his face. “How could you be so cool about this?”

“Jaejin asked for my permission, even if he didn’t really need to. He liked Seungmin for quite some time now so I’m really happy that he finally had the guts to ask the guy out.” Wonwoo explained with a smile. It really wasn’t a big deal to Wonwoo. His engagement to Jaejin wasn’t common knowledge in the school to begin with. Wonwoo had asked them to keep it a secret because he didn’t want it to cause a commotion around school. Arranged marriages were normal in the society but Jaejin was one of those popular students so people would surely create a fuss about it and Wonwoo never really liked being the center of attention.

Mingyu was at a loss for words to say. It seemed like was going through something in his mind and it amused Wonwoo to see the different emotions playing around on his face. “But I thought you two were..”

“We’re still engaged, of course, if that’s what you’re asking. But you know that it’s not something that we planned on our own. Jaejin and I.. we both have an understanding.”

“So you don’t like Jaejin that way?” Mingyu’s voice was too soft that Wonwoo almost didn’t hear it but he read the words from his lips.

Wonwoo wanted to ask what kind of way he was talking about just to tease him but it would just ruin the moment. He bravely met Mingyu’s gaze and answered his question. “No, I don’t. I never did.”

Things began to change after that. Jaejin spent less time with them since he started dating. Seungmin was just the start because he was quick to change partners for the rest of the school year. But Jaejin didn’t bring any of his boyfriends or girlfriends home. Whenever their families were around, they still pretended that they were that couple who were already set on marrying each other. It got harder each time though, because something also shifted in his relationship with Mingyu.

They were always together, sometimes being awkward third wheels on some of Jaejin’s dates, but they weren’t dating. Neither had confessed anything. They were more than friends, Wonwoo was sure, but they just continued to dance around each other’s feelings, waiting for the other to make the first move to clarify what they were doing. Even Jaejin was getting tired of their _will they or won’t they_  trope but he had promised Wonwoo that he wouldn’t interfere even if sometimes he almost did.

And graduation day was one of those times.

Jaejin graduated the previous year but he told Wonwoo that he would attend the ceremony. It already ended and his parents were at his side congratulating him but his best friend was nowhere to be seen. Mingyu also graduated that day but he also disappeared as soon as it was over. He was about to complain to his parents when he received a call.

“Where the hell are you?” Wonwoo didn’t bother greeting Jaejin. He never did, anyway.

“Chill, Won. I watched you climb up the stage, don’t worry.” Jaejin replied. “I have a surprise for you. Come to the music room.”

“I swear, Kim Jaejin, if you’re going to pull that prank again I’m going to whack you to sleep.” His mother shot him a sharp look when he said that so he mouthed _sorry_ before moving a few steps away out of earshot.

“Hey, I’m too old for pranks now. And you’re not strong enough to whack me. Anyway, just come, okay?”

Wonwoo didn’t have a good feeling about this but he still made his way to the music room. Jaejin was great at surprises and parties but he found it too much at times. It was unusual how there seemed to be no other person around the building when he came in. The ceremony was held on the grounds outside but it was impossible that no one was left inside. It was like the perfect setup for a thriller film and he almost scared himself to go back to where the crowd was but he wasn’t a wimp. Jaejin probably had something to do with this.

His heart almost leapt out of his chest when someone suddenly grabbed his arm just as he turned the hallway. Good thing he didn’t scream but he still let out an unmanly gasp due to surprise. He eventually calmed down when he saw who it was.

“Mingyu?” The sun-kissed boy was still holding his arm, a playful glint on his eyes. “Why are you here?”

“Jaejin set up some surprise party for us in the music room. Let’s get out of here.”

“What? Shouldn’t we go there? Jaejin took time to organize this.”

Mingyu was shaking his head like he was repulsed by it. “He collected some pretty embarrassing photos during high school.”

“They shouldn’t be that bad, right?” He asked hopefully.

“Second year sports festival. _The relay race_.”

Wonwoo had sudden flashbacks of the most embarrassing moment of his life. He wanted to erase that memory from his existence but Jaejin would never let that die. With a determined face, he said, “Let’s not give that little shit the satisfaction. Let’s go.”

Mingyu and Wonwoo quickly turned back to where Wonwoo came from and walked in hurried steps but they heard some footsteps coming up fast behind them. They turned to each other in panic and sprinted into a run. They knew they would be caught in no time so it was lucky that there was an empty classroom along their way. Mingyu snatched his hand and pulled him inside, concealing themselves behind the huge cabinet that kept the class trophies inside. It was situated close to the wall so they huddled closer to each other.

“Shit, where did they go?” They heard a voice say outside. It sounded awfully like his friend Junhui.

Someone replied to him in Chinese and he was pretty sure that was Minghao. They waited a few moments and it seemed like no one was outside anymore. A few seconds more and they both burst out in hushed giggles.

When the mirth had died down, it was then that Wonwoo realized that they were standing too close for comfort. They were facing in each other in that small space, Wonwoo’s back against the wall, Mingyu leaning over him. Their breaths mixed until Wonwoo held his when he gazed up at Mingyu’s face. The sun was setting, a soft orange light streaming through the windows, illuminating the side of the taller boy’s face in an ethereal glow.

Wonwoo couldn’t control his rapidly beating heart and he was afraid that Mingyu might hear it in the silence. “I think we should go.”

He was about to move away when Mingyu grabbed his shoulder to keep him in place. He never said a word as they locked their gazes on each other. There was something different in the air, something that had always been there but both too afraid to pursue. Mingyu’s hand slowly made its way to Wonwoo’s face, lightly touching with the softest caress. Wonwoo instinctively leaned against the touch and closed his eyes. Mingyu was warm.

When he opened his eyes again, Mingyu was looking at him in wonder. It was like he couldn’t believe that Wonwoo was right there in front of him. With a trembling hand, he dared to place his palm on Mingyu’s chest close to where his heart was. Mingyu’s heart was running so fast it could compete on a race with his.

Not a minute later and Mingyu’s face was descending to his. Wonwoo tried not to close his eyes so he could take this unbelievable sight in. Mingyu’s long eyelashes, his warm eyes, his cute nose—he didn’t get a proper look of his lips but he soon felt it press against his.

Mingyu’s lips were dry but the way he kissed Wonwoo was soft, too gentle that it almost made Wonwoo cry. Mingyu was holding his face delicately, in contrast to the way Wonwoo clutched the front of Mingyu’s uniform. It wasn’t quite long but it was enough to leave Wonwoo breathless, his glassy eyes trying to focus on the beautiful boy in front of him.

Smiles full of promise and meaning were exchanged between them and then Wonwoo tiptoed on his feet to kiss Mingyu like how he wanted for most of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys don't mind the timeline shifting. i will probably alternate between the past and the present to explain things between mingyu and wonwoo. next update will be next year lol
> 
> advance happy new year, guys!
> 
> also, happy birthday to shua hyung! :)


	5. induratize.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> induratize  
> \- (v.) to make one's own heart hardened, resistant to someone's pleas or to the idea of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not really satisfied with how this chapter turned out but i hope you guys could bear with me ;__; still, i want to dedicate this to my main bitch toni who's celebrating her birthday today.
> 
> hbd toni luv u

Wonwoo cradled his chin on one hand, propped on his desk with his elbow as he watched the world go around outside the classroom window. Students were chatting excitedly after taking their final exams, looking relieved that the term was over. It wasn’t the same for his own class since his students were still busy scribbling their answers. He knew he could have scheduled the exams earlier in the day, but he didn’t really want to go home to an empty house before sundown.

“Mr. Jeon?”

Almost reluctantly, Wonwoo pulled his attention away from the window and turned to the student in front of him. “Yes?”

“I’m done with my exam. Should I just place my paper here?”

He replied with a nod and the student left his papers on the desk. He wished Wonwoo a nice break before rushing outside. As the professor, Wonwoo should be the one wishing his students that but he was too lethargic that day to even say a word.

“You don’t seem to be in a good mood today, Mr. Jeon.”

He glanced up to see Lee Chan giving him a concerned look. He heaved a deep sigh as he gathered the papers and rearranged them. “Must be the weather.”

“I’ll help you check the room before leaving.” Chan offered and he just let the teen do as he wished.

Wonwoo kept the test papers safely inside his bag and checked the desk if he left anything. Chan approached him with a smile and they left the room together. The teen was one of his best students in class but he was chatty so Wonwoo hoped that he could escape sooner. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

“You really give the hardest essay questions, Mr. Jeon. I thought I wouldn’t be able to finish on time.” Chan started as they were walking out of the building.

“Oh?” Wonwoo replied with mild enthusiasm. “I thought it was the easiest I’ve ever given.”

Chan gave him a baffled stare. “You must really hate us.”

He chuckled softly. “I got a little carried away. The reading material is my favorite novel, you know. I don’t want you guys to just breeze through it.”

“Hmm, acceptable.” The student looked distracted for a moment as they passed a group of girls outside. But then he was back to chatter again. “Are you going on a vacation this break, Mr. Jeon?”

“I haven’t really thought of that. I’ll probably just hang around town. How about you, Chan?”

“I’ll visit my grandparents outside the city. You don’t have any plans with your husband?”

His breath almost hitched at the mention of his husband but he was able to control himself on time. “He’s a busy man.” _And he doesn’t want to be with me_.

“That’s too bad. My sister just got married last year as well and I swear her husband could hardly ever part with her. They live near us so I could still see how disgusting they are together.” Chan shuddered visibly making Wonwoo laugh.

“That sounds nice.” Wonwoo voiced out wistfully. “They must be really happy.”

“Yeah, they are.” They were already near the gates, time to say goodbye. “I hope you are happy, too, Mr. Jeon. Have a nice break!”

Wonwoo waved him goodbye before dropping his hand limply on the side. He truly wished he was happy. He crossed the street and started walking to his destination. The streets were mostly filled up with students who just got out of school. It would be nice to go back to his student life when everything was much easier.

He entered the café where he was supposed to meet Jeonghan. He ordered a cup of coffee and a pastry before taking a seat at the table beside the window. His friend was usually occupied with work so he was glad that they could meet up that day. He checked his wristwatch and his face crumpled when he realized that Jeonghan was fashionably late, as always.

About twenty minutes later, a pretty man with short, strawberry blonde hair entered the café. His eyes scanned the place before spotting Wonwoo on his table. He trudged his way to Wonwoo and plopped down on the available chair across his.

“Tough day?” Wonwoo asked as he sipped on his coffee.

“Not really. I just had a hard time looking for a parking spot near here.” Jeonghan exhaled in relief. “Good thing this place isn’t packed.”

“It will be in a few minutes so you better get your drink now.” He advised, making Jeonghan stand up again grudgingly.

 

***

 

They started talking about their jobs, how Jeonghan was so stressed with all the work his boss gave him at the start of the year. He could have refused but Wonwoo knew that his friend couldn’t say no to his boss with the gummy smile and long eyelashes. Wonwoo didn’t meet him yet but he was sure that his friend was whipped for the guy. He wasn’t able to contribute much on the work complaints because, really, how much trouble could his literature lessons be. He loved his work but things were seldom interesting in the university.

Jeonghan nibbled on his muffin as he sent careful glances towards Wonwoo. The latter took another sip of his coffee to prepare himself for what he was sure to be the pressing issue that he was hoping he could avoid. But he knew the blonde wasn’t going to let him slip away again after dodging the questions so many times before during phone calls.

“So,” His friend began. “How’s it going between you and Mingyu?”

He couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped from him. “It’s fine. Everything’s fine.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “You’re such a bad liar, Wonwoo. I know nothing’s fine. You try to avoid this topic as much as you can and I’m tired of it. You’ve got to tell me what’s going on.”

“I swear, nothing’s going on.” And that was kind of the truth. Nothing was really going on right now between Mingyu and him. They hardly ever saw each other, not even a word exchanged. Ever since that disastrous Christmas Eve some weeks ago, it was almost like they were strangers living in the same house. Mingyu always came home late in the evening and left very early the next day that Wonwoo became worried if Mingyu even slept.

During the weekends, his husband was never around. He was always on business trips or dinners with important people, sometimes outside the country. Mingyu never told him any of these, of course. It was just Joshua who always kept him updated with his spouse’s schedule even though he never asked. Still, he was grateful. It was better knowing than filling his mind with worry and anxiety about how Mingyu was doing.

Wonwoo had no one to blame for this situation other than himself. He was the one who came up with that ridiculous arrangement after all. _You don’t have to tell me where you’re going or what you do, and I won’t either_. Those were his exact words, and Mingyu really followed his stupid idea. He regretted it as soon as the words came out of his mouth but there was no way he could take it back now.

“We’re just really worried for you.” Jeonghan told him. “Even your mom called me and asked if you were okay. Why aren’t you visiting your parents?”

“I’m just really busy, that’s all. It’s a hassle to drive outside the city.” To be honest, it wouldn’t really take long to get to his parents’ place. He just didn’t want them to see how miserable he was.

“Bullshit. You just told me a few minutes ago that you were bored with your job. You can’t be bored when you’re busy.”

“You can. There are times when—”

“ _Wonwoo_.” Jeonghan spoke his name in warning. This meant that the blonde’s patience had worn thin and Wonwoo had no choice but to spill the beans.

“Mingyu and I aren’t talking to each other right now.” He finally admitted.

“You guys had a fight? When did this start?”

Wonwoo bit his lips in uncertainty. He didn’t want to worry his friend with his marital issues. “Umm, not long ago.”

Jeonghan squinted his eyes at him suspiciously. “When exactly is ‘not long ago’?”

“Like, around Christmas Eve?”

“That’s almost two months ago!” Jeonghan was incredulous. “What the hell happened?”

He absentmindedly stirred his coffee even though the cup was almost empty. He didn’t know where to start so he just settled to tell Jeonghan about his self-imposed terms and conditions regarding his cohabitation with Mingyu. Wonwoo expected that Jeonghan would berate him for his stupid decisions, so he was puzzled when the blonde just kept quiet for a few moments, looking quite thoughtful.

“What, no scolding this time?” Wonwoo supplied jokingly.

“There’s just something I can’t understand.” Jeonghan looked him straight in the eyes. “Are you hiding something?”

His grip on the coffee cup tightened. “What do you mean?”

“I think you’re blaming yourself too much. This isn’t your fault. Mingyu’s right, you know.”

“Right with what?” He already knew what Jeonghan was going to say.

“Things wouldn’t have turned out this way if not for Jaejin.” Wonwoo was about to respond but the other man quickly added, “Oh, don’t try to defend him now. How can he just disappear on you like that?”

He dreaded being cornered like this. He could never tell anyone what happened between him and Jaejin before he left town without any clue. All that was left the next day was a letter on his room with three words written on Jaejin’s familiar handwriting.

_Don’t find me_.

It was another mistake that got added to Wonwoo’s long list of sins. He couldn’t even get to forgive himself for what he did, the words he said that night. He had hope that Jaejin would come back in a week, everyone else did. It seemed like it was just one of his spontaneous trips; Jaejin always came back. But that time, he never did.

When the search started a week later and the police questioned him, Wonwoo gave away nothing. He was too afraid to admit that it was his fault and he couldn’t bring his best friend back. You couldn’t easily find someone who didn’t want to be found. Five months had passed since then and Wonwoo spent that time sending messages to Jaejin that never got read, calls that never got connected. He was burdened with both the truth and the guilt.

_You know I’ll always do anything for you_. Jaejin often told him that over the years. He really stayed true to those words.

“We don’t know what really happened to him, Jeonghan. I’ve known Jaejin for almost my entire life. He wouldn’t do this if he didn’t have a reason.” He didn’t know how long he could keep up with these excuses before he crumbled down and expose the truth.

The other guy was trying to read into Wonwoo’s face and the latter was aware of that. Usually, he could fish out the truth from Wonwoo easily but not this time. “The way you’re always defending him makes it seem like you know something.”

“I swear, I don’t.”

“Then stop ruining your marriage because of this. It’s not your fault that Jaejin disappeared and it’s not your fault that Mingyu was forced to marry you either. I don’t think anyone forced him to, anyway. He treated you well before you practically told him to stay out of each other’s business, didn’t he?” He paused as if waiting for Wonwoo to say something back but the latter just nodded. “Don’t make your life miserable, Wonwoo.”

Silence took over. There was nothing Wonwoo could say without giving himself away. A few people had entered the café and their voices were loud but it was quiet on their table. Now he felt bad that he got Jeonghan into his problems.

“I’m sorry.” He couldn’t help saying, his eyes trained on his unfinished pastry.

“Hey.” The blonde reached out for his hand and clasped it with his own. “I’m just looking out for you. I saw how you loved Mingyu helplessly since the time we became friends and I just thought maybe this was your chance to be happy, you know? I’m not saying that it’s good that Jaejin’s not here, but he left on his own accord. If he ever came back, he should know that you had no other choice. The wedding had to happen.”

“Yeah, I know.” This arranged marriage trapped him even before he was born. He always asked himself why he had to be the one. It never did him any good even if he ended up marrying the man he loved for so long. “Thanks, Hannie.” He wore a small smile.

“I thought I told you not to call me that anymore. We’re almost thirty already.” The blonde pouted at him.

“I’ll be calling you that until we’re wrinkly and old.” He replied playfully, earning an eye roll from his friend.

They talked about other mundane stuff for a while before Jeonghan left first to cook for his sister. Wonwoo wanted to stay for a few more minutes to finish his second coffee and to have some time with his thoughts. It was already sunset but he didn’t feel like going home yet. The placed was almost packed with groups of students who wanted to unwind after a long week of examinations.

He walked to the counter and bought some cookies to munch on. He decided that it would just be his dinner for tonight because he wasn’t up for a full meal. He carried his plate of cookies with one hand and turned on his heel. He didn’t notice that someone was lining up behind him so he almost knocked the plate off on the other person’s head. Good thing he was blessed with fast reflexes so he managed to pull back in time.

“I’m so—” He didn’t get to finish his apology when he saw the woman in front of him.

She was bug-eyed as she looked up at him, probably in shock, but she quickly recovered. “Wonwoo.”

“Kang Hyeri.” He said with a strained voice, trying to keep the bitterness at bay.

Hyeri’s face soon registered her trademark saccharine smile. “It’s been awhile.”

He never liked that smile.

 

***

 

It was summer break when Wonwoo first met Hyeri.

Ever since he started attending college, he lived on the university dorm and only went home during vacations. He wanted to spend as much time as he could at home since he would be on his graduating year on the next term. There would hardly be any time to visit his family. Jaejin attended the same university as Wonwoo but his best friend went home a day ahead of him because of a family gathering.

Wonwoo just arrived at their house but once he deposited his luggage on his room, he was soon speeding out towards Jaejin’s place. His fiancée accidentally packed one of his books the other day and Wonwoo needed it. He wanted to finish his essays first so that he could enjoy the rest of his vacation without any worries.

He didn’t tell Jaejin that he would be coming. After all those years, Wonwoo didn’t need any reason or permission to visit the Kims’ residence. It was already his second home. However, when he arrived, the house was unusually full. Jaejin’s relatives from the family gathering yesterday probably stayed overnight. He quickly went to find his best friend so that he could avoid the small talk from the guests. Wonwoo already knew most of them since he was always introduced as Jaejin’s fiancée whenever they were there.

He finally found Jaejin at the garden outside. It looked like he came out of the greenhouse and Wonwoo got curious because his fiancée rarely ever went there. Was he hiding something? “Hey, Jae.”

Jaejin’s shoulders visibly jumped when Wonwoo called him. His head almost snapped when he turned to Wonwoo and it looked so comical that Wonwoo snickered at him. “Why are you looking so shocked like that?”

The other male fidgeted on his feet and it was an unusual sight for the great Kim Jaejin. “Hey, Won. Why are you here? You should have told me you were coming.”

“You got one of my books.” Wonwoo quirked a brow. “I’ve been coming here since I was a kid. I didn’t think it’s necessary to tell you anymore.” He narrowed his eyes at the other. “You’re acting quite suspicious. Are you hiding something in the greenhouse? You never go there.”

Jaejin glanced warily at the greenhouse. “Look, Wonwoo. It’s not a good time.”

His head tilted in confusion. “Not a good time? Is something wrong?”

“Umm, you see—” Before Jaejin could give an explanation, the door to the greenhouse opened.

A girl wearing a yellow dress came out, her tinkling laugh resounding through the summer breeze. Her eyes sparkled as the sunrays hit her face. She saw them and with graceful steps, made a beeline towards their area. On a closer look, she was really beautiful. Red lips, porcelain skin and long black hair that flowed softly on her shoulders—she was a doll. She stood beside Jaejin and he noticed that her height just reached his friend’s shoulders.

Wonwoo sent Jaejin a bewildered look, asking him non-verbally if this was a new girlfriend. Jaejin just stood there awkwardly as the girl gave Wonwoo a sweet smile. “You must be Wonwoo.” Even her voice sounded pretty.

“Uhh, yes I am?” He answered uncertainly. There was no way that Jaejin would bring a girlfriend in the house so she was probably another relative.

His fiancée seemed to regain his composure so he cleared his throat and started with the introductions, albeit awkwardly. “Wonwoo, this is Kang Hyeri.” Jaejin’s hands gestured at the girl. “Hyeri, this is Jeon Wonwoo.”

Hyeri’s smile brightened more. “Nice to meet you, Wonwoo. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“I’m afraid I can’t say the same.” He replied lightheartedly. “I don’t think Jaejin ever mentioned you to me before, despite him telling you so much about me.” He returned a smile of his own.

“Actually, Wonwoo, she’s..” Seriously, what was wrong with Jaejin today? He couldn’t seem to complete his sentences.

They heard the greenhouse door opening again and Wonwoo felt like he was hit by a truck when his heart started beating hard against his chest. So this was why Jaejin didn’t want him there. Mingyu came home after three years and Wonwoo couldn’t have prepared himself for this.

He stood there, frozen on his feet, unabashedly gawking at Mingyu as he walked towards their group. But his first love didn’t even spare him a glance. His gaze was solely on the beautiful girl in front of Wonwoo and there was a smile on his face that squeezed Wonwoo’s heart in pain. It was the fond smile that Mingyu only reserved for people that he loved. Wonwoo used to see that smile every day.

“Are you finally done catching up with your precious babies?” Hyeri teased Mingyu playfully.

Wonwoo couldn’t believe his eyes when the sun-kissed boy lightly pinched the girl’s cheeks, fondness oozing out of the gesture. “Don’t get jealous now. I haven’t been here for years.”

Everything started to make sense. The realization was quick and its effect almost brought Wonwoo to his knees. But he willed himself to stay calm, to be numb and masked the pain he was feeling with a thin face. He couldn’t afford to appear weak right now in front of them. He was the one who made the decision years ago and this was the price that he paid.

 “Long time no see, Mingyu. I didn’t know you would be back.” Wonwoo was surprised on how steady his voice sounded. He thought that he was stupidly amazing for this feat.

Mingyu finally turned to him and he almost expected to see the hatred and pain in the taller boy’s eyes. The last time Wonwoo looked into that gaze, he shredded Mingyu’s heart to pieces. But there was no trace of that left. Mingyu almost looked happy to see him, as if the past never happened.

“Hyeri wanted to meet you guys so I brought her here.” There was an easy smile on his face and Wonwoo wanted to wipe it away. He didn’t like this. He hated how Mingyu was acting. “How have you been?”

“Never been better.” Wonwoo wore the fakest yet believable grin that he could muster. Two could play at this game. “So, how long have you two been together?”

“About four months.” Hyeri was the one to reply. “But we’ve known each other since freshman year so I already know this guy well.” The proud look on her face made Wonwoo feel so small.

“Hey, Wonwoo, you came to get your book, right? It’s in my room. Do you want to go now?” He almost forgot that Jaejin was there. He knew that his best friend was trying to save him but he didn’t want to appear like he was escaping.

“It’s alright, Jae. I have time to chat.” Maybe he was turning into a masochist. He wanted to see if Mingyu and Hyeri being together was a real thing. But the way Mingyu looked at her was so genuine that it made Wonwoo question whether he was the only one fooling himself.

“Hey, I know it’s late but I want to congratulate you two on your engagement.” She gave Jaejin and him her sincere wishes but Wonwoo’s toxic mind interpreted it as a taunt. He wanted to hate her so bad. “It must be nice to be engaged with someone you knew your entire life.”

“Yes, it is.” Wonwoo responded pleasantly. At the corner of his eye, he was watching Mingyu’s reaction but the latter was unbothered.

Until he caught Wonwoo’s eyes and something shifted in his composure. Mingyu was boring his gaze into Wonwoo now and he felt trapped. “You’ve always loved Jaejin. Isn’t that right, Wonwoo?”

He knew that Mingyu was challenging him to answer that. _You really think you can shake me, huh? I already made my resolve._ “From the very start, it has always been him.”

Hyeri giggled softly. “You’re so sweet, Wonwoo. You just flustered your fiancée.”

Jaejin didn’t look flustered though. He was staring at Wonwoo like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His eyes were asking _What the hell are you doing, Wonwoo_?

Honestly, he didn’t know what he was trying to prove either.

 

***

 

Wonwoo didn’t know what came to him when he invited Hyeri to sit with him at the café. Perhaps it was because she appeared to be struggling with her pregnant state. Her stomach looked bigger now. “Are you waiting for someone?” He asked her.

She finished sipping her hot chocolate before replying. “Uhh, no. I’m on my way to my doctor but I suddenly craved for my favorite muffins so I stopped here first. I live close by.”

“Really? I’m teaching at the university. This is the first time I’ve seen you around.”

“Oh, I just moved here recently.” She informed him sheepishly.

Wonwoo couldn’t help but notice her using “I” instead of “we”. He didn’t want to seem like he was prying so he asked carefully, “Are you going to the doctor alone? Isn’t your husband going to accompany you?”

He caught how she looked alarmed for a bit. “He’s not around right now. He’s busy.”

“I see.” He wasn’t satisfied with her answer but he didn’t want to press her further. Pregnant women were quite sensitive, he heard.

Deep inside, Wonwoo still resented Hyeri. It wasn’t just because of his feelings for Mingyu. A year ago, the two were already engaged, soon to be married. But everyone was shocked when it was called off with the news of Hyeri being pregnant with another man.

He couldn’t imagine how betrayed Mingyu must have felt when that happened but the two remained good friends. Mingyu didn’t even seem to hold any grudge against Hyeri. That was one thing he still couldn’t understand until now. They were together for six years and they always seemed so perfectly happy. Hyeri ended up marrying the other guy but her close bond with Mingyu remained the same.

There was a time when he badly wanted to ask Mingyu how he could easily forgive Hyeri like that, yet he couldn’t do the same for Wonwoo.

“When are you due?” Wonwoo queried.

“Next week, but I think it will be sooner. That’s why I’m going to visit my doctor.”

“Shouldn’t you be going now? It’s almost dark outside. Do you want me to go with you?” He offered sincerely.

“No, it’s alright, I have my car. I’ll be going in a bit. My feet are still aching.” She explained. “By the way, I didn’t get to talk to you during your wedding. Mingyu said you weren’t feeling well.”

“Oh, yeah. I got a little drunk.” He admitted.

Hyeri giggled softly. “That’s alright. How are you two? Is Mingyu treating you well?”

He was getting tired of answering this question but he shouldn’t let her know what was going on with his marriage. “Yeah. He’s always busy but it’s alright.”

“He’s been working hard to tie up the loose ends after—” She bit her lips to cut her statement. But Wonwoo already knew what she wanted to say. “How about you?”

“Huh?”

“Are you treating Mingyu well?”

Wonwoo was taken aback by her question. The way she asked him seemed like she knew more than she was letting on. It was possible that Mingyu had confided their problems to her. But it could also just be Hyeri trying to bait him for information. He needed to be careful. “I hope so. We’re doing okay, I guess.”

She held his gaze longer than what was comfortable that it almost made Wonwoo squirm on his seat. “That’s good to hear.” She stood up slowly. “I think I’ll be going now. Thanks for the company.”

He stood up as well. “Let me take you to the hospital.”

“It’s fine. It’s just near here.” She waved off his offer.

“At least let me walk you to your car.”

Hyeri eventually relented so Wonwoo followed her outside. They didn’t speak another word until Hyeri was seated in her car and they said their goodbyes. He was already walking away when he heard the car door open again. He spun on his heel and saw that Hyeri was trying to catch up with him.

“Hyeri? Is there something wrong?” The woman looked troubled so Wonwoo hoped that she wasn’t going into labor already.

“I’m sorry but I need to tell you this.” Her face was full of determination.

“Tell me what?”

“Stop hurting Mingyu like this. You have no idea how much he has sacrificed for you, Wonwoo. You don’t have any single idea that I almost want to punch you in the face right now.” She was close to tears now and it made Wonwoo panic. He was also bewildered as hell.

“Hey, are you alright? What are you talking about? I-I don’t understand.”

“Mingyu doesn’t want to let you know.” She took a deep breath and he was afraid that she might start hyperventilating there on the street. “When he agreed to marry you, he lost the right to visit his father in prison. He isn’t allowed to anymore.”

“What?” His shock came out as a whisper. This was the first time that Wonwoo heard this. “Why? They never told me about this.”

“It’s not only that. Mingyu.. he—”

“Hyeri.”

They were both startled when they heard that voice behind Wonwoo. He quickly turned around and found himself face to face with his husband. Mingyu was scowling.

“What are you two doing?” Mingyu really looked pissed at that moment.

Hyeri kept mum; perhaps she was afraid that Mingyu overheard their conversation. Wonwoo was the one who answered for them. “I kept her company before going to the hospital.”

“W-why are you here, Gyu? How did you know we were here?” Hyeri eventually found her voice.

“Your doctor called me and told me you were running late. I was on the way to your place when I saw you two here on the sidewalk.” Mingyu’s voice was stern. “Let’s get going, Hyeri. We’ll take your car.”

Mingyu walked past him and went straight beside Hyeri’s car. He opened the door to the passenger’s seat, waiting for the woman to get in. Hyeri remained rooted on her spot, sending Wonwoo a quick look as if to ask If he would be alright.

“I’ll go with you guys.” The words soon left his mouth before he even thought about it.

That caught Mingyu’s attention and he instantly frowned. “You don’t—”

“I wasn’t asking for permission.” Hyeri’s words still lingered on his mind and he needed answers right now. He wouldn’t let Mingyu slip away now that he was here.

“Wonwoo will go with us.” Hyeri spoke this time. “We should get going.”

It was probably the first time he saw Mingyu glaring at Hyeri. It showed on his face how he didn’t like the situation at hand. The glare was suddenly on Wonwoo but he stood his ground.

“Suit yourselves.” Mingyu grumbled before going around the car to the driver’s seat, leaving the passenger door open.

Hyeri sent him a small smile before hopping on. Wonwoo took a deep breath and braced himself for another confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vacation's over and i'm back to work so my time to write has lessened. i'll try my best to update at least once in two weeks. i think we're already halfway through the story so that's great haha thanks as always for all the love and comments! :)


	6. aeipathy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aeipathy  
> \- (n.) an enduring and consuming passion

Wonwoo never liked parties. He didn’t really hate them either but if he could have a chance to skip then he would in a heartbeat. However, being friends with Jaejin meant that he also got invited to a lot of parties throughout his college life. So there he was in the balcony, nursing a half-finished bottle of beer. It was also his last summer at the university so he thought it would be no harm to be there.

Although he started to regret his decision when his friend Junhui came over with someone and started making out beside him. He didn’t really want to leave his place there because it was cool outside but Junhui’s back kept pressing on his side and he worried that he might get pushed off the ledge.

He grunted irritably and glared at the other two. “Seriously, can’t you two get a room inside?”

Of course he was ignored because they were too busy eating each other’s faces out. He moved away and grudgingly walked back inside the house. “Assholes. I was here first.” He grumbled.

He wasn’t sure but he heard Junhui shouting, “Thanks, man!” He was too tired to deal with his friend’s shit so he let it slide for now. He’ll get back at Junhui later or tomorrow.

The party was still at full swing: the music blasting loud from the speakers, people dancing in the middle of the room or making out or both, booze being passed around, a group of individuals playing a mixed game of beer pong and body shots. Just standing there in the middle of the chaos made him dizzy. Or probably it was because of the drink.

He wasn’t really friends with the host of the party. He was just Jaejin’s plus one. Speaking of that guy, an hour had already passed since Wonwoo last saw him. They lost each other the moment they stepped into the house. He was quite used to that because everyone wanted Jaejin’s presence. He didn’t mind because Jaejin always found a way back to him.

Wonwoo would always be grateful for Jaejin’s existence in his life. He was always there for him—they only had each other. It was kind of strange but Jaejin stopped dating other people and sleeping around for a year now. He had always been protective of Wonwoo but he seemed much more attentive and caring these days, too, though it was still quite different from the way he treated his past lovers. He didn’t want to assume things but it started around the time they met Hyeri. Jaejin assured him that it wasn’t because of that, he just wanted to be more serious on his last year of college so he had no time to date. Wonwoo wasn’t fully convinced but having Jaejin around was comforting so he stopped questioning his fiancée.

Besides, they would get married soon, anyway. He needed to get used to that idea. He had always treated Jaejin as his best friend and to be honest, it was so hard to see him as anything past that but if he wanted to be happy, he should start learning how to love Jaejin more than a friend.

With those thoughts in mind, he went to look for his fiancée. It was not an easy task with almost everyone from his batch being there in the house but he knew he could spot that mop of brown hair anywhere. Wonwoo navigated his way to the kitchen, dodging the other drunk students trying to get him to join their session.

It wasn’t Jaejin that he found beside the refrigerator though.

“Is that you, Wonwoo?” Hyeri caught him before he could even turn around to escape.

Of all people, why did she have to be there? Her university was at least four hours away so it was puzzling to find her in the area. “Kang Hyeri, what a surprise. Aren’t you supposed to be far away from here?” He had a hard time trying to keep the sarcasm at bay.

She laughed, sickeningly sweet. “We just got back in town this evening. This is my cousin’s house and he invited us to come.”

He nodded at her reply until he froze when his mind had finally processed what she said. He placed down his beer on the table before his shaking hands could drop it. If his ears weren’t playing with him, he was sure that he heard her say “we.” She came here with someone and it was not hard to guess who it was. He had to get away from there.

“I was just grabbing some drinks, why don’t you join—”

“No, I can’t.” He quickly turned her down.

Her smile was gone as she furrowed her perfect eyebrows. “Why? Do you have to be somewhere?”

“I was looking for Jaejin. I need to find him. We were just about to leave.”

“But Jaejin’s with us upstairs. Come on, we can go—”

He shook his head no. “I-I have to go get something.”

Wonwoo almost stumbled on his way out of the kitchen. He couldn’t run away fast enough with all the sweaty bodies around the house. He could hear Hyeri calling him but he was going to be a jerk this time and ignore her. He knew that he had already promised himself that he would stop getting affected by her but he could never stop that instinct to run away from his problems.

He eventually found his way outside and he was only a few steps away from the streets. He could just walk home alone and explain to Jaejin tomorrow. But, well, fate always had a way to screw with him.

Just when he decided to move on and start anew with Jaejin, of course, the first person that Wonwoo happened to see outside was none other than Kim Mingyu. Even with his back turned and the insufficient lighting, Wonwoo was sure that it was him. Why did he have such bad luck? The guy hadn’t seen him yet, so it would be easy to slip out without Mingyu even knowing he was there. But his feet wouldn’t listen to his brain so he continued to stand there, staring at the broad back that he used to embrace. He wanted to call him so badly, to tell him that he was there but having Mingyu stand there before him after a long time apart was overwhelming.

Mingyu suddenly raised his hand to his face and Wonwoo saw a cloud of smoke surround him. He realized that Mingyu was smoking and to say that he was shocked was an understatement.

“You smoke now?” He blurted out of the blue, startling the other guy.

Mingyu faced him with a scowl, then his eyes widened a bit when he recognized Wonwoo. They were three feet apart from each other, stuck in an odd standstill with their eyes not breaking the connection. Wonwoo never learned how to read those onyx eyes that shined under the moonlight. He was entranced, nonetheless, his chest constricting with longing and regret.

“What’s it to you?” Mingyu uttered in a cold tone. He dropped his cigarette on the ground and stomped on it with his foot.

“I just never thought you were the type.” _You’re like a whole different person right now. You seem to be so out of my reach_.

Mingyu looked like he was about to leave and Wonwoo, despite trying to escape earlier so he could avoid this certain guy, wanted Mingyu to stay there with him. “I never thought I’d see you around here.” He quickly said.

“I’m just here for Hyeri.” Mingyu’s reply was much faster.

“I know, I met her inside.” He toed on the ground, stressing his mind over what to talk about to keep Mingyu there. “How long are you guys going to stay here?”

The taller guy eyed him warily, perhaps trying to guess what Wonwoo was onto. “A few days.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. Jaejin was planning to visit the beach next week with some friends. Maybe you guys could join us.”

“I refuse to.” Mingyu didn’t even think about it.

“Oh, come on.” It was almost pitiful how he desperately tried to keep things lighthearted between them. “I’m sure you could extend for a few—"

“What are you doing?” Mingyu cut him off with contempt dripping from his tone.

“Huh?” He blinked, quite confused. “I was just asking—”

Mingyu took one stop towards him, looking down at Wonwoo with a frown. “What gave you the impression that we’re okay?”

He swallowed nervously and dropped his gaze to his feet. “I just wanted to have normal conversation with you. We hadn’t seen each other for so long.”

Mingyu scoffed at him. “You really like messing with me, huh, Wonwoo?”

“It’s not like that.” He strongly denied. “Can’t we just treat each other civilly?”

“Like you didn’t screw me over a few years ago?” The other guy’s voice was low, almost devoid of any emotion but Wonwoo vaguely sensed pain in there. “You used me. I bared myself to you and you played me for a fool. Now, you want me to just get over it and act like it never happened?”

There was a tightness in his throat that made it harder for him to speak. It was too late to explain. “I’m.. I’m so sorry. I really am.” He knew that his apology wouldn’t cut it but it was the only thing he could say.

Mingyu didn’t say anything immediately so he slowly raised his head to see the other’s reaction. Wonwoo wasn’t expecting forgiveness—he wasn’t that stupid—but he wasn’t prepared to see the disappointment in Mingyu’s eyes. The latter looked like he had a lot of things that he wanted to say to Wonwoo, but those words never came.

“Hyeri’s probably looking for me now.” This was what he settled for instead.

Wonwoo smiled brokenly. “You should go.”

Mingyu was soon gone in front of him, already on his way inside. Wonwoo quickly turned around and asked the question with an answer that he never wanted to hear.

“Do you love her?”

The taller guy stopped on his tracks. The world seemed to stop for Wonwoo as he waited with bated breath. The noise from the party inside turned mute. There were just the two of them. Mingyu didn’t bother to face him when he replied.

“I do.”

Wonwoo could feel the cracks of his heart inside him. It was already a hopeless case. “I see.”

There was nothing more left to say.

 

***

 

Wonwoo never liked the smell of hospitals. His nose wasn’t sensitive; he just didn’t like the memories that came with the strong chemical smell. He sat there at the lobby, looking so out of place. There were a few other people behind him, also waiting while the evening news played on the television screen mounted to the wall. He didn’t have an appointment and he also wasn’t a guardian so he had no choice but to wait there.

Mingyu and Hyeri had been gone for half an hour now. He still didn’t get why his husband was assigned as the pregnant woman’s guardian when she had a husband of her own. He wasn’t able to interrogate them in the car on their way there because Hyeri started having painful contractions. It was probably the tangible tension between him and Mingyu that stressed her out. He remembered Mingyu saying before that she had a delicate pregnancy. He kind of felt guilty so he wasn’t complaining with his situation right now. He was just worried for Hyeri and her unborn child.

The weatherman on the news was reminding him to wear thicker clothes due to the temperature dropping for the next few days when Mingyu came back. Wonwoo was quick to stand up before his husband even reached him.

“How is she?” He asked, genuinely concerned.

“She’s going into labor now.” Mingyu massaged his forehead. He looked really tired. “You should go home. I’ll stay with her here.”

He was affronted. “What? No, I’ll wait with you.”

The other man sighed exasperatedly. “Stop being so difficult. I have no time for this. This is none of your business.”

Here he was, trying to be a supportive husband and friend, and yet Mingyu was treating him like he was just there on a whim. He wanted to get angry but this was really not a good time for a fight. He willed himself to stay calm. “I’m Hyeri’s friend, too, okay? And I’m really worried about her. Even though I can’t understand why you have to be the one to take care of her. Where’s her husband? Did you call him?”

Mingyu looked around them, he followed and noticed that everyone else in the lobby was watching them. The taller man suddenly grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him towards the end of the corridor, beside the vending machine. “That man would never answer my call. He doesn’t even deserve to be here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hyeri caught him cheating a few months back. She didn’t want to risk her child’s life with the stress so she moved out and hid from him. I’m just helping her. She doesn’t have anyone else.” Mingyu was usually indifferent with the world around him, but when it came to Hyeri, Wonwoo could clearly see the emotions on his face. It always made him jealous, even right now.

“What about her family?”

Mingyu’s face became grim. “Her parents turned their backs on her when she broke off our engagement because of the pregnancy. They were really disappointed in her.”

“But she’s their daughter, and that’s their grandchild.” Wonwoo balled his fists. “Heck, you were the one she cheated on with another man but here you are.”

“It wasn’t her fault.” His husband’s voice was firm.

“I’m not saying that. I just can’t understand how you can still do all of this for her when she—”

“I think you should go home now.”

Okay, now he was furious. “Can you please stop pushing me away?!”

Mingyu huffed in disbelief. “That’s rich coming from you. Isn’t this what you wanted? You were the one who told me all that crap during Christmas. Why are you even here, anyway?”

“I needed to talk to you about something.” It didn’t seem like the right time to bring it up but he wouldn’t be able to rest now that he remembered his original intention to be there. “Hyeri told me that you’re not allowed to visit your father anymore. And apparently it started when you agreed to marry me. How come I didn’t know about this? No one told me this was part of the contract.”

Mingyu didn’t lose his composure when Wonwoo told him what he knew. Either he already heard Hyeri telling Wonwoo earlier, or he was an expert in controlling his emotions. The latter seemed more likely. “You shouldn’t concern yourself over that.”

“How could I not?!” Wonwoo had raised his voice. “Tell me the truth, Mingyu. Are there other things in this marriage that I should know of?”

“This is not a good time, Wonwoo.” His husband snapped at him.

“There is never a good time for us.” He spat bitterly. “We always end up like this and I’m so tired of it. I just want the truth.” He suddenly grabbed the front of Mingyu’s shirt, clutching it tight like he could shake the truth out of him.

Mingyu looked torn, keeping his lips shut in a thin line. He brought his hands up and wrapped them around both of Wonwoo’s and the latter realized that he was shaking. Mingyu’s hands were much bigger than his own and his husband easily removed his grasp. Their hands dropped together but Mingyu was still holding his. Wonwoo tipped his head up to meet the taller man’s gaze, his eyes full of questions.

“If I tell you, I’d have to let you go.” Mingyu whispered softly.

Wonwoo’s heart skipped a beat but before he could say anything back, Mingyu already pulled his hands away from him. “Hyeri needs me right now. You should just go home.”

“I don’t understand you.” Wonwoo’s voice quavered with frustration. “You said that but you’re also asking me to go away. Do you really not want me here?” He demanded.

“I already have too much on my plate right now.” The other guy explained. “Please don’t make this any harder.”

Mingyu knew that Wonwoo wouldn’t stop asking questions until he caved in. And that wasn’t what Mingyu needed at the time. He got selfish for a moment and forgot that Hyeri was struggling with no one beside her. His emotions got the better of him.

“I’ll go.” He finally relented.

“Thank you.” His husband uttered quietly. He passed by Wonwoo and went back to the doctor’s office.

Wonwoo made his way out of the hospital in a daze. He had more questions now than when he first got there and he felt helpless. It seemed like no matter what happened to him, Hyeri would still be Mingyu’s first priority. Mingyu didn’t even want to deal with him.

The evening air was cold but Wonwoo was too tired to feel anything.

 

***

 

“So, you’re saying that your husband is in the hospital right now to support his ex-fiancée who is giving birth to a baby that isn’t his?” Junhui summarized after Wonwoo recounted the events of his day.

“Yep, that’s basically it.” He drawled before downing the remaining whiskey on his glass. The liquor still made him grimace to the last drop but that was exactly what he wanted.

“And you’re here drowning yourself in misery.” His friend pointed out before pouring Wonwoo another glass from behind the counter.

“No, I am here to check on you and your new business.” Junhui opened his bar last week and it was Wonwoo’s first time visiting. It wasn’t on his plans for that day but it was on his way from the hospital. He was too drained to drag himself home so he decided to stop by.

“You mean so you could get free drinks.” Junhui deadpanned.

Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “I’m paying, don’t worry.”

“Nah, it’s on the house.” The other male smiled good-naturedly. “You had one hell of a day. You deserve that drink.”

“Yeah.” He examined his drink closely like he was fascinated by it, but his mind was still somewhere else. “You think I should’ve stayed there?”

“Well,” Junhui began. “I don’t think you would be of much help in there, to be honest. You might just start fighting with Mingyu again. It really wasn’t a good time.”

Wonwoo sighed heavily. He already knew that.

His friend continued. “But I also don’t think it’s right that he keeps on prioritizing Hyeri over you. I mean, I get it, she’s going through labor and she needs someone but Mingyu is married now. To you. He should have at least promised you to talk things out once this is over.”

“I don’t even think it would just end here.” He complained. “I’m sure Mingyu would have that moral obligation to take care of her and the baby. He would never be able to leave Hyeri alone.”

“I think you should just tell Mingyu how you feel, Wonwoo. He shouldn’t keep on hurting you like this.” Junhui despondently said. “You two should really stop keeping things from each other. I don’t even know what those secrets are but I do know it’s doing more damage to your relationship.”

Wonwoo stared at his friend funny then tittered, feeling quite lightheaded. “Look at me, being scolded by the great Wen Junhui. My life’s one giant mess now, huh?”

It was Junhui’s turn to roll his eyes. “You’re really useless to talk to when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not yet drunk.” He giggled with a sound that wasn’t like the sober him. The laugh didn’t reach his eyes. “I know you’re right but just like always, it’s easier said than done.”

Wonwoo felt the other’s eyes on him and he could sense the pity in them so he just trained his gaze on the melting ice on his drink. More people started coming inside the bar and Junhui needed to attend to them so he left Wonwoo there for awhile. He was fine with it; he didn’t feel like talking anymore. He must have fallen asleep after some time because he was startled by the vibration of his phone from his pocket. With bleary eyes, he raised his head from the counter and fished the gadget out.

Well, he was still probably dreaming because it was Mingyu who texted him, asking if he got home safely. His husband had never done that ever since they got married so he just dropped his phone on the counter and closed his eyes again. He was feeling too dizzy to even think.

It didn’t feel like he had been asleep long enough when he soon felt someone shaking his shoulder. He could vaguely hear Junhui telling him to wake up but he just swatted the other away with his hand. His friend knew that he had a terrible day so he should just leave Wonwoo be.

“I’ll take care of him.” Wonwoo felt chills when he heard that deep voice.

“You better. It’s your fault he’s like this.” Junhui said. Wait, where was he again?

With a heavy head, he craned his neck up to look at the two men in front of him. “What are you two doing here?”

Junhui sighed in exasperation. “Your husband’s here to take you home. Now, go.”

“What? Am I not home yet?” He rubbed his eyes to clear his vision. He heard Junhui mumbling how wasted he was.

When he opened his eyes again, Mingyu was already at his side, gently grabbing his arm to help him stand up. He was silent as he wrapped an arm around Wonwoo’s waist to support him as they walked out. Wonwoo wasn’t really that drunk. He was just sleepy and tired and his husband’s warmth beside him just made him want to succumb to sleep again. Without much thought, he rested his head on Mingyu’s shoulder and breathed in his scent.

“You smell good.” He murmured into the skin of Mingyu’s neck. “You always do.”

Mingyu didn’t reply but Wonwoo felt the arm around his waist tightening its hold on him. He felt secure being so close to Mingyu like this but it was starting to ignite a fire inside him. He swallowed thickly, trying to keep his hormones in check.

He felt much relief when they were finally beside Mingyu’s car. It would be embarrassing if Mingyu noticed how Wonwoo was easily affected by the former’s touch and proximity. His spouse helped him settle in the passenger’s seat, strapping Wonwoo’s seatbelt for him and Wonwoo held his breath when he did so. His head was starting to clear and the dizziness was now tolerable but he was nervous about Mingyu’s effect on him now.

Mingyu was still silent when he sat on the driver’s seat and started speeding away. The streetlights adorned the road in flashes in front of them. There were a few cars in sight and he reckoned that it must be midnight already. He suddenly realized something and his head snapped to the side to look at Mingyu.

“Why are you here? What about Hyeri?” He fretted.

“She’s fine. Her parents arrived after you left.” Mingyu calmly answered. “She’s still in labor, but the doctor said the baby will come soon.”

Wonwoo blinked a few times. “Oh, that’s good news.” He fidgeted with his fingers, hesitating to ask Mingyu another question. “How did you know I was at Jun’s?”

His husband took a careful turn in the intersection before responding. “I sent you a text to ask if you’re already home but it was Junhui who replied. He told me you were there and couldn’t make it home alone.”

“I thought that was a dream.” He murmured, more to himself. He couldn’t stop staring at Mingyu even though the latter’s eyes were concentrated on the road. Warmth started to bloom inside his chest upon knowing that Mingyu left the hospital just to take him home.

“Why didn’t you go straight home?” Mingyu sounded pissed. “What if Junhui didn’t see my text?”

“I’m sure Jun wouldn’t have left me alone. He’d take care of me.”

Mingyu grumbled under his breath. He didn’t catch it clearly so he asked, “What?”

His husband didn’t repeat it, but instead he inquired, “Why did you get drunk again? I thought you swore off alcohol for awhile.”

Wonwoo’s eye twitched. The way Mingyu asked the question, like Wonwoo was an uncontrollable alcoholic, annoyed him. “I had two glasses. Just two. I’m not as wasted as you think I am.” He crossed his arms and faced in front again. “I was tired. I wanted to loosen up.”

“You could have had a few glasses at home. There’s no need—”

“And what? Sit there in loneliness while you were with another woman?” He wanted to throw that out lightly, but it came out with more spite than he intended.

It took Mingyu a few seconds before he replied. “I thought we’ve talked about this already.”

“I know, Mingyu. I know.” Wonwoo buried his face on his hands, feeling frustrated that his insecurities were starting to invade his system again. “I know that Hyeri needed you more. I know that you couldn’t just leave her alone. I understand that. And yet, I couldn’t help feeling how unfair it was that she got you right there with her. I hate how selfish I am for wanting you beside me even after hurting you so many times.”

The vehicle suddenly skidded to a stop by the side of the road. He was startled and took his hands from his face to see what happened. Mingyu’s gaze was still on the road in front of them but his knuckles were strained from gripping the steering wheel too tight.

“I don’t get you.” Mingyu suddenly spoke in the silence. “What do you want from me, Wonwoo? What exactly do you want?” He turned to Wonwoo with a conflicted expression on his face.

Wonwoo wasn’t sure what to say. “W-what do you mean?”

“You push me away and lead me into thinking that you don’t want to be in this marriage and yet you say things like that. Are you doing this for Jaejin? So that you can—”

“Stop saying that! This isn’t about Jaejin!” Wonwoo didn’t stop himself from crying out. “You’re asking me what I want? It’s you, Mingyu. You’re the only one I want.” Wonwoo had finally admitted. His eyes let go of the tears that he was trying to hold back. Maybe he was really drunk because he didn’t want to lose control of his emotions like this.

He harshly wiped the tears on his cheeks, until Mingyu’s hands stopped him from moving. Wonwoo looked at him with bleary eyes and his chest constricted at the soft gaze his husband was giving him. No one said a word as Mingyu’s hand wrapped on his own. They both seemed to hold their breaths as they continued staring at each other.

Wonwoo wasn’t sure what took over him. He gulped down once and then instinctively clicked his seatbelt off. He just lunged forward towards Mingyu and captured the other’s lips with his mouth. He felt Mingyu going still against him but Wonwoo continued pressing his lips insistently, steadying himself with one hand on Mingyu’s thigh. He licked the other male’s bottom lip just as Mingyu’s hand came up to Wonwoo’s nape, pulling him closer as he opened his mouth to respond to Wonwoo’s kiss.

Their lips were on a frenzy as they continued to devour each other in a rough kiss, swallowing the other’s moans and hands that roamed all over. Wonwoo was half-sitting on Mingyu’s lap and on that cramped space Mingyu was still able to slip a hand under his shirt, feeling for his skin, making Wonwoo jolt away from the sudden contact. The action made their lips disconnect, causing Mingyu to chase his lips but instead found Wonwoo’s neck. Wonwoo gripped Mingyu’s shoulders harder as his neck got all the attention. He bit his lips to keep himself from mewling.

They were both running out of breath and the temperature inside was making them sweat but the fire in their eyes was far from gone. A silent agreement was made and Wonwoo pulled away reluctantly to go back to his seat. Mingyu quickly started the car again and started speeding towards their place.

Wonwoo could almost taste the tension in the air and he tried so hard to keep his hands away from his husband. Nothing could abate the hunger he was feeling but he didn’t want them to get into an accident so he tucked his hands on his lap.

It was probably the longest and most agonizing ride ever because they couldn’t arrive at home fast enough. However, when the car was finally parked, there was a stillness inside like they both weren’t sure enough how to go from there. The sudden realization of making the first move earlier mortified Wonwoo so he got out of the vehicle first.

He couldn’t open the front door fast enough, his hands shaking as he repeatedly typed in the passcode. The door opened just as he heard Mingyu’s footsteps closing in on him. He went in and was about to run upstairs when the other male suddenly grabbed his hand to stop him.

With a gasp, he spun on his heel and his knees became weak as he saw the desire burning on Mingyu’s dark eyes. “Are you running away?” The taller man whispered, his voice deep and inviting.

Wonwoo swallowed thickly. “I-I wasn’t.”

Mingyu raised an eyebrow at him, looking quite amused with a smirk. “Good.”

His husband was the first to dive in this time and Wonwoo almost fell backwards by the force of it. He closed his eyes from the fear of falling but Mingyu easily steadied him with a hand on his back, the other on Wonwoo’s cheek. The latter was disoriented for a moment but Mingyu’s leg placing itself in between Wonwoo’s thighs pulled him back to the current situation. He wrapped his arms around Mingyu’s neck to close the space between them. Mingyu licked his way into the other’s mouth, getting Wonwoo heady with desire. He found himself getting squeezed between the wall on his back and Mingyu’s chest pressing closely against his.

Mingyu pinned one of his wrists to the wall, while his other hand went to Mingyu’s pants, scratching roughly on the fabric as he unsuccessfully tried to undo the other’s belt. He could feel Mingyu’s smirk against his lips and he wanted to bite the smugness out of it but Mingyu was already pulling away. Wonwoo wasn’t even embarrassed when he whined due to the loss but his teasing husband just chuckled.

Mingyu took hold of his hand again and half-dragged him upstairs to the master’s bedroom, the one that Mingyu occupied. When Wonwoo caught sight of the bed, he suddenly froze. The weight of what they were about to do was creeping on him and he wasn’t sure if it was right. They still had issues that they have yet to settle, were they going to be alright?

He didn’t have time to ponder on it too much because Mingyu’s hands were suddenly on his waist and he pulled Wonwoo against him. Instead of his mouth, Mingyu went straight to his jaw and nipped at the skin. The feeling of Mingyu’s lips on his skin made him forget his worries and he buried them deep as his husband’s hands and kisses started going further down.

Wonwoo laid himself on the bed, Mingyu hovering above him as he unbuttoned Wonwoo’s shirt. They were both blinded with lust and frantic hands that just couldn’t seem to stop. Mingyu probably noticed his uncertainty so he stopped with his ministrations, gazing down at Wonwoo with questions in his eyes.

_Stop thinking_. Wonwoo chided himself before pulling Mingyu’s head down, slotting their mouths together in an open-mouthed kiss.

 

***

 

Wonwoo was already wide awake at four in the morning. He was tired and sore, but he didn’t get much sleep after what happened between him and Mingyu a few hours ago. His husband slept soundly beside him, his quiet snores almost lulling Wonwoo to sleep if it wasn’t for Wonwoo’s hyperactive brain. Wonwoo didn’t regret what they did; he loved this man for twenty years so of course he also dreamed of this. But things still weren’t clear between them and he was afraid that he just complicated things further by sleeping with his husband.

He could stare at Mingyu’s face forever and watch him sleep, not unlike a creep, but he needed to go and sort out his own problems first. He loved having Mingyu close to him so it took him a lot of effort to carefully remove Mingyu’s arm that was wrapped around his waist without waking up the other. With quiet steps he picked up his clothes from the floor, chest feeling heavier as he put a distance between him and his sleeping husband.

“I’ll be back.” He whispered in the silence. With one last look at Mingyu’s face, he turned away from the door and got out of the house.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wasn't really smut content so i just tagged it as 'mild smut' up there. though i'm not saying if this is the last. *eyes emoji*
> 
> svt's comeback on the 21st!!
> 
> thank you guys so much for all the love and support! please bear with me and the kinda slow updates because i'm also busy with work but i'll still try to keep this in schedule. love you all :)


	7. acaronar.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> acaronar  
> \- (v.) to tenderly, lovingly pull someone closer

Ever since he was a kid, the Kims held dinner parties at their home so often that Wonwoo already lost count. Usually, there was no occasion. He thought that Jaejin’s parents just really liked parties; as he got older, however, he realized that the Kims just really wanted to flaunt their wealth.

 

The Jeons were also quite well-off, thanks to the hard work of Wonwoo’s ancestors. They were what the society called as ‘old money’—their family name already established in the upper-class. Wonwoo didn’t have much of an idea how much they were worth but he was sure that the Kims were already on a whole other league from them.

 

This was probably one of the reasons why his parents and the whole household were frantic since that morning. It was a day after his high school graduation and his parents had invited the Kims to their home for a celebratory dinner. It was the first time in years that they had a party held there and even if the Kims were basically part of the family already, his parents probably didn’t want to lose face.

 

Wonwoo was panicking for a different reason though. Aside from his graduation, it had also been a day since that moment with Mingyu in the empty classroom. He couldn’t stop the blood from rushing to his cheeks whenever he thought of his first kiss with Mingyu. They didn’t have a chance to talk about it after because Jaejin had already found them. Thankfully, they heard his fiancée’s footsteps so they got to break away from each other in time. Jaejin didn’t suspect a thing and just assumed that their disheveled state was due to the running and hiding.

 

Jaejin was supportive of Wonwoo’s feelings for Mingyu but Wonwoo still didn’t know how to tell his best friend. Or if he should even tell him. Wonwoo was sure that Mingyu felt the same way for him and they were probably dating already, but he wasn’t certain if Mingyu wanted to let Jaejin know. He planned to talk about it with Mingyu that evening since Jaejin had confirmed that his cousin would be coming, too. That made him a little at ease because Mingyu’s phone was unreachable all day. He got worried that something happened but maybe things were fine and Mingyu just slept through the day like he usually did sometimes.

 

He really found it unnecessary to dress up in suits when they were just going to dine in the house. Also, there were only ten of them that would be eating so Wonwoo was perplexed to see that the food prepared could already serve at least fifty people. His family was really going all out for the Kims.

 

“Don’t tell me your parents also invited the prime minister?” Seokmin, his cousin, gasped exaggeratedly. “Are we also going to have a marching band or something?”

 

Wonwoo just rolled his eyes at him. They retreated to Wonwoo’s room for the meantime since they were only in the way of everyone else downstairs. He was glad that his aunt and uncle also came with Seokmin because, truth be told, Jaejin’s parents were a little suffocating. Having his cousin there already brightened up his mood and the atmosphere later at dinner wouldn’t be too formal and awkward. “We’re the ones who are usually invited at Jaejin’s so I think my parents just wanted to impress them, too.”

 

“I don’t see the point.” Seokmin mused as he plopped himself down on Wonwoo’s bed. “I mean, it’s already been established that they will be your future in-laws so what are they worrying about? That the Kims would break off the engagement?”

 

“I wish.” He muttered wistfully, but his cousin still heard it and sent him a smirk. “How happy I would be when Madame Kim finds the steak unappetizing and decides that I am not suited anymore for his son.”

 

That made Seokmin cackle. “That’s too far-fetched. You have the best cook in this town.” He raised a brow as he realized something. “You still call Jaejin’s mom ‘Madame’? Not mom or auntie or even just ‘Mrs. Kim’?”

 

“She never gave me permission to. Besides, everyone calls her that aside from her son and her husband. I don’t think she’ll let anyone address her anything else.” In a lower tone, he added, “Even Jaejin slips and calls her that sometimes. I don’t think she even wants to be called ‘mom.’ She even told Mingyu not to call her aunt or anything like that.”

 

“Mingyu’s still not accepted in that family, huh?” Seokmin supposed. Wonwoo just made a grim face. “How’s it going between you two, by the way?”

 

Wonwoo bit his tongue down to stop himself from exposing his secret. He wanted to talk to Mingyu first before he told anyone about yesterday. “Things are the same, I guess.” He hoped that he sounded nonchalant.

 

“The same, huh?” His cousin narrowed his eyes at Wonwoo suspiciously. “But it seems like there’s something different about you. You’re glowing. Did you two already have sex?”

 

“ _What the fuck_?” Wonwoo spluttered, obviously scandalized. Seokmin always had a strong gut feeling but he was way too far off this time. They only had their first kiss yesterday and he wasn’t even sure what their relationship were now.

 

His cousin looked at him like he was a prude. “What? It’s normal to have your cherry popped during high school. So, I take it that you’re the bo—”

 

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence.” Wonwoo cut him off before Seokmin could discuss his sex life, or rather, the lack of it. “Let’s just go downstairs. Mom wants me to be there to welcome the Kims.” He was about to open the door when his phone vibrated from his pocket. His heart almost leapt out when he saw that it was a text from Mingyu.

 

_Could we talk later after dinner?_  

 

“Sounds like a booty call.” Wonwoo didn’t notice that Seokmin was peeking on his phone from behind him. He shoved his cousin’s face away with his palm and he might have broken Seokmin’s perfect nose. He hoped he did.

 

Jaejin was just pulling up the driveway when they came down. Ever since he got his driver’s license, he was the one in charge of driving whenever he’s around. _That show-off_. Wonwoo didn’t get to witness his driving skills much because Jaejin was already in uni.

 

He welcomed Jaejin and his parents with a huge smile on his face, accepting their congratulations except for his best friend who was still sulky because Wonwoo who still managed to escape yesterday after he was caught with Mingyu.

Wonwoo tried not to be too obvious but he was glancing behind Jaejin, looking for someone. He was sure that Mingyu was coming but he didn’t see him come out of the car with the others.

 

“He’s coming, don’t worry.” No matter how hard he tried to be subtle, of course, Jaejin always knew what he was thinking. Especially when it came to Mingyu. “He asked to be dropped by somewhere first, said he forgot something.”

 

Wonwoo raised his brows in question. Jaejin just chuckled. “He probably bought something for you. Oh! Which reminds me..” He took out something from his pocket and Wonwoo frowned when he saw a rectangular velvet box. He gestured for Wonwoo to take it. “Congratulations on graduating, Won.”

 

“I said no gifts.” He grumbled but still took the box. He opened it and sitting in place was a silver bracelet. Upon closer inspection, six numbers were engraved at the plate. It was his birthday. Jaejin could be annoying, but Wonwoo couldn’t deny that he was really thoughtful. He gave his best friend a soft smile. “Thanks, Jae.”

 

Jaejin insisted to be the one to place it on Wonwoo so he just let him be. They laughed at how loose it was around Wonwoo’s thin wrist that it could reach his elbow if Wonwoo raised his hand. They were still at the entrance hallway but they didn’t hear the front door opening. Wonwoo only noticed when Mingyu closed the door, seemingly with force.

 

“Mingyu.” He uttered, a little out of breath from laughing. He quickly retracted his wrist from Jaejin’s hold. He didn’t know why but he felt the need to conceal his arms behind his back, as if he was caught doing something he shouldn’t have. It was ridiculous because he didn’t really have to hide anything.

 

“That was fast.” Jaejin commented, addressing his cousin. He then asked in a teasing tone, “Did you buy something?”

 

Mingyu was staring wordlessly at the both of them but Jaejin’s question pulled him back to reality. There was a flush on Mingyu’s cheeks that Wonwoo rarely ever saw. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “My watch was broken. I dropped it on the store for fixing.”

 

His best friend nodded slowly, a smirk creeping up on his lips. “If you say so.” Mingyu directed a murderous glare towards his cousin and it made Wonwoo crack up in laughter again. Seokmin interrupted them with his boisterous voice, telling them that dinner was about to start.

 

They were in their usual seats in the long table, Jaejin and Seokmin flanking Wonwoo on both sides while Mingyu was across him. They had a toast for Wonwoo (though it was only the legal adults who had the wine) and he was totally embarrassed by his father’s speech but he was grateful all the same.

 

He was about to remind everyone that Mingyu was just graduated, too, but the latter immediately caught his gaze and subtly shook his head no. Wonwoo balled his fists and pressed them hard against his lap, frustrated that he couldn’t do anything to change how Mingyu’s family treated him. He knew that Mingyu was only able to come to the party because of Jaejin. His best friend was the only person in that house that sided with Mingyu.

 

They were halfway through their meals, the adults and the teens having each of their own conversations. Jaejin regaled them with latest stories from his university life and it never failed to make them laugh. Even Mingyu couldn’t hold his chuckles at Jaejin’s humiliating tragedy during a recent frat party.

 

Seokmin was doing a dramatic reenactment of how he was dumped by the senior he had been crushing on when he was cut off by the sound of a spoon clinking against the wine glass. It was Jaejin’s mother, looking like she had something important to say. Everyone immediately stopped talking and turned their attention to the woman.

 

“Wonwoo’s graduation is not the only thing that we’re celebrating tonight.” She began once everyone’s attention was focused on her. “We have been planning this since months ago, and I think everything’s already settled.” Her eyes landed on Wonwoo, who instantly felt nervous, before moving on to her son. There was a pleasant smile on her face but it just seemed eerie to Wonwoo.

 

“Two weeks from now, we’re going to officially announce Jaejin and Wonwoo’s engagement.” Wonwoo seemed to stop breathing when he heard those words. “There’s going to be grand party, of course. Since you two are going to the same university and will be living together, I think everyone needs to know that you two are already set to be married.” Her smile now turned to a full grin, her hands joining together in front of her on the table with such delight. She looked like a villain in the movies whose plans were finally reaching fruition. Everyone in the room had known about the engagement since forever but they still seemed to be too shocked to react.

 

Wonwoo felt Jaejin tense up beside him. “Mom,” He spoke with an uncertain tone. “Isn’t this too soon?”

 

“Nonsense. It’s about time, don’t you think? Wonwoo will also be a legal adult in a few months.” She turned her gaze again on Wonwoo and he froze under her scrutiny. “You don’t mind, of course, dear?”

 

He didn’t know what to say. His voice won’t come out and he couldn’t move. He was too caught up with graduation and university applications (and Mingyu) in the previous months that it slipped from his mind that once he graduated from high school, his official engagement to Jaejin would be next. But at that moment, he couldn’t care less about what he felt about this. His gaze crossed the table and searched for those onyx eyes.

 

But Mingyu was already looking at him, wearing an unreadable expression that made Wonwoo shrink on his seat. He knew that they were waiting for him to respond to Jaejin’s mother but he couldn’t bring himself up to say anything so he just slowly shook his head, hoping that his shaky smile wouldn’t give anything away.

 

“Perfect!” Madame Kim exclaimed. “It isn’t like this is a surprise. My, you two have known this since you were kids. We’re just making it official so we could soon plan the wedding.”

 

_The wedding_. He just graduated high school. How could she plan that so soon? Wonwoo felt the food he just had for dinner coming up his throat. He was nauseous. He wanted to get out of there. He didn’t care if he was being rude. He abruptly stood up from his chair, causing it to screech against the marble floor and steal the attention of the people in the room. Without looking at anyone, he stormed out of the dining room.

 

Wonwoo rushed to the bathroom and went straight to the toilet to force his guts out. But all that came out were his tears that broke like a dam. He sat there on the tiled floor, his body shaking uncontrollably. He was trapped—all these years he acted like he was fine with it but he was not. It didn’t matter if it was Jaejin or even if it was Mingyu, the man he loved. He didn’t want to be caged like this, to have everything planned out for him before he could even know for himself what he really wanted.

 

There came two knocks at the door. “Wonwoo?” Jaejin’s soft voice was muffled.

 

He didn’t answer, or rather, he couldn’t speak a word due to his silent sobs. But Jaejin was a persistent one and Wonwoo forgot to lock the door so he heard it swung open behind him. He didn’t turn around, but he closed his eyes as a pathetic attempt to stop the waterworks.

 

Wonwoo felt a hand rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. He was thinking of a snarky response to make him sound tough despite the sobbing but he wasn’t expecting to hear a deep voice that totally wasn’t his best friend’s.

 

“It’s okay. Let it all out.” Through tear-soaked eyes, he turned his body towards Mingyu who was crouched down beside him.

 

“M-Mingyu?” He managed to croak out.

 

Mingyu smiled softly. “Jaejin just went with me so the adults won’t get suspicious. He’s at your room.”

 

Wonwoo threw his arms around Mingyu unceremoniously. The tremors in his body were now gone and his tears were on their last streaks. Mingyu enclosed him in a warm embrace and Wonwoo felt his heart slowing down to its normal pace. Mingyu’s sandalwood scent was calming, making him feel safe and secure.

 

He didn’t know how much time passed, but he guessed that it was probably a long time already judging from his aching limbs due to their uncomfortable sitting position. Mingyu didn’t seem to mind as he continued to rock Wonwoo back and forth, humming an unfamiliar tune that he might have heard Jaejin sing once. He planned to talk with Mingyu after dinner about their relationship, but it seemed like there was no need for it now. With their hearts thumping wildly as they huddled close, their feelings already came across.

 

“Do you want to go somewhere with me?” Mingyu whispered out of the blue.

 

“Hmm?” He didn’t bother to answer in full words with his face still buried on Mingyu’s neck.

 

“Just the two of us. Let’s go somewhere tomorrow.”

 

Wonwoo didn’t need to think about it. “Okay.” He mumbled against Mingyu’s skin. He didn’t have to look up to know that Mingyu had that sweet smile on his face.

 

 

***

 

 

When Mingyu had asked him that night, Wonwoo thought that they were just going to some place in the city. They would stay out late into the night but he would still be going home after. So it was a surprise when Jaejin barged into his room at five in the morning and started packing a couple of clothes that were enough for an overnight trip.

 

“What the hell are you doing, Kim Jaejin?” Wonwoo grunted irritably. His head was aching from crying too much the previous night. His eyes were also hot and throbbing and he didn’t need to look in the mirror to know that they were swollen.

 

“Get up and take a bath, Sleeping Beauty. You’re going on an out-of-town trip with your Prince Phillip.” Jaejin was already zipping up one of Wonwoo’s backpacks.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He was now sitting atop his bed. His body was still too tired and he didn’t really want to move.

 

Jaejin just sighed and stood in front of Wonwoo with both hands on his waist. “You need to start moving now if you don’t want us to be caught by your parents. Mingyu said you two will be going somewhere today and I’m going to drive you two up to the bus terminal. I’m helping you two elope.”

 

“ _What?!_ ” He exclaimed a little too loud, making his best friend cover his mouth.

 

“Sshh! I was just kidding. It’s just for the weekend, okay? You need a breather. I’ll cover for you two. Make it sound like there’s three of us on the trip.”

 

He was still feeling lost and disoriented but he just nodded. Jaejin finally removed his hand from his mouth and pulled Wonwoo up. “Take a shower. Mingyu’s waiting in the car.”

 

Twenty minutes later, Wonwoo was fresh and ready. His clothes and stuff were thrown haphazardly inside his bag when he checked but he couldn’t complain because his parents would be waking up soon. He still hadn’t explained himself for his behavior last night. Jaejin just made an excuse that his stomach got upset.

 

Mingyu had his head down in the passenger’s seat. He was probably snoozing to catch a few more minutes of sleep. Wonwoo went straight to the back seat. Mingyu stirred awake when Jaejin started the engine.

 

“Good morning.” Wonwoo crooned.

 

Mingyu was startled by his voice, judging by the jump of his shoulders. He looked back with slightly wide eyes before they turned into a gentle gaze. “Hey. You guys took so long.”

 

“I had to drag Wonwoo out of bed.” Jaejin complained as he drove out to the street. Wonwoo prayed that his parents didn’t wake up from the noise.

 

“Where are we going exactly?” He remembered to ask. He just let Jaejin pack his clothes for him but he wasn’t sure if they were appropriate for wherever they were going. He could sense his best friend grinning even though he couldn’t really see it.

 

“Somewhere far away from here.” Mingyu answered. “You’ll see.”

 

The usual Wonwoo would be restless not knowing where they were heading but he trusted Mingyu with his life so he didn’t ask more questions. Anywhere was okay as long as he could get away from the life that always held him back, even just for awhile.

 

Before he could even notice, they were already at the bus terminal. All the buses there lead to the towns outside the city. Mingyu was buying tickets for them while Wonwoo carried their bags as he said goodbye to Jaejin.

 

“Don’t think too much about the engagement, okay?” Jaejin sighed. “I’ll try to talk to my parents. I promised you before.”

 

“Thank you.” Was all that he could say. He gathered his best friend into a hug and stayed like that for awhile. “I kinda don’t want to but we’ll be back soon.” It was cold outside in the early morning and Jaejin’s warmth felt nice so he was reluctant to pull away. “Hey, Jae. Did Mingyu tell you? About.. us?”

 

“Not really. But I kinda figured it out the other day. Those swollen lips and disheveled hair didn’t really hide anything, you know?” Jaejin grinned cheekily at the blush that peppered Wonwoo’s cheeks. On a more serious tone, he said. “I’m happy for you two. I just wish I wasn’t the one in the way.”

 

“Don’t say that, Jae. This isn’t your fault.”

 

“I know.” Jaejin ruffled his hair. “I know you’ll take care of each other, but still, be careful and have fun. But not too much fun.” He winked suggestively at Wonwoo which made the latter give him a disgusted snort.

 

“We need to board the bus now.” Mingyu was suddenly at their side with two tickets on his hand.

 

Jaejin was still waving them goodbye as the bus left the terminal. The vehicle wasn’t full packed but they sat near the back. He just noticed that they were almost wearing matching hoodies, with varying shades of pale blue that looked pretty much alike. He was sure that Jaejin planned this as he dressed up Wonwoo.

 

His head was leaning against the window, almost going back to sleep when he noticed that Mingyu’s arm rested between them with his palm open. He tried to hold back his laughter as he placed his hand atop it and rolled his eyes when the hand enveloped his. He sneaked a glance at Mingyu who had his eyes closed.

 

“You could have just took my hand, you know. What if I didn’t take the hint?” He teased.

 

“Oh, shut up.” Mingyu muttered under his breath. Wonwoo wasn’t able to hold back his laughter anymore. His head abandoned the window and turned it to the other side, finding its place on the Mingyu’s shoulder instead. Soon, Mingyu’s soft breathing lulled him to sleep as well.

 

Wonwoo woke up hours later and the scenery from his window indicated that they were far away from the city. The vast expanse of farmlands and mountains with snowy peaks greeted Wonwoo and he was awed by everything he was seeing.

 

“Never seen a farm before, city boy?” Wonwoo was startled by Mingyu’s deep voice beside him. He didn’t know that he was also awake.

 

He narrowed his eyes at the other, mildly offended. “We barely go on vacations and if we do, it’s just usually on beach resorts.” He noticed that his hand that was joined with Mingyu’s was now sweaty despite the low temperature inside the bus. He tried to pull it away but Mingyu just tugged it closer to his side.

 

Mingyu just hummed in amusement. Outside the window, they just passed the welcome sign of the town and the taller guy straightened up on his seat. “We’re almost there.”

 

They passed a few more streets before they alighted at the bus stop in front of a small grocery store. The place was rather quiet with a few people on the streets even though it was almost noon already. With their bags on their backs, Mingyu led the way through the street. He still wasn’t letting go of Wonwoo’s hand but the latter didn’t really mind.

 

When he read the destination on their tickets, Wonwoo instantly knew that this was Mingyu’s hometown. Even if he didn’t know the name of the place, he would figure it out eventually judging by how Mingyu seemed to look like he belonged there. The sun-kissed boy was usually cool and indifferent with most things, but right now he radiated a bright kind of energy and his excitement was contagious.

 

It was quite a sight to see—Mingyu being held back more than a few times while on their way because of all the people recognizing and greeting him. He was smiling a lot more than all those years in the city combined. Wonwoo guessed that this was a small town because everyone seemed to know everybody in the area. Even Wonwoo who was there for the first time was warmly welcomed and so he got of the reasons why Mingyu treasured this place so much.

 

When they got to the residential area, Wonwoo thought that the first house they visited was Mingyu’s home. A couple who were probably on their mid-50s came out and were on the brink of tears as they hugged Mingyu. Wonwoo recognized them as Mr. and Mrs. Song, Mingyu’s neighbors who helped his grandmother in raising him when he went back to live there before.

 

“It’s so great to see you again, dear.” Mrs. Song said fondly, pulling away from the hug to see how much Mingyu had grown. Her eyes soon drifted to Wonwoo who was standing awkwardly at the side. “And who might this young man be?”

 

“Auntie, Uncle, this is Wonwoo.” Mingyu seemed to be abashed as he introduced him.

 

The couple’s eyes lit up upon hearing his name. Wonwoo was confused at the knowing smiles now gracing their faces. “So, this is Wonwoo.” Mr. Song was addressing him but he was looking at Mingyu with a teasing grin.

 

“Mingyu always talked about you before. There was never a day when—”

 

Wonwoo jolted when Mingyu suddenly draped an arm over his shoulders. “Okay, Auntie. We’re going to take our leave now.”

 

The elder woman laughed. “Are you being shy, Mingyu? Oh, don’t leave yet. Come have lunch with us first.”

 

“You kids must be hungry from the journey.” Mr. Song was already ushering them inside their humble abode. They weren’t really planning on refusing. They didn’t get to eat anything since they left the city so they were reminded of their hunger when they heard the word ‘lunch.’

 

It was the first time in years that Wonwoo sat on the floor to eat but he wasn’t complaining. Mrs. Song apologized that she didn’t get to prepare enough since she didn’t know they were coming but Wonwoo didn’t mind. He kept on asking for seconds because even though they were just simple dishes, the food was really _that_ good. Or perhaps it was the cozy and warm atmosphere that made their lunch one of the best meals he ever had in his life.

 

Wonwoo was entertained by their stories about Mingyu’s childhood. It was like seeing another side of Mingyu that he never got to witness before. The said boy seemed much more free there. His actions were always restricted when he was living with the Kims. Mingyu was almost whining in between mouthfuls of food due to his embarrassing adventures as a child, but the couple didn’t pay attention to him.

 

They spent another hour there before Mingyu almost dragged him out of the place so that they could finally visit his house. The Songs told them to come back for dinner later but Mingyu told them they already had plans. Wonwoo wasn’t sure if Mingyu just made that up so that the elder couple couldn’t expose any more of his past or if he really had planned something for them.

 

Mingyu’s house was right next to the Songs, looking almost identical except that Mingyu’s childhood home obviously looked like it hadn’t been lived in for years. “Sorry for the state of the place. Uncle said he cleans the place a few times in a month but it’s really hard to maintain if no one’s living in it.”

 

The taller guy opened the metal gate, its red paint mostly faded, and it made a creaky sound as it swung. The grass in the small front yard looked unkempt, perhaps Mr. Song got tired cutting it. Wonwoo just followed Mingyu closely behind. He was fascinated, imagining a much younger Mingyu coming home like this after school in the afternoon.

 

Mingyu took out a key from his bag to unlock the front door. Cold air hit them as they stepped inside. He shivered visibly. He knew that the electricity was cut off when Mingyu moved to the city so he wondered if they were going to sleep there tonight. It was already spring but the wind at night was still too cold without a heater.

 

“Don’t worry, we won’t be staying here tonight.” Mingyu suddenly said, answering Wonwoo’s unspoken concern. “I’m just going to get a few stuff.”

 

Wonwoo was busy looking at the picture hanging on the walls in the living room so he wasn’t able to notice immediately that Mingyu had stopped in front of him. He almost bumped into Mingyu’s chest; good thing the taller guy halted him by taking hold of his shoulders. “You seem too quiet since we got here. Are you alright?”

 

Concern was written all over Mingyu’s face and Wonwoo wanted to wipe off that crease on his forehead. “Of course I am. I’m just taking it all in. I’m actually imagining a little boy walking around this place, with his favorite card games or a basketball which he brought home after practice.”

 

That planted a warm smile on the sun-kissed boy’s face. “You really took notes of everything Auntie told you, huh?”

 

“You rarely talked about your life here, you know.” He pouted. “It made me realize that I didn’t know half of those things about you.”

 

Mingyu brought his face closer to his and watched his face. “Are you sulking?” Wonwoo averted his gaze. Such proximity still made his heart race. “You don’t have to be. You already know me quite well.” He was petty so he still didn’t meet Mingyu’s eyes. “Hey, come on.”

 

Wonwoo’s face was suddenly caged in between Mingyu’s large hands but his gaze was still stubbornly trained on the ceiling. Mingyu chuckled. “Alright. I’ll answer all of your questions later. I’ll tell you all about my life here until you grow sick of it. Satisfied?”

 

“Fair enough.” He finally gave in and rewarded his eyes with the beautiful face in front of him. “I don’t think I’ll ever be sick of you though.” He said as an afterthought.

 

Something sparked in Mingyu’s eyes but he didn’t get to think much about it because Mingyu’s lips dropped a quick smooch on his nose. “You’re too adorable.”

 

Wonwoo blinked in rapid succession due to his surprise. That seemed to stir Mingyu even more because the latter brought their faces closer again and joined their lips for a kiss. The first time was just two days ago but it already felt too long. Mingyu’s lips were careful as they caressed Wonwoo’s slightly chapped ones, slowly molding them together as their heads tilted for a better angle. His eyes were already closed in a second and it made him hyperaware of Mingyu’s hands with one that settled on his nape and the other on his waist to tug him closer.

 

They were still both new to this and there was that reluctance to explore, afraid that the other wouldn’t like it. But Wonwoo was melting and he could never get enough of Mingyu. With sudden courage, he tentatively licked the loose seam of Mingyu’s lips. That caused a reaction from the latter, his hand gripping tighter on Wonwoo’s hip. Perhaps that was too bold for him because he didn’t expect that abrupt shift on the other male’s actions. Mingyu kissed him with more force, coaxing Wonwoo to open his mouth more and so he did.

 

Mingyu licked the roof of his mouth before tangling it with his own. He further braved himself and started sucking on Mingyu’s tongue. The sensation elicited a moan from Mingyu that stirred the warmth pooling on his gut. Wonwoo tugged at the other’s shirt to bring him closer even though there was not even an air of space between them anymore. Mingyu was much stronger than him so he was being pushed back, uneven steps towards the wall but the back of his knees collided first with the sofa.

 

He wasn’t able to brace himself so his body detached from the taller guy. He ungracefully fell on the sofa with a yelp, disturbing the dust that covered the furniture. Wonwoo started coughing while Mingyu had his own bout of sneezes. Their eyes found each other before they erupted into laughter. What started as a hot makeout session became a ridiculous situation.

 

“Why didn’t you grab me?” He pretended to be angry, but his chuckles in between weren’t helping.

 

“I’m sorry.” Mingyu didn’t look like he really was, still laughing while wiping the moisture in his eyes. “I was too distracted.”

 

Wonwoo just snorted and got up from the sofa. He suddenly remembered the reason they were there. “I thought you’re going to get a few stuff.”

 

“Oh, yeah. It’s your fault for distracting me.”

 

“Hey, you were the one who kissed me first.”

 

“Because you’re too cute.” Mingyu squeezed his cheeks. “I’ll be back.”

 

Wonwoo replied with a nod. He watched Mingyu walk to the back of the house before he turned his attention again to the pictures. He verbally cooed at Mingyu’s baby pictures that were displayed. Most of them were from the time before they met, basing on how small Mingyu was in there. There were a few more people in the frames: an elderly woman with smiling eyes who was surely Mingyu’s grandmother, a man with tan skin and an identical nose with Mingyu—that was probably his father, and a beautiful woman that shared the same deep onyx eyes as the sun-kissed boy. Wonwoo only saw her once on a family picture that Jaejin sneaked out from the storage room, but he could clearly see the difference between that photo and the pictures on Mingyu’s home. She looked so much happier in these photos.

 

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” He was too engrossed on his thoughts that he didn’t sense Mingyu coming back.

 

“You have the same eyes.” Wonwoo remarked. Mingyu didn’t say anything back. They just stood there quietly.

 

“You never told me how she died.” Wonwoo said carefully. He had always been afraid to tread on this matter, but he longed to know. He wanted to share everything with Mingyu—the love, the laughter, the pain.

 

No words came out of the boy beside him. Wonwoo was scared that Mingyu still wasn’t ready and he tackled it too soon. But he knew Mingyu. If the latter didn’t want to talk about it, he would’ve said so immediately and left. But Mingyu was still there, no sinking feeling on his chest so he patiently waited.

 

“When I was five, we found out that my mother had breast cancer.” Mingyu began in a calm tone. “It was too fast. One day she looked healthy and well, the next she was already lying in bed. I didn’t understand it too much back then. I was too young. I was just too sad and heartbroken to see my mother like that. She mostly stayed at the hospital. I could only visit her in the morning because children were not allowed after visiting hours. I always missed her.”

 

Wonwoo was silent the whole time. He just listened closely and relived Mingyu’s memories on his mind like they were his own. It was hard to imagine the cheerful woman on the photo being sickly and frail.

 

Mingyu’s voice lowered as he continued. “I found out years later that during the time my mother got sick, my father had no choice but to contact her family. The Kims.” Wonwoo didn’t miss the bitterness on the tone. “The treatment was too expensive for us to shoulder so I understood why my father had to lower his pride. They paid for her hospital fees, the treatment and everything. My mother seemed to be better and the doctors said there was a chance that she would survive. But she didn’t.”

 

"I just got home from school that day. My grandmother was crying hard and I immediately knew why. I didn’t want to believe it. It wasn’t even the cancer that killed her.” There was a pause that made Wonwoo look at Mingyu. The anguish on his face was so apparent that it also made his heart squeeze in pain. “She was overdosed with the wrong pills. No one knew how that happened when she was being monitored closely in the hospital. My father was always there with her.”

 

“Things didn’t stop there. As soon as the funeral was over, the police were waiting here at our house. They arrested my father for allegedly killing my mother. They blamed him for what happened and even came up with evidence that my father had planned that all along so he can have my mother’s money while I was still a minor.” Mingyu’s hands balled into fists, his jaw clenching in anger. “It was pure bullshit. My father never cared for that wealth. I could never forget the look on that hag’s face as she watched my father being taken away. On that moment, I knew it was all planned. They were the ones who killed my mother.”

 

“That.. hag?” Wonwoo asked in a whisper.

 

“Jaejin’s mom.”

 

His hands started to tremble—in fear or anger or frustration, he wasn’t sure. Wonwoo didn’t know what was the truth but he always had that uneasy feeling towards the woman. He believed that Mingyu’s father didn’t kill his wife but he couldn’t make up his own accusations even though that woman killing her own sister wouldn’t be beyond her.

 

He felt so helpless not being able to do anything for Mingyu. All he could do was to be there for him, wrapping his arms around the taller boy’s waist. He hugged him tightly in hopes that he could take away even just a bit of his pain. Mingyu reciprocated with the same intensity while burying his face on the side of Wonwoo’s neck. “I’m so sorry, Mingyu. I’m so sorry.” His voice came out broken. He was already crying.

 

“Will you always stay with me?” Mingyu’s question made him realize what Mingyu was scared of the most.

 

“I will. I will never leave you. I’ll always be here for you.”

 

Little did he know that it was one of the many promises that he wouldn’t be able to keep.

 

 

***

 

 

Just outside town, deep inside the woods, Mingyu’s father built a quaint country cottage by the lake. It was there where they spent the rest of the afternoon after the tears dried and the heaviness was gone. The sun was high up in the sky but the tall trees only permitted a little sunlight to shine through. They spread out a picnic blanket with the green grass underneath outside the cottage. The wind was cool against their skin as Wonwoo sat back against the tree with Mingyu’s head resting on his lap.

 

“Did you stay in contact with them?” Wonwoo asked, referring to Mingyu’s friends there when he was a kid. He ran his hands through Mingyu’s hair with his fingers combing the dark strands.

 

“No. I tried to avoid everything that would make me miss this place. I also didn’t have a phone back then.” Mingyu replied. True to his words, Mingyu answered every question that Wonwoo had regarding his life there. They talked about everything and nothing in their own little world. The weather was great, the lake was serene and they had the place all to themselves.

 

“Were you popular as a kid? In school?” He tried to sound nonchalant even though he was dying of curiosity.

 

Mingyu’s thick eyebrows furrowed as he recalled his memories. “I don’t think so. I don’t even think there was a social hierarchy. Our school was small.”

 

He hummed thoughtfully. “Is that so?”

 

Mingyu eyed him suspiciously. “Why are you curious about that? Are you actually asking if I received a lot of confessions during middle school?”

 

“No, of course not!” He vehemently denied. Well, wasn’t he obvious.

 

Mingyu sat up abruptly to laugh out loud. “You could just ask me directly if I have an ex here.”

 

“I’m not interested in that.” He continued to lie through his teeth.

 

The other smirked at him, letting him know that he could see through Wonwoo. The latter just rolled his eyes. Mingyu let out another chuckle before sighing. “I didn’t have time for that.”

 

Wonwoo looked at him inquiringly. The golden boy was gazing at him with such fondness that made him weak in the knees. “How could I even look at other people when I missed you every single day?”

 

He was quite taken aback with that remark that his jaw just dropped and his blood rushed to his cheeks. “W-what?” He sputtered like a fool. “Stop saying things like that!” He was so flustered that he couldn’t look at Mingyu for too long. This guy knew how to play his cards well.

 

“But it’s the truth.” Mingyu insisted. “Don’t you believe me?”

 

“I do.” He mumbled.

 

Mingyu grinned cheekily and scooted closer to him. He grabbed his bag that was lying on the ground and rummaged for something inside. Wonwoo thought that Mingyu was taking out more food since they had already consumed everything in the basket that the Songs packed for them. He was surprised when a square blue box was pulled out of the bag. His brows furrowed in confusion.

 

“I was supposed to give this to you after dinner last night.” Mingyu handed it to him. “Congratulations on graduating, Wonwoo.”

 

“But I didn’t get to buy you anything.” Wonwoo whined. “This is unfair.”

 

“Hey, it’s alright.” The other reassured him. “Just open it.”

 

It was probably the one that Mingyu stopped for last night before going to the dinner. He was still feeling guilty that he wasn’t able to pick out a graduation gift for Mingyu but he opened the box nonetheless. Inside was a silver watch. It gleamed prettily against the sunlight as he gingerly took it out. “This is beautiful.” He wore it around his left wrist and unlike the bracelet that Jaejin gave him, it was a perfect fit.

 

“Do you like it?” Mingyu sounded unsure of himself.

 

Wonwoo beamed at him. “A lot. Thank you so much, Mingyu.” He pressed a kiss against Mingyu’s lips. The contact was brief but it bloomed matching smiles on their faces.

 

“I still feel bad that I didn’t get you anything. I’ll look for something when we get back.”

 

“There’s no need for that.” Mingyu dismissed with a wave.

 

“I won’t be able to sleep for a year if I don’t give you a gift as well.” He exaggerated.

 

It was Mingyu’s turn to roll his eyes. “So dramatic.” He sighed. “Well, if you really want to make it even, I have something in mind.”

 

Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at him. “What are you planning?”

 

Mingyu’s line of vision was now on the lake in front of them. “Have you ever swam in a lake before?”

 

“You’re joking.” He huffed. “The water will be freezing!”

 

“Oh, come on. A little cold won’t hurt. It’s been so long since I got to swim here.” The other persuaded.

 

“You came here during summer. Spring just barely started, do you want us to freeze to death?”

 

“Again, so dramatic. And a coward.” Mingyu was quick to stand up and started to remove his clothes. His jaw dropped again when Mingyu got rid of his hoodie and the shirt underneath, down to his pants and shoes. He was relieved that Mingyu left his boxers alone. “Quit staring and start stripping.”

 

His cheeks were flushed yet again. “Have you no shame?”

 

Mingyu just smirked at him. “Good luck not being able to sleep for a year. This is the only thing I ask, you know.” Barefooted, Mingyu ran towards the water and jumped in with a splash. Wonwoo quickly stood up to see if the guilt tripper had drowned. It was only a few seconds before Mingyu’s head emerged from the water.

 

“It’s not that cold, I swear!” He shouted from the waters.

 

Wonwoo cursed under his breath. “The things I do for you, really.” He started to strip down to his underwear. Mingyu was watching him with anticipation as he walked closer to the water. He glared at the other before finally plunging in.

 

 

***

 

 

“It’s not that cold, you said. But my fingers almost got frozen and fell off!” Wonwoo still managed to complain despite the violent chattering of his teeth.

 

They were now inside the cottage after that quick dip in the lake. Wonwoo was right; the water could freeze them to death. He wrapped the towel more securely around his frame as he sat on the floor. Good thing they cleaned the room when they arrived earlier.

 

It was already twilight and the last rays of light were slowly leaving the woods. Mingyu was crouched in front of the fireplace, lighting it up for the night. They only had one towel which was currently with Wonwoo so he was still shirtless.

 

“It wasn’t that bad. We lasted for about ten minutes.” Mingyu noted.

 

“Because you won’t let me get away.” He shivered upon remembering the feeling of the water on his bare skin. The fire was already starting to crackle and Wonwoo couldn’t wait to be bathed in warmth.

 

Mingyu turned around. “Hey.”

 

“What?”

 

“Come here.” Mingyu opened his arms, beckoning Wonwoo to come closer to the him.

 

So he wasn’t prepared for this. He was too distracted by the cold earlier that he didn’t get to appreciate Mingyu’s half-naked body on display in front of him. It wasn’t the first time that he saw Mingyu with no shirt on but considering his feelings and how they were all alone in that secluded place, his thoughts started to run wild. Wonwoo gulped down audibly.

 

“Are you being shy right now?” Mingyu began to tease.

 

“O-of course not.” Damn, he stuttered.

 

Mingyu had that smug look on his face again. He knew his effect on Wonwoo well. Hesitantly, he padded over to Mingyu’s space but even before he could settle himself Mingyu took hold of his arm and pulled him against his chest.

 

They sat in silence in front of the fireplace for awhile. Wonwoo hugged his knees close to his chest, his weight leaning on the side where Mingyu was slumped lazily against him. Mingyu’s arms were loosely joined around him with his hands in between Wonwoo’s tummy and thighs. His chin was tucked comfortably on Wonwoo’s shoulder. Skin to skin, Wonwoo already forgot what the water in the lake felt like.

 

“Thank you for bringing me here.” Wonwoo suddenly spoke. “This was probably the happiest I’ve been in awhile.”

 

“I’ve always wanted to go back here with you.” The other murmured. “I wanted to show you how my life was in here.”

 

“This town really feels like home. I wish we never have to go back.”

 

“Then, let’s not.” Mingyu’s soft lips came in contact with his bare shoulder and he had to fight that provoking shiver on his spine.

 

“If only we could do that.” He managed to utter even though he was slowly getting distracted by the butterfly kisses that Mingyu was dropping on his skin. Instinctively, he bared his neck for Mingyu to have more access. He closed his eyes as the flutter of Mingyu’s lips turned to hard presses. Wonwoo turned his body to face Mingyu and the latter quickly attached his lips to Wonwoo’s neck to suck on the skin. The taller had no shirt on so there was nothing that he could hold on to, so his hands found their way to Mingyu’s hair. He tugged hard at the strands when Mingyu licked a stripe on the way to his throat.

 

Wonwoo’s mind was a mess with Mingyu’s hands all over his skin so he couldn’t remember how he ended up sitting on Mingyu’s lap, his legs hooked by his ankles around Mingyu’s body. Their lips had found each other again, sharing open-mouthed kisses, teeth clashing, tongues tangling. The warmth from the fireplace couldn’t even compare to the heat that Wonwoo was feeling all over his body. He groaned out loud when Mingyu suddenly pulled away, but he mewled as the other started nipping on his jaw, making his way to Wonwoo’s ear to nibble on the lobe.

 

It was all too much at once and Wonwoo was squirming, his movements causing their lower regions to brush against each other. The sensation caused Mingyu to moan softly on his ear and Wonwoo bit his lips to restrain himself. He wanted more, so much more but he wasn’t sure if they were both ready for it. Mingyu seemed to sense his hesitation because his actions had slowed down, settling for light kisses on Wonwoo’s jaw.

 

“We should cool down.” Mingyu was right but his husky voice wasn’t really helping the situation. With a ton of effort and self-restraint, Wonwoo nodded and forced himself to move away from Mingyu’s lap.

 

He wasn’t able to go far though because Mingyu tugged him closer again and made them lie down on the blanket they had spread out on the floor. They were still both breathing heavily as they settled for a cuddle. Wonwoo pressed his back against Mingyu’s broad chest, the latter’s arm rested comfortably on Wonwoo’s stomach.

 

It was completely dark outside and the only source of light was the fireplace. They were still awake; it was probably too early for sleep but Wonwoo could feel the weight on his eyelids. He was absentmindedly playing with Mingyu’s fingers on his tummy when he suddenly spoke.

 

“Don’t marry Jaejin.”

 

Wonwoo’s breath hitched. He didn’t want to be reminded of that. “Mingyu..”

 

“Don’t go to the engagement party. Don’t go to Jaejin. Be with me.”

 

_It’s not that easy_. He wanted to voice out but Mingyu already knew that. “You know that’s the only thing that I want.” He settled for those words instead.

 

“Then promise me. Promise me that you won’t give yourself up to this engagement. That you’ll stay with me.”

 

Wonwoo was weak when in came to Mingyu. He knew that things were going to be tough and they would never be able to be together like this when they go back. But still, he replied, “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh longest chapter to date! sorry if this took so long, i got busy with a lot of stuff. this was supposed to be a lot longer but I decided to save the next part for another chapter. hopefully, I could finish the next one soon!
> 
> You Made My Dawn era is such a blessing, don’t you think? breaking our records here and there, and soooo much minwon moments i cry everyday huhu
> 
> as always, thanks so much for all the love and support! this chapter was pretty self-indulgent so let me know what you think haha


	8. magoa.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> magoa  
> \- (n.) a heartbreaking feeling that leaves long-lasting traces

The sky was still dark when the cab pulled up in front of the university Wonwoo was teaching at. His legs were still tired but he forced them to do their job of walking to get him to places. He left his car there yesterday and he needed it today to get to his destination. Classes were over for that semester and it was still an ungodly hour in the morning but the drowsy security guard didn’t ask him any questions when he entered the gates.

 

He easily found his car with it being the only one left in the parking area. Upon getting inside, he loudly exhaled and closed his eyes for a moment. He hoped that he wasn’t too tired to drive for hours today. He barely had any sleep, no food on his stomach for more than twelve hours but his heart was strangely at ease.

 

He reached for his messenger bag at the back seat and pulled out something that he kept close to him for the past ten years. After that awful engagement party, Wonwoo had stopped wearing the watch that Mingyu gave to him during their high school graduation. It was the only thing from Mingyu that he could keep so he didn’t have the courage to hide it somewhere else. He changed the batteries every few years, never letting it to stop working.

 

Wonwoo pressed his lips against the crystal before securing it around his left wrist. He didn’t need to hide it anymore. He had already decided that he would fix his relationship with Mingyu, finally fight for the love that he tried to give up before. Hyeri said that Mingyu sacrificed a lot of things for him and Wonwoo had no idea what other things Mingyu gave up to be with him but he would bring it all back.

 

After a three-hour drive on unfamiliar roads, Wonwoo breathed a sigh of relief when he finally saw the penal institution. He was scared hours ago that he would lose his way even if he used GPS to get there. From a distance, the place looked eerie. When he was finally in front of the facility, it was menacing. It was the first time that he was at the place—no, scratch that—it was the first time that he would ever be stepping in jail.

 

The guards at the place thoroughly inspected his car before they finally let him in. Visiting hours just started and there were already a few people lining up to get in, maybe because it was a weekend. There was a body inspection at the entrance and all things that could be used as weapons were taken away. He was reluctant about it but his phone was also taken from him.

 

After the security measures, he proceeded to one of the booths to log in his identity. When he gave the name of the person that he was visiting, he noticed how the officer’s eyes lingered on his face for a moment before logging something into the computer. He had no idea what the standard processing time was for identity check but he had a feeling it was taking longer than necessary. After a few more minutes, he was finally given a pass.

 

Maybe he didn’t think this through very well, he thought as he stared at the paper pass on his hand. He never thought this was how he was going to meet his husband’s father for the very first time. But he had no time to be scared and nervous. He had a lot of things to say and questions to be asked. With determined steps, he stepped inside the visiting area.

 

 

***

 

That short yet wonderful trip to Mingyu’s hometown felt like a dream to Wonwoo. And he knew it was time to wake up when he saw the familiar roads going back to the city. They were now on the bus with half an hour left before they face their problems again. If Mingyu wasn’t busy playing with Wonwoo’s fingers, Wonwoo would have thought that the taller one was asleep with his head nestling comfortably on Wonwoo’s shoulder.

 

He thought about all the things that they talked about yesterday, uncovering more of Mingyu’s past and the future they dreamed together. If only Mingyu belonged to another family or Wonwoo wasn’t engaged to Mingyu’s cousin, would they be happier? Would they even know each other?

 

“Are you overthinking again?” Mingyu suddenly spoke up. It amazed Wonwoo how Mingyu could tell when he was too deep in thought.

 

“Yeah.” He admitted. “But it’s all good.”

 

“We’re going to make it work. We’ll find a way.”

 

He smiled when he felt Mingyu’s soft lips pressing on the back of his hand. It was so easy for Mingyu to ease his worries. “Mingyu?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Did you ever visit your father?”

 

There was a pause. “Yeah, I used to.”

 

“Used to?”

 

Mingyu’s hold tightened on his hand. “The last time was three years ago. Just before I went back to the city.”

 

“Why didn’t you visit again?” Wonwoo asked softly.

 

“They never allowed me to. Even if I tried, I’m blacklisted.”

 

“What?”

 

“I told you, that hag would never let me be happy. As long as I’m living under their roof, I would never be able to live as I want to. That’s why once I turn legal in a month, I’ll be moving out.”

 

Wonwoo’s eyes widened upon hearing that. He abruptly moved his body away, causing Mingyu’s head to lose its place on Wonwoo’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, why did—”

 

“And when were you planning on telling me this?” He squinted his eyes at the other boy. He was offended that Mingyu didn’t bother sharing this with him yesterday.

 

“I wasn’t planning on keeping this as a secret from you. I wanted us to be together first.” Mingyu’s eyes suddenly turned serious. “Let’s move in together.”

 

Wonwoo almost choked on air. “ _What?_ ” He sputtered. “Aren’t you going a bit too fast?”

 

His reaction got Mingyu chuckling. “What I mean is, let’s rent an apartment together in college. Once your engagement with Jaejin is off, you won’t have to move in with him anymore.”

 

“I haven’t even talked to my parents yet. We don’t know how this will turn out.” Wonwoo’s voice was full of uncertainty.

 

“I’ll go with you. Let’s talk to them together.”

 

He weakly shook his head. “No, I have to talk to them alone first. My parents adore you but I think they won’t like it if I tell them that I’m breaking off the engagement because of you. You know you’re not the only reason so I have to establish that first before I tell them about us.”

 

Mingyu nodded slowly, taking in his words. “Are you going to be fine?”

 

“Yes. I’ll ask Jaejin later if he has talked to his parents already. There’s a higher chance that he’ll be able to convince his parents than mine.”

 

The other male didn’t say anything for awhile. His gaze turned to the window beside him. “Are you sure about that?”

 

“That Jaejin could convince his parents?”

 

“That he would even talk to them about it.” Mingyu’s voice was devoid of any emotion but it made Wonwoo feel uneasy.

 

“Don’t you trust Jaejin?” He asked, confused. “Why wouldn’t he?”

 

“Never mind.” Mingyu’s face turned to him again. “I’ll drop you off first at your place before I go home.”

 

Wonwoo searched Mingyu’s face for any reason why he would think that about Jaejin. But his face was a closed book with a fond smile plastered on it that Wonwoo knew was meant to distract him.

 

“Okay.” He didn’t want to fight with Mingyu about it so he didn’t press any further. Maybe it really was nothing.

 

They got off at the bus stop that wasn’t necessarily close to Wonwoo’s house. They didn’t want to raise any suspicion that they were the only ones who went on the trip without Jaejin. His fiancée was supposed to pick them up at the bus terminal but something important came up at the university. They didn’t mind but Wonwoo suddenly left without telling his parents. Surely they would be mad but he at least hoped that having their favorite almost-son-in-law with him would make them less mad.

 

They walked at a leisurely pace, taking their time before they go on separate ways. Their hands were hanging loosely on their sides, their knuckles almost brushing. Wonwoo knew that they both badly wanted to hold each other’s hands again but they couldn’t risk it. For now, Mingyu’s presence on his side was enough.

 

They halted at the corner just before Wonwoo’s street. Mingyu surveyed their surroundings before taking both of Wonwoo’s hands and pulling him in. It was a huge risk; there, in broad daylight, Mingyu’s face descending to his, joining their lips for a brief kiss. He didn’t even have the time to close his eyes for the taller guy was already standing to his full height again.

 

“Call me immediately once you talk to them, okay? Let me know how it goes.” Mingyu requested.

 

He nodded. “I hope they won’t give you any trouble for sneaking out.”

 

The other male snorted. “I don’t think they would even notice that I was gone.”

 

Wonwoo just smiled sadly. “We’re going to be fine, right?”

 

“We will be.” Mingyu wrapped him in a hug before he let Wonwoo walk to his house. He had already turned the corner but he knew that Mingyu was still watching him go. He sneaked a glance behind him and subtly waved him off.

 

It was quiet in the house once Wonwoo was inside. Perhaps his parents and the rest of the household were out. It was a letdown because he hoped that he would be able to talk to his parents as soon as he arrived. He decided to take a shower first because they were in a hurry to catch the bus back home that they skipped one step of proper hygiene.

 

Wonwoo thought that he was all alone in the house so he got scared for a second when he heard movement downstairs after showering. He dressed up first before going to see who it was. He was still drying his hair with a towel as he descended the stairs. He saw a familiar figure on the kitchen, arranging plates in the cabinet.

 

“Hey, mom. I’m back.” He announced himself.

 

His mother turned around slowly. There was no surprise in her eyes. “Wonwoo.”

 

“I’m sorry for going away without telling you.” He decided that apologizing first for his actions was the best course of action. “And for my behavior last dinner. I wasn’t really feeling well.”

 

The elder woman nodded sagely before seating herself on one of the chairs. “Jaejin told us.” She clasped her hands together atop the table and looked up at her son. “Why don’t you take a seat first, Wonwoo?”

 

Wonwoo got nervous all of a sudden. There was something on his mother’s tone that made him anxious. He was supposed to be the one that was going to initiate the talk, but why was he suddenly cornered? He took the seat opposite the woman. “Is there a problem?”

 

“You were with Mingyu on the trip. Isn’t that right?”

 

“Yes, he was with us—”

 

“It was only the two of you. Jaejin wasn’t there.” There was no question on his mother’s words. She was looking into Wonwoo’s eyes like she knew exactly what happened.

 

His instinct was to lie and act like he didn’t know what she was talking about but his mother knew him too well. He wouldn’t be able to deceive her even if he was the world’s greatest actor. “How did you find out?”

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

He was greatly confused. “Then, why does it matter if I went to that trip with only the two of us? It’s not like Mingyu’s a stranger to us.”

 

“I know how you feel about him, Wonwoo. I have known for awhile. I know what’s going on between the two of you.” Her mother spoke softly. She didn’t sound like she was scolding him. It was weird because his mother looked.. sad. “You need to stop this.”

 

“If you have already known this, mom, then you should also know that I cannot do that. I can’t leave him. I don’t want to let Mingyu go.” He stated firmly, trying to keep his emotions in check.

 

She reached for his hands from across the table and held them tight with her own. “You’re engaged to Jaejin. He’s the one you should be with.”

 

“I don’t love him, mom. I can’t marry him. Believe me, I tried to. I tried so hard but Mingyu’s the only one I want to be with. Please, please understand.” He was relieved that his mother was holding his hands because if she weren’t, they would be trembling now. “I’ll break off the engagement. I don’t want to be a part of this, I never did. I’ll tell the Kims—”

 

“You can’t do that!” Wonwoo was taken aback when his mother suddenly raised her voice. There was panic in her eyes. “You can’t break off the engagement, Wonwoo. It’s not for you to decide.”

 

A nerve pulsed in his temple when he heard those words. Wonwoo retracted his hands abruptly. He was furious now. “I’m the one who’s getting married! It’s my life that’s on the line here! Why don’t I get to decide?!”

 

“Please, son. You have to understand.” It was the first time for Wonwoo to see his mother losing her composure. She buried her face on her hands, seemingly not wanting to face her son right now.

 

“I’ve lived my whole life tied to this obligation even before I knew how to decide for myself. Now I know that I don’t want this.” This was getting harder for Wonwoo. He didn’t want to fight with his mother like this but he needed to prove his resolve. “Do you want me to be miserable?”

 

“It’s not like that, Wonwoo.” He could see the tears falling down her mother’s cheeks. She dropped her hands down, her face too sorrowful for him to bear. “I don’t want you to be the one to pay for our debts but we have no other choice. We can’t escape this.”

 

What she said didn’t make any sense to him. “What.. what do you mean? What are you talking about, mom?”

 

The elder woman took a deep breath, the sound vibrating from her chest. “We.. we don’t own anything to our name anymore, Wonwoo. We have been struggling for years ever since you were a little kid. The Kims.. Jaejin’s parents.. they have been the ones helping our family for a long time now. We owe them a lot of money. If not for them, we would already be in the slums right now.”

 

Wonwoo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He huffed incredulously. “So I’m the payment? I’m the other side of the exchange? Are you serious? You’re seriously telling me that? Why, for the life of me, would the Kims even want you to marry me off to their son? Why would they spend so much on us just for me?”

 

He could see how hard it was for his mother to tell him these things. “That agreement between your late grandmother and the head of the Kim’s family. There is a contract, Wonwoo. It’s legal and binding. You’re the first grandson so you have to be the one. And whoever marries you will be the heir of the Kims.”

 

“In other words, I was already sold off to the Kims. Just to make sure that Jaejin would be the sole heir of that family.” Now everything made sense. His freedom was already bought and taken away from him even before he was born.

 

An idea suddenly came to him. “What if I would marry Mingyu instead? Would that make him the heir?”

 

“No, you absolutely cannot do that.” She firmly replied.

 

“Why can’t I? Mingyu could be an heir, too. He is a Kim.”

 

“If you love that boy, you wouldn’t do that to him.” Her tone turned doleful. “Did you know what happened to his father?” He nodded hesitantly. “Then you already know what they can do to Mingyu. If they find out that he would get in the way of Jaejin inheriting everything, they would destroy his life like how they did to his father. Don’t do that to him.”

 

Wonwoo’s lips trembled in fear. He didn’t want to be the reason for Mingyu’s demise. “They are already making Mingyu’s life miserable right now, mom. Is there no other way to get out of this contract? Can’t we pay them back?”

 

“You don’t seem to understand. Everything we have right now—our house, the clothes you’re wearing, the very life that we have—it’s all from them. We wouldn’t even afford to send you to school if not for the Kims. If we try to get away, we’ll be in jail. We can’t lose everything, Wonwoo.”

 

His head was pounding, his chest was feeling too tight. This was not happening to him. He wanted to convince himself that there was a way out of this but he couldn’t even see a shed of light. His mind suddenly remembered Mingyu’s hopeful face, his bright smile, his fond eyes whenever his gaze was on Wonwoo, his beautiful heart. He found it difficult to breathe. He didn’t want to give up the only happiness he had in his life. “I don’t want to lose Mingyu, too.” He sobbed brokenly. His tears were racing down his cheeks, like a broken dam that he could never stop. He felt his mother’s arms around him, enveloping him in an embrace that suffocated him.

 

“I’m sorry, Wonwoo. I’m so sorry.” She whispered through his hair, in between her cries.

 

He was feeling lost. He didn’t know what to do or how to face everyone. He had no idea how he got back to his room. His head hurt too much and longed for something, anything that would ease this pain. He found his phone ringing on top of his bed. He almost broke down again when he saw who was calling.

 

Wonwoo didn’t know what to say to Mingyu. He couldn’t talk to him right now. He didn’t know how to tell him that it was impossible for them to be together. The only way was to break his heart. He took his phone and hid it on his drawer before dropping his body down on the bed. He closed his eyes and willed for sleep to take him and never wake up again.

 

He knew that Mingyu wouldn’t stop until he heard from Wonwoo so the latter immediately retreated to Seokmin’s vacation house the next day. His cousin was alarmed to see him when he suddenly showed up at the front door looking worse for wear. He knew that Seokmin wanted to know what happened but when he asked—almost pleaded—not to let Mingyu or Jaejin know that he was there, his cousin just agreed reluctantly. No questions were asked but Seokmin always hovered around him like he was afraid that Wonwoo would do something drastic.

 

Wonwoo didn’t know how he managed to hide there for almost two weeks. He didn’t tell his parents that he left but he was sure that Seokmin had already informed them. They never bothered him the whole time he was gone. His mother knew the reason he was acting out.

 

Mingyu and Jaejin never stopped calling and sending him messages for a week. He decided to switch his phone off the next week because if he saw Mingyu’s name on his phone one more time he would might have given in and asked him to run away. But Wonwoo could not do that. He couldn’t bear to drop everything and let his family suffer. He used that time to reflect on his actions, deciding what he needed to do and leave behind. It wouldn’t just be him and his parents that would be affected if he broke off the engagement; Seokmin and his family would also be in trouble and he didn’t have the heart to do that to them.

 

“Hey, Wonwoo.” Seokmin’s head peeked inside the guest room.

 

Wonwoo lifted his gaze from the book he was reading. “Seok. You need anything?”

 

“Nothing. I just..” His cousin stepped inside the room, hand on his nape. “I received an invitation for your engagement. It’s in two days.”

 

He nodded in acknowledgement. “Yeah, I didn’t forget.”

 

“So where do you want to go?”

 

He was lost for a moment. “Huh?”

 

“We could go tomorrow. Overseas maybe? They won’t be able to track you immediately, right? I think Jaejin already knows you’re here but he’s just giving you space.”

 

He placed his book down on the bedside table. “What are you talking about? I’m not going to run away.”

 

“What?” Seokmin was the one who looked bewildered now. “You’re going to push through with the engagement?”

 

“Yeah, why do you sound surprised?”

 

“I thought you were hiding here because you didn’t want to be engaged to Jaejin. I thought you finally had the guts to run away and finally be with Mingyu.” The other was frowning at him. “If it’s not that then what the hell are you doing hiding in here?”

 

He heaved a deep sigh. “I just needed time to think and prepare myself for this future I’m setting myself in.”

 

“Are you _crazy_?!” He visibly flinched at Seokmin’s sudden outburst. “Why are you just going to let this happen? You don’t love Jaejin!”

“It’s already been decided, Seokmin. This is just a formality. It’s what I have to do. It doesn’t matter how I feel.” He sounded so calm that he was almost proud of himself.

 

“What about Mingyu? On the dinner party I knew there was something going on. I saw you two on the bathroom. Are you really just going to give him up like this?”

 

Wonwoo averted his eyes. “There’s nothing between us. He just checked how I was that night. We can’t be together, you know that.”

 

He knew that Seokmin wasn’t believing that bit about Mingyu but he just kept his mouth shut. Nothing was said for awhile and Wonwoo almost thought that Seokmin had already left if not for the hard stare that Wonwoo could feel on his skin.

 

“You already know you’re going to regret this. When will you start thinking about yourself first?” Seokmin murmured quietly.

 

He smiled bitterly. “I don’t have that kind of luxury.” He returned his gaze to the other male. “Thank you for protecting me, Seok.”

 

Seokmin had a resigned look on his features. He knew that Wonwoo had already made up his mind and he won’t be able to change it. “I just want the best for you.”

 

“This is the best that I am allowed to have.”

 

Wonwoo returned to his residence the next morning. He had a day to prepare for his engagement party. His parents didn’t ask any questions when he came back. His mother just welcomed him with a warm, comforting hug. He knew that his parents had their own reasons for doing what they did so he couldn’t really be angry at them. He basked in the warmth of his mother’s embrace, hoping that it could give him the strength to face the things that he wanted to escape from.

 

He wore a tailored tux at the evening of his official engagement. He wasn’t fussy about his appearance but his parents made sure he got his hair and makeup done neatly. His hair was swept up for the occasion and he was glad that the makeup artist was able to hide the bags under his eyes. He was looking stressed after everything that happened but there wasn’t a trace left on his face, he observed as he stared at himself in the mirror. Although, one thing that concealers would never be able to hide was the look on his eyes. They were empty, hollow, as if they grew tired of harboring any kind of emotion. No one would probably notice, anyway.

 

The venue was held at the exclusive clubhouse that the Kims owned. Wonwoo entered through the back door since some of the guests were already arriving at the entrance. He didn’t understand why that was necessary. They weren’t having a show nor were they celebrities. Upon getting inside, he was greeted by a fuming Kim Jaejin.

 

“Where the hell were you? What happened to you? Why weren’t you answering my calls? Your parents wouldn’t even tell me where you were.” Those were his fiancée’s opening words.

 

“I missed you, too, Jae.” He responded with a weak smile on his face. Despite everything, he couldn’t blame it on his best friend. He was much of a victim here as he was. “What time is it going to start?”

 

Jaejin continued scowling at him. “You’re not answering my questions.”

 

“We’ll talk later.” He assured him. “Let’s just get this over with first.”

 

Jaejin grabbed his elbow and pulled him towards a secluded space beside the cupboard, away from the prying eyes and ears of the staff around them. “How are you okay with this? I honestly thought this thing wasn’t going to happen until they were sending tailors in our house and planners asking me about food choices.”

 

“Did you talk to your parents about.. postponing or breaking it off?” Wonwoo decided to ask.

 

“Of course I did.” Jaejin replied in a hushed tone. “They told me.. it depends on whether you would still want to or not. It had to be mutual. And your parents said that you wanted to push this through. Is that really want you want, Wonwoo?”

 

Wonwoo felt numb all over. Jaejin’s parents were even playing their own son. They would never let Wonwoo get away from this engagement so they made his best friend think that it all depended on his decision. They knew that Wonwoo wouldn’t be able to escape.

 

“Yes, this is what I want.” Maybe if he said these lies a million times more, they would become the truth. “I want to get married to you.”

 

Jaejin’s face was full of disbelief. He opened and closed his mouth at an utter loss for words. Wonwoo patiently waited for him to say something. “Where is this coming from, Wonwoo? What happened?”

 

“Nothing. I’m just telling you how I feel about this.”

 

“Have you already forgotten about Mingyu? Did you two fight? Is that what this is—”

 

Wonwoo was quick to cut him off. “Mingyu has nothing to do with this. There’s nothing between us.”

 

“Mingyu—”

 

“I don’t feel that way for him.” It was so painful to even mouth these words but he needed it to happen. “This is just about us.”

 

“No, Wonwoo. Mingyu’s..” His best friend trailed off and he just noticed that he was already looking at somewhere behind Wonwoo.

 

 _Someone_  behind Wonwoo. He already knew who it was before he even turned around. He braced himself for the disappointment, the anger, the look of betrayal. But still, he wasn’t prepared to see the sheer pain in Mingyu’s eyes. His lips were pressed into a thin line yet they were trembling. Wonwoo was a fool to think that he could do this. His resolve was starting to crumble just by having Mingyu in front of him.

 

He wanted to explain. He wanted to take back everything he said but he knew that he would just bring misery into Mingyu’s life. He couldn’t do that to him.

 

Wonwoo expected Mingyu to get angry, scream at him or walk away. But he just stayed rooted on his place, staring at Wonwoo in a way that made the latter feel ashamed of himself.

 

“I honestly don’t know what’s going on here. You two should talk first.” Jaejin chimed in.

 

He didn’t want to be left all alone there with Mingyu. He tried to stop Jaejin but he had already walked away and Mingyu suddenly called him. “Wonwoo.”

 

Reluctantly, he turned his attention back to Mingyu. That expressionless look on Mingyu’s face was back. He got used to Mingyu showing his emotions whenever he was with Wonwoo that this scared him. “Let’s go outside.” His tone was eerily calm.

 

Mingyu went out of the door that Wonwoo came in a few minutes ago. He followed the taller one with careful steps. There were a few cars parked but no one was around apart from them. He could vaguely hear the noise of the guests from inside. The moon wasn’t out that night though there were lights coming from the balcony. The wind was chilly but the atmosphere between them was colder.

 

“So this is your answer?” Mingyu started off. Wonwoo just noticed that he was also dressed for the occasion. “You didn’t break it off?”

 

“That’s why we’re here, right?” He tried to keep his voice as detached as possible. He had to kill all these feelings he had for Mingyu.

 

“I called you nonstop for days. I tried to see you but you weren’t anywhere that I know. You just disappeared and I almost went crazy thinking what happened to you.” With every word, the pain and frustration became evident in Mingyu’s features. He was clenching his fists at his sides. “Did I do something wrong?”

 

Of course, Mingyu would blame himself. He was too kind to even think that it was all on Wonwoo, that he was the one who fucked up. He began hating himself more for what he was about to do. “You didn’t do anything. Things are just going the way they should be.”

 

“Then what was that talk all about, Wonwoo?” Mingyu’s voice was rising. “What was that two weeks ago? Did I just imagine that?”

 

“It was all just a game.”

 

“What?” Disbelief dripped on the taller one’s tone. “What the _hell_ are you saying?”

 

“I thought it would make Jaejin jealous. He always dated a different person almost every week and I thought how unfair it was that I didn’t get to be with other people before we get engaged. And then you were there.” It was a terrible lie. He knew that Mingyu wouldn’t buy it but it was better than telling him the truth. If the Kims found out that Mingyu knew he could become the heir, they might do something to him.

 

Mingyu scoffed. “You expect me to believe that, Wonwoo? Come up with a better lie or just tell me the truth.”

 

“There’s nothing else to tell. I don’t care if you believe it or not.”

 

Wonwoo was taken aback when Mingyu was suddenly right in front of his face in two strides. He took a step behind but the other was quick to grab his arm and pull him back. “Did they threaten you? What hold do they have on you, Wonwoo? Tell me.”

 

He was trying to yank his arm away from Mingyu but his grip was too tight. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. They have nothing to do with this. It was just my own fun.”

 

“Will you stop with the unnecessary lies?” Mingyu let his arm go but he brought his hands up to cup Wonwoo’s face. “I know you. You can’t tell me that what we had back at my hometown was all a lie. So, talk to me. Tell me why you’re doing this.” Mingyu’s voice softened as he coaxed him, too gentle for Wonwoo’s heart to handle.

 

But Wonwoo already made up his mind. He was going to stand by his resolve. “We just made out a few times and you already think that was how I really feel about you? A few kisses don’t mean anything.”

 

Mingyu let go of his face and dropped his hands like he was burned. He had an incredulous look on his face, eyeing Wonwoo like he didn’t know who he was anymore. “Stop. Don’t say that.”

 

“You want the truth, right? I enjoyed the intimacy but it’s only that. Nothing more.”

 

The taller was shaking his head, refusing to believe the things he was hearing from Wonwoo’s mouth. “You don’t mean that. You feel something for me. It’s not just that weekend. Years, Wonwoo, we’ve been together for years and I’m sure there’s something there.” Mingyu grabbed him by the shoulders, his gaze desperate and pleading. “I love you, Wonwoo. I fucking love you so much so don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way because I know you do.”

 

Wonwoo was probably desensitized by the pain already that was why he was able to look Mingyu straight in the eyes. “Did I ever tell you that? I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. I didn’t really mean to lead you on. Like you said, we’ve been friends for years so I can’t really turn you away.”

 

"Stop lying to me!”

 

“For the last time, I’m not lying!” Wonwoo didn’t know how much longer he could go on. He was running out of excuses and Mingyu was still seeing through him. He needed to end this now. “I don’t love you, Mingyu! Don’t you get it? It’s still and only Jaejin that I see. I’m meant to be with him. You can’t change that. Stop forcing your feelings on me! Just because I listened to you and your sob story doesn’t mean I—”

 

It was too late for him to realize what he just said. He never intended to say that last part. He wanted to hurt Mingyu but not that way. “No, that’s not what I’m supposed to—”

 

Mingyu quickly moved away from him. His eyes were shut tight and he took deep breaths. Then he was laughing. He was cackling so loud like he just heard the funniest joke in his life. Wonwoo thought that he was going crazy until he saw the tears that were running down Mingyu’s cheeks. “You fucking bastard.” He wheezed. His voice was so broken that it pierced Wonwoo to his bones. “You really played me, huh?”

 

“Mingyu—”

 

“Don’t—don’t fucking say my name.” Wonwoo flinched at the harshness of his tone. “So this is really what you wanted all along? Fine, have it. I’ll leave you alone.”

 

Wonwoo wanted to say something, anything to take back his cruel words and apologize. But he just stood there biting his tongue, his chest twisting with a sickening feeling. His heart was slowly dying and yet all he could do was watch as Mingyu walked away.

 

“I hope you’re not going to regret this.” Those sarcastic, bitter words were the last thing that Mingyu said to him.

 

Wonwoo was on autopilot for the rest of the night. He was physically there when they finally announced his engagement to Jaejin but it was like he was watching someone else’s life. He let himself be swept off by the greetings and meaningless conversations. Mingyu was nowhere to be seen.

 

The next week, Mingyu was gone. He didn’t go to the same university as Wonwoo and Jaejin and attended his second choice university instead. Wonwoo still couldn’t forget how he broke Mingyu that night. Mingyu vanished for three years but the regrets that he hoped he would never have, Wonwoo had carried them for the rest of his life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh wonwoo dear u screwed up big time :( i’m sorry for hurting them like this i feel awful sometimes
> 
> it’s already march! when i posted this i was actually hoping to end this by march or april but then life's a bitch i can't have all the time i want huhu so i guess we have four or five chapters left?
> 
> i'll be traveling a lot this month and i can't bring my laptop with me so next update might take longer again but there will be one or two chapters this march don't worry
> 
> as always, thanks for all the love!


	9. énouement.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> énouement  
> \- (n.) the bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turned out but not being able to tell it to the past.

Wonwoo was nervous as he sat at one of the tables in the visiting area. There were only three other tables occupied and Wonwoo was glad for that. He didn’t know if Mingyu’s father knew him so he was torn on how to introduce himself. Surely, his son told him that he was going to get married, right?

 

He didn’t exactly know where Mingyu’s father was imprisoned so he had to call Joshua on the way. He was a bit sorry that he had to wake up his friend so early in the morning but he was sure that as Mingyu’s secretary, Joshua would know.

 

He was still fidgeting on his seat when someone wearing the prisoner’s gray uniform came through the metal doors with one of the guards by his side. The man had tan skin that was similar to the golden boy he knew and a facial structure that was quite similar to his husband’s. He immediately stood up to greet the man as he approached the table.

 

It wasn’t just the man’s physical features that resembled that of Mingyu’s. There was a certain warmth that was achingly familiar as he gently smiled at Wonwoo. “Good morning, Sir.” He opted for a bow since a handshake was impossible with the man’s hands on cuffs. “My name is Jeon Wonwoo. I’m your son’s husband.”

 

“Hello, Wonwoo. It’s nice to finally meet you.” Mingyu’s father greeted back. “You don’t really need to call me ‘Sir.’”

 

“Oh, but I don’t really know how to address you.”

 

“You can just call me ‘Dad’. You’re already married to my son.” It’s been months since they got married but it still flustered Wonwoo to the core so he just awkwardly smiled as they sat down.

 

“You must be surprised for this sudden visit.” Wonwoo started sheepishly.

 

“Yes, I am. It’s been awhile since someone visited me here.” Mingyu’s father chuckled curtly.

 

Wonwoo had heard of stories about people who got imprisoned. They said that incarceration could change people, breaking their spirit and making them become a different person than who they were before. He had never met Mingyu’s father prior to this, but he could tell that it wasn’t the same case for the man. There was still a spark of hope in his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry that we had to meet this way.” The man added on a somber tone.

 

Wonwoo shook his head slightly. “It’s not your fault.” He glanced around quickly, wary that there might be people listening in. “Mingyu told me the story before.”

 

“How’s my son doing?” The older asked eagerly.

 

“He’s doing well.” He dropped his gaze quickly, suddenly feeling guilty of leaving Mingyu that morning. “He doesn’t know that I came here.”

 

“Are you two having problems?”

 

_Well, that’s an understatement_. “The reason I visited was to apologize personally to you. I just found out that Mingyu is not allowed to visit you anymore after marrying me. I had no idea that there was a term like this on our marriage. If I knew, I wouldn’t—”

 

“Son, don’t blame yourself.” Wonwoo was a bit taken aback when the man cut him off. “The Kims have always used me to control Mingyu. But my son made this decision willingly and I supported him.”

 

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Willingly?”

 

Mingyu’s father looked quite puzzled himself. “Who told you about Mingyu not being able to visit me while he’s married to you?”

 

“It was Hyeri.”

 

“Ah, that sweet girl. She still visited me quite a few times before her stomach got bigger. Has she given birth already?”

 

“She was in labor yesterday so she might have already. I haven’t heard news yet.” He couldn’t lie to himself and say that he wasn’t jealous of Hyeri being able to meet Mingyu’s father first. No matter what other people tell him, Hyeri really did have a special part on Mingyu’s life.

 

“That’s great. I wish her and the baby well.” The man said good-naturedly before sighing. “Going back, I guess my son hasn’t told you everything yet. You visited me to get some answers, huh?”

 

He nodded sheepishly. “I don’t know if Mingyu has told you but we had a very rocky past. Things weren’t really okay between us. We haven’t really talked about things yet. I have a hard time getting him to tell me everything.”

 

“Mingyu had always been like that. He’s always trying to protect you, did you know that?”

 

Hyeri said that Mingyu sacrificed a lot of things for him but he didn’t know if he did those things to protect him. “I-I never had an idea.”

 

The older man smiled kindly at him. “When I was sent here and the Kims took my son, I never saw him for many years. I was worried everyday if they were treating him right, what they were doing to him or if they tried to turn my son against me. It wasn’t until they let him go back to his grandmother that he was able to visit me.”

 

“I was relieved to see Mingyu looking healthy and well when I got to see him again.” Mingyu’s father continued. “He told me not to worry about him, that his mother’s family treated him well, but I knew he was hiding a lot of things from me. I wanted him to tell me but Mingyu was the kind of kid who was forced to grow up early and didn’t want to bother people around him, even his father. The only time that he truly opened up to me was when he talked about you.”

 

Wonwoo blinked in surprise. “He talked about me?” He snorted jokingly. “I could still remember him avoiding me for a few months before he left for the province.”

 

The older sighed again. “Let me guess, he never told you why he didn’t speak to you that time.” Wonwoo shook his head. “He did it for you and for me as well. The way Mingyu talked about you, I knew you were someone really special to him. You were the only friend that he had. I would like to thank you for that.”

 

“I think I have more reasons to be thankful to him. Mingyu has always been so good to me.”

 

“That boy has a kind heart. And the Kims took advantage of that. I knew that they didn’t really care about my boy. They just want to take what he has because Mingyu has a claim on that family. They saw how Mingyu was getting too close to you. You were engaged to Jaejin and they didn’t want you to favor my son so that woman told Mingyu to stay away from you.”

 

Wonwoo couldn’t say that he was surprised. He always had a feeling that Jaejin’s mother had something to do with that. “And Mingyu did.”

 

“Because they told him that if he didn’t, they would hurt you.”

 

Wonwoo’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

 

The other man’s eyes turned sad. “I knew the Kims wouldn’t be able to hurt you but Mingyu was just a kid and he believed them. They also told him that if he would stop talking to you then they would let him go back to his grandmother. They kept their promise but Mingyu was really sorry that he stopped talking to you. He always missed you.”

 

He recalled that time at their high school’s courtyard when Mingyu came back. “I was mad at first when he started avoiding me. But I couldn’t really blame him. I knew he had his reasons. He tried to explain things to me when he came back during high school but now I know why he couldn’t tell me everything that time.”

 

“He was able to visit me a few times during high school. He looked so much happier and he would frequently smile. I have never met you before but my son had told me so many things about you that I feel like I knew you quite well.” Wonwoo couldn’t help being flustered with that information and his father-in-law laughed at his reaction.

 

When the laughter died down, Wonwoo’s face turned solemn. “But that didn’t last long.” He could never forget what happened after their high school graduation.

 

“Yes, Mingyu suddenly stopped talking about you. Something changed in him.” A frown made its way to the older man’s face for the first time that morning. “I asked him about you and he completely shut me off. I never tried asking him again because I hoped that he would tell me when he was ready. And then he brought Hyeri and I saw a glimpse of the old Mingyu, the happier one, but he was never really the same.”

 

“It was all my fault.” He confessed. “I did him wrong those years ago.”

 

“I won’t ask you what happened between the two of you. That’s all in the past now, Wonwoo.”

 

“I know. Everything that happened brought us to where we are now. That’s why I’m trying to make things right. I want to make it up to Mingyu.”

 

The older man’s eyes turned soft. “You don’t have to do that. That’s what my son would tell you. You love my son, right?”

 

“I do. I really do.”

 

“Then just stay by his side. Don’t leave him.”

 

“I will never do that again. I don’t think I can even if I tried.” He chuckled softly. “I know Mingyu’s trying to find a way to get you out of here. I would also do the best I can to get you justice.”

 

“I appreciate your concern but do not worry about me so much in here. Please tell my son that as well. Worry about yourselves first.” In a quiet voice, he warned. “Be careful of the Kims.”

 

They talked for a few more minutes before one of the guards approached to tell them that his father-in-law’s visiting time was over. Wonwoo embraced the older man and promised that he would visit again soon. Hopefully, with Mingyu.

 

Wonwoo wasn’t surprised when he got his phone again and saw so many messages and missed calls from his husband. He sent him a message when he left, telling Mingyu that he had somewhere important to go to but he would be back soon. He felt kind of guilty for worrying his husband like this but if he told the latter where he was going Mingyu would either have stopped or followed him.

 

It wasn’t until he was back to the busy roads of the city that he sent a reply to Mingyu to tell him where he would be going next. He found it odd that his husband didn’t send back a reply and just left him on read. Was Mingyu getting back at him? He just shrugged it off and got off the car at the parking lot.

 

Hyeri’s hospital room was at the fourth floor as told by the receptionist. Mingyu informed him via one of his messages that the woman already gave birth last night to a baby boy. Wonwoo was sorry that he contributed to Hyeri’s stress yesterday so he decided to visit her.

 

It suddenly crossed his mind that Hyeri must still be tired and sleeping but contrary to his concerns, the woman was already awake when he entered her room. Hyeri’s mother was there with her when he arrived but she left the room so they could talk.

 

“Thank you for visiting me.” Hyeri looked tired and weary but there was a genuine smile on her face. It was completely different from the saccharine ones she used to give him.

 

“I didn’t get a chance to see you again after we brought you here so I wanted to know how you were doing.” Wonwoo placed the fruits basket he bought on the way there at a vacant table by her bed. “Where’s the baby?”

 

“He’s at the nursery. I already miss him but my doctor said I need more time to rest.”

 

“I hope I’m not bothering you right now.” He fretted.

 

“Don’t worry. I just woke up so I feel a little refreshed.” She responded with a giggle.

 

“Did Mingyu come back here already?” He couldn’t help asking.

 

“Not yet. That’s why it’s kind of weird that you got here first before him.” Wonwoo helped her to sit up before sitting at the stool beside her bed.

 

He was unnerved when Hyeri narrowed her eyes at him. “What?”

 

“Did something happen between you two last night?” She asked suspiciously.

 

He tried not to twitch at her question. “Nothing really.”

 

“Did you two fight again?”

 

“We argued like the usual but we’re fine.” Well, he hoped they were. They slept together but it wasn’t really an assurance that things were already clear between them. “Why are you asking?”

 

“I don’t know. There’s just something different about you today.”

 

Wonwoo tried to avert the topic with a laugh. “You’re probably just tired. So, does the boy have a name already?”

 

Hyeri shook her head and pouted. “I can’t decide yet. I came up with a lot of baby names before but now they don’t seem right for him.”

 

“Could I see him later? Maybe I can help you decide.” He offered.

 

“Sure.” Hyeri beamed at him. She looked thoughtful for a moment before suddenly speaking. “It’s not Mingyu.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I know you were worried about who the father of my child was. But it’s not Mingyu, I assure you.” Hyeri dropped her gaze to her hands placed on her lap. “If he was, then I would be the one married to him right now.”

 

Wonwoo just intended to visit Hyeri that day to check if she was alright. He planned to talk to her after she had recovered from the labor but she was the one to open it up first. “You two were already engaged. What happened?”

 

“Nothing really happened. Except that I became pregnant, but you see..” Hyeri took a deep breath. “Mingyu and I.. we were never really together.”

 

Wonwoo scowled at her, the feeling of anger and shock stirring inside him. “What? What do you mean? All those years you two were together, it was all a lie?”

 

“It wasn’t really a lie. Not at first.” Hyeri still wasn’t looking at him and trained her eyes to the window on the other side instead. “When I was a freshman in college, I met Mingyu and I started to have feelings for him. He was quiet but he was kind. I knew I kind of annoyed him but I still approached him everyday. I also knew that he wasn’t interested in me but I wasn’t one to give up easily. Even after he told me that he already loved someone else I still pursued him.”

 

“Maybe Mingyu was too nice because he didn’t really push me away either. I was even able to meet Jaejin when he visited Mingyu once.” Hyeri took a deep breath. “It wasn’t really a secret how in love I was with Mingyu before. Even my parents knew it. I was aware that it was kind of hopeless so imagine my surprise when he told me that he would give the two of us a chance.”

 

“So Mingyu did start to love you back.” It was something that happened in the past but the idea that there was someone else that Mingyu loved other than him made him jealous. “You are really special to him.”

 

“As a friend, yeah.” Hyeri finally looked him in the eye again. “We started dating not because he liked me back, but because his family told him to.”

 

Wonwoo’s eyebrows raised in question. “So you two were also arranged?”

 

She nodded. “In a way. He wasn’t supposed to tell me the truth but being the good guy that Mingyu was he came clean to me. We have political power and the Kims want that kind of support for the business. He asked me if I was fine with that. I loved him but I also have my pride, you know? I don’t want to be just a tool for political alliances.”

 

“But you still dated him.” Wonwoo noted. “There’s something else, right?”

 

“The Kims told Mingyu that if he would treat me right and marry me, they would petition for his father’s parole using my family’s connections. I knew about his father’s story so I agreed to continue the charade to help him. I thought that maybe in time Mingyu would start to love me for real.” Hyeri had a small smile on her lips, her face seemingly reminiscent. “Until I was introduced to you.”

 

“I still remember that day in the garden. I never really liked you back then.” Wonwoo said truthfully.

 

That made Hyeri laugh out loud. “Oh, I know that. You were nice because you had to be but I know you despised me. Mingyu already told me about you before he brought me there so I hated you already for what you did to him.”

 

“I had no other choice that time. I did what I did to protect Mingyu.” He defended himself. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret it.”

 

“I know that now. You never really stopped loving him. Remember that one college party where we met again? I actually followed you that time and I saw you talking to Mingyu outside.” Hyeri’s voice lowered just a bit. There was a tinge of sadness in her eyes. “That was when I realized you two were never really over each other. And Mingyu would never love me as much as he did for you. You didn’t see his face when you asked him if he loved me. He told you he did but the pain on his face as he said it, I already knew I would never be able to compare to you. I finally gave up on him after that.”

 

There was a beat of silence. Wonwoo wasn’t really sure how to respond. “But you two were still together for the next few years. You even got engaged.”

 

“I still wanted to help his father. We had an agreement that once the parole is granted, we’ll get a divorce.” She explained. “I started to move on from him and dated other guys. Mingyu knew that and he didn’t mind. I told him he could see other people, too, but I don’t think he ever did.”

 

He raised a brow. “Seriously, he didn’t?”

 

Hyeri giggled in response. “You’re getting jealous now? I never saw him with other people. But we weren’t always together at the university so I think you should ask him about that. Anyway, I dated those other guys in secret because our families might cancel the engagement if they find out we were just acting. And then two years ago, I met Sungyoon.”

 

“Your husband?”

 

“Soon to be ex-husband.” Wonwoo didn’t miss the bitterness on her voice. “I thought he was the perfect man when I met him. I just realized a few months ago how foolish I was to fall for him. Maybe the only thing that I don’t regret was having a baby with him even if it was unplanned. I got so scared when I found out that I was pregnant. Mingyu was the first one to know and I was ashamed of myself. He’s too good for me. He was willing to be the baby’s father because he knew my parents would disown me if they found out I got pregnant with another man. But I declined Mingyu’s offer. I couldn’t do that to him. I told my parents the whole truth and Sungyoon was forced to marry me.”

 

“Where is Sungyoon now?” He asked carefully.

 

“With his mistress most probably. He never really wanted to marry me and just wanted my family’s wealth. He didn’t have to nor did I ask him to but Mingyu took care of me when I moved out of the house that I shared with Sungyoon.” One of Hyeri’s hands reached out to hold Wonwoo’s. “I’m sorry if you thought I was stealing Mingyu from you. I don’t love him that way anymore, I promise. I didn’t really have anyone else other than him. All my other friends turned their backs on me when they thought I cheated on Mingyu.”

 

“Hey, it’s alright.” Wonwoo reassured her in a soothing tone. She looked like she was close to tears. “I wasn’t really mad at you—” Hyeri raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Okay, maybe a little. But I understand everything now. You don’t have to say sorry.”

 

“I still caused Uncle to lose his petition for a parole.” She stated remorsefully. “I failed him. I failed Mingyu.”

 

“I visited Mingyu’s father before I came here, you know.” Hyeri looked up at him in surprise. “I only talked to him for a couple of minutes but I am sure he doesn’t blame you for anything. And I’m also sure Mingyu doesn’t either. Dad wishes you and the baby well.”

 

“They should be mad at me, even just a little.”

 

Wonwoo snickered. “You are a good person, Hyeri. And Mingyu’s not the only friend you have. I’m here for you as well.”

 

“Me, too. Thank you, Wonwoo.” She gratefully grinned at him. “You and Mingyu deserve to be happy together. Don’t let him go this time, okay?”

 

“Never.”

 

 

***

 

Wonwoo closed the door quietly as he exited Hyeri’s room. The doctor just came in to check on her and he went out to give them some privacy and also to get something to eat. He didn’t have a chance to get a decent meal since morning so he was starving. He was only able to take a few steps in the hallway when he heard his name being called.

 

He turned on his heel and his heart almost stopped when he saw who was on the other end of the hallway. His husband took disgruntled strides towards him, the scowl on his face being more apparent as he neared. Wonwoo stifled a laugh.

 

“Hey, Gyu.” Wonwoo greeted his husband airily.

 

That seemed to crumple Mingyu’s face more. “You were already gone when I woke up this morning.”

 

“I left you a message.”

 

“A very vague one. You didn’t even tell me where you would go. Did you know how worried I was?”

 

Wonwoo bit his lower lip in remorse. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you and I was afraid that you would insist to go with me if I told you.”

 

“Why?” Mingyu asked. “Where did you go, Wonwoo?”

 

“I went to visit your father.”

 

The frown on the taller man’s face was replaced with shock. “My father? Why did you go there?”

 

“After Hyeri told me yesterday that you weren’t allowed to visit him after we got married, it never stopped bothering me. I felt like it was my fault so I went there to apologize personally and ask about some things since you won’t tell me anything.”

 

Mingyu wasn’t able to say anything for a few seconds. He just stood there looking so torn with himself. “So did he tell you everything?” He was able to ask after awhile.

 

“Only what he knew. Hyeri also explained to me everything about the two of you.” Wonwoo took his husband’s hand and looked straight into his eyes. “Listen, Mingyu. I really want our marriage to work. We cannot do that if we keep secrets from each other. I need to know everything.”

 

Mingyu heaved a sigh. “I thought you didn’t care enough about the truth.”

 

“Why wouldn’t I?”

 

“Because I thought you didn’t really want to be with me. That you would eventually leave once Jaejin comes back.” Mingyu’s reply was too soft but Wonwoo sensed the fear in there. “When I realized you were gone this morning, I was afraid that you regretted what happened last night so you ran away.”

 

Wonwoo felt a wave of guilt crash into his chest. He never wanted Mingyu to feel that way. “I’m sorry, Mingyu. You know it isn’t like that.” He needed to make things clear right at that moment. He wanted to erase all the doubts and uncertainty between them. He brought his hands to Mingyu’s face, placing them on his cheeks and holding his face like it was the most precious thing that Wonwoo ever had. “I love you, Mingyu. I have always loved you. It took me so long to say this but it’s the truth. There’s no one else, not Jaejin, not anyone else. Only you.”

 

He saw how a plethora of emotions played on Mingyu’s face. He breathed out a sound of both relief and happiness before suddenly swooping in to capture Wonwoo’s lips for a kiss. The latter instantly encircled his arms around the other man’s neck and responded eagerly.

 

Wonwoo could still taste the grin on Mingyu’s lips when he pulled away and knocked their foreheads together. His eyes were still close but he could feel his husband’s happiness radiating off him. Mingyu’s arms pulled him closer by the waist. “You don’t know how long I have waited to hear you say that.”

 

“I think I do. I’ve been waiting all my life, too.” He tenderly pecked his husband’s lips before opening his eyes.

 

Mingyu was looking at him with so much wonder and adoration that made his knees so weak. “I love you, too, Wonwoo. I never stopped loving you. I have no plans to stop either.”

 

Wonwoo chuckled softly. “That’s good to know.”

 

“I’ll tell you everything you want to know. No more secrets.” Mingyu promised.

 

“No more secrets.” Wonwoo echoed with a nod.

 

 

***

 

 

“Jaeyoon sounds nice. He does look like a Jaeyoon.” Wonwoo mused as he stared at the baby’s face on Hyeri’s arms.

 

“How do you even know how a person named Jaeyoon looks like?” Mingyu asked by the other side of the bed, also ogling at the infant.

 

“Yeah, Wonwoo. Do you know a Jaeyoon?” Hyeri chimed in. “Did you go out with someone with that name before?”

 

“What? No.” He quickly glanced at his husband whose gaze was suddenly on him. “I just said that so you could stop changing your baby’s name for the fifth time.”

 

Hyeri tittered. “I was just teasing you two. I have already written the name on his birth certificate.”

 

Wonwoo frowned at her. “Then why did you make us come up with a long list of baby names?”

 

The woman shrugged her shoulders. “For your future reference.”

 

Hyeri’s reply puzzled him so he was about to ask what it was about but Mingyu beat him to it. “Can I hold him?”

 

“Sure.” She carefully turned her son to Mingyu’s side and offered for Mingyu to take the baby. His husband delicately took Jaeyoon into his arms.

 

“You two would be his godfathers, okay?” Hyeri peered at them sternly.

 

“Of course.” Wonwoo agreed without a second thought.

 

Hyeri was telling him something about the party she was already planning for Jaeyoon’s first birthday but Wonwoo’s attention was stolen away as he watched Mingyu rock the baby softly in his arms. There was something that tugged at his heartstrings seeing how lovingly Mingyu stared at Jaeyoon. He could remember Mingyu telling him before that he liked kids even if he didn’t really know how to handle them. He was lucky that the little boy was asleep because he knew that Mingyu wouldn’t know what to do otherwise.

 

He was smiling to himself when Hyeri caught his gaze back. She had a knowing yet smug look on her face like she knew what Wonwoo was thinking about. The latter just rolled his eyes at her.

 

“For future reference.” She repeated what she said earlier. Only this time, Wonwoo knew what she was talking about.

 

He smiled but shook his head. Not now. They weren’t ready for that yet. They just managed to take a step forward to work on their marriage. Maybe someday they would, but that was a talk for another time.

 

Wonwoo’s phone suddenly rang so he pulled it out of his pocket to answer. Before he did though, he read who was calling and a sudden sense of dread came over him. He tried to look calm and composed, not wanting to alarm his husband but Mingyu was already looking at him. He just sent the other a reassuring smile before excusing himself to take the call outside.

 

Once he was out of the room, Wonwoo took a deep breath before answering. “Hello, Madame.”

 

“It’s been awhile, my dear.” Jaejin’s mother sounded doting but Wonwoo could hear the underlying icy tone. “Are you busy today?”

 

“Not really. I am currently at the hospital with Mingyu.”

 

“Oh my, what happened? Why are you two in there?” Wonwoo almost clapped at the feigned worry on her tone.

 

“Hyeri already gave birth yesterday. We’re just here visiting her.” He explained.

 

“Oh, so she finally gave birth.” He knew how the woman wasn’t too pleased with the fact that Hyeri got pregnant with another man while still engaged to Mingyu. Despite her hatred for her nephew, he still carried the family name and what happened had affected their image.

 

“Yeah, it’s a healthy baby boy. Anyway, Madame, why did you call?”

 

“After you’re done there, why don’t you visit here? It’s been awhile since we caught up on each other. It’s really been so lonely at home. Have dinner with me.” This time, Wonwoo had a feeling that the sadness on her voice was real.

 

He was planning to go straight home with Mingyu to talk but he knew he couldn’t refuse an invite from this woman. He also wanted for Mingyu to come with him but it was pretty clear that he was the only one she was inviting.

 

Wonwoo was about to voice out his concern but the woman had spoken again. “You went to visit Mingyu’s father today, didn’t you?”

 

He froze. He was surprised that the woman knew where he went that morning but then knowing who she really was, it was expected. “Yes.”

 

“So you found out.” Her tone didn’t sound too happy. “There are still some things you should know, Wonwoo. Would you like me to tell you?”

 

“Would you really tell me the truth?”

 

He could hear the woman laughing from the other line. “Dear, do you think I would lie to you?”

 

_If it benefits you_. He couldn’t risk voicing that out just yet. He was still probably on the woman’s good graces. “I’ll be there, Madame.”

 

“Good.” Wonwoo could hear the smirk on her voice. “Don’t be too late, dear. Oh, and Wonwoo?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Don’t bring that man with you.”

 

Wonwoo was still staring at his phone when the door behind him opened. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he tilted his head up to see Mingyu looking at him worriedly. “Who was that? Is everything alright?”

 

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Wonwoo plastered a smile on his face. “We have to go.”

 

“Huh? Where?”

 

“We’re going to have dinner with your aunt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a chapter for 1/2 of the revelations haha we're getting there. work is demanding most of my time as always and i'll be traveling to seoul in a few days (yaaayyy!) so i guess u guys will have to wait a little again. i hope you guys understand. i have my own life to live as well hehe
> 
> many thanks as always! love u!!


	10. NOT AN UPDATE, SORRY :( BUT PLEASE READ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an explanation for the hiatus ><

hello, everyone! first of all, i would like to apologize if it took me this long to post an update regarding this fic, if ever you guys still remember this one hehe i was hoping that things would be fixed soon but life doesn't work that way i guess. apart from the fact that i've been too busy with work, my personal and fangirl life in general, my laptop is broken for almost a month now. i'm not used to writing on my phone and can only work properly on a physical keyboard so i can't really finish a chapter right now. i'm still too broke to buy a new laptop or have it fixed but i'm saving for it so, hopefully, things would work out and i could go back to regular programming soon. i've already created outlines for each chapter til the last one so that once i have a laptop again, i could easily go back to writing. i hope you all understand! i'm not planning on dropping this fic, don't worry >< thank you for all your love and support and i'll try to reply to comments soon! take care :)

(i will be deleting this notice as soon as i get the next chapter out.)

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to toni and aiah for all their support. i couldn't have finished birthing this one out if not for them. hope you will enjoy the ride.
> 
> \- pai


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